Help, advice or any information needed.

[Blunet600]

My Dad managed to rack up a rather large sum of debt through credit cards a while back now, when my mum found out she had to seek financial help to pay the debt back in a more affordable way and they had to cut all their credit cards, now, a couple of years down the line (still paying the debt off) my dad still just wants to spend money, he goes out everyday in the car about 2 or 3 times a day and will always come back with food, some tools, milk, etc.
And if anyone says anything he gets all huffy and argumentative like a child. Whats worse is my mum is the bread winner and my dad pretty much uses my mums money and my mum is terrible with her bank account and finances, she never check or does anything with it despite me telling her to on a number of occasions.
Does anyone know what the law is on the debt and marriage thing, i.e my dad got us into the debt, the cards were in his name, so would he get lumbered with all the shit or would my mum also be part of it as they are married?
Just need any sort of information that may be handy to know.
cheers.

[Kickstart]

Hi

As far as I know being married the debts would be regarded as joint debts.

As to your father spending money then that could just be not being the breadwinner he has a need to do something that makes him feel useful (and hence why telling him off about it makes him feel doubly worse, by making him feel more useless).

All the best

Keith
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[Itchy]

Marriage is an economic partnership and in the eyes of tax law they are one and the same entity, your debts and assets can be transfered around freely without tax implications and hence debts and assets are shared.

Now if he was to go bankrupt ,you would divorce then have one party go bankrupt, 9/10 though the non bankrupt party goes and finds somebody else to live with and boots the bankruptee out.


My dad did this alot ie go out and spend when he first retired as he found that his life was somewhat empty and he amassed several thousand gallons of wine.

Find him something to do, a small project of some kind , my dad built alot of furniture for my sister using his considerable woodwork skills and made moonshine. He then started to grow mutant Yukka plants and sold them.

He then took on a PT job , before deciding to go travelling.
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[Blunet600]

well my dad doesnt do anything of such a creative type, he simply goes out everyday, comes back having spent some type of money.
We need to fix out garage roof as it is leaking, he was very very pushy about getting the wood and all the other bits that we need to do the roof as soon as we can, but once we had bought it all, its all been dumped inside the garage doing nothing and he doesnt mention the roof at all now, its as though he only wants to spend the money despite the serious debt he/they are in.
My sisters have completely lost it with him and no longer talk to him or acknowledge him ever! we all live in the same house, and they just walk by as they neither exist.

[Tonka]

The legal stuff's already been covered and I think Kickstart has touched on the possible cause of the problem and therefore the solution. I'd strongly suspect that there is a bigger issue than the money spending and I'd take a completely off the wall guess that your Dad is not feeling very well in himself, maybe a bit depressed, hence trying to find some pleasure in spending money as an escapism. It's a very hazardous past-time and will take your Mum down too as their finances are joint.

It'll be tough for you to do as it's a bit personal but if you can think of anyway to get him talking to a mate or professional so that he can start building his self-esteem and sense of purpose back up I'm sure the money spending will diminish. I'd suggest that your Mum would be a good one to start but he may just take it badly depending on how their relationship is - no good going on the attack and admonishing, need to take a more counselling approach, I reckon.

If that doesn't work I'd suggest 'killing' the cards and restricting him to cash only - sometimes that sort of tough love works better?

Really hope you all get it sorted!
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[Blunet600]

The situation we are in now started from my dad getting us into such debt which led up to my sisters being how they are with him.
As for getting him to talk to someone, i will try but will be hard, could try and get him to talk to my aunt.
The taking away the card and letting him only have cash is a very strong possibility but my mum is always working and really tired when she is at home, and never goes to the bank to sort everything out. Its a shame about the marriage meaning the debt is on my mum too but they got to sort it out themselves, but at the moment i can only see it going one way.
Cheers.

[pyx_e]

As said; cash. I am not good with money, learnt that years ago. So for me it has to be no cards, loans etc. If I want something I save up and pay cash. Oddly this has lead me form being shite with money to being OK with it.
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[Blunet600]

yeh your right, but its getting him to agree and to stop using his card. He just doesnt listen, but im going to get my mum to act and cut the account hopefully, if i could do it I would.
I think he might be going ever so slightly senile . . . seriously.