Pimp my toilet

[mistergixer]

Had a new kitchen and bathroom put in recently, as part of it i had the old high wall mounted cistern taken out and one of them new fangled dual flush water saving jobbies put in.

If you'll pardon the pun, it's quite frankly a load of crap.

I'm a good sized bloke with good sized bowels, consequently i pass man sized stools.

Even on full flush, the new dunny frequently fails to remove all my excrement, and frequently requires a second flush - which surely must negate the whole point of a water-saving loo.

I dream of having a Partridge-esque 'Buck Rogers' style toilet - 1 yank, all gone.

What, if anything, can i do to increase the flush rate on my substandard crapper?
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Space Monkey #7
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[Charlie]

I am banned from shitting in our upstairs toilet because the downstairs can flush better. Even then I managed to often block that and use the utility room's plastic washing up basin combined with a flush to get rid of it.

I'd advise taking laxatives before you go to the toilet to ensure a more liquid stool sample which should flush easier.
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[ms51ves3]

Have a jug full of water next to the bog like in the old days, when you have a dump, flush and pour at the same time

[hellkat]

Damn, and there was me about to get out my stick-on rhinestones and peacock feather boas

You wanna get yourself a macerator, then.

Although, I have to say, it proper sucks that your toilet doesn't suck properly.
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[Al]

You should be able to adjust the fill level by turning the little plastic rod and locking nut on the ball valve.
As standard they are normally set at 6lt for a full flush but for a man sized shit this sometimes isn't enough
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[hellkat]

man sized shit
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[Al]

You should be proud Hellcat
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[hellkat]

Proud of what?
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[Al]

I though you were also complaining that your toilet wasn't upto the job.

Any lady that can push a toilets flushing power to its limits gets my respect
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[hellkat]

Next time, I'll think of you and give it my best shot.

However, as a rule, you'll find that ladies poos are small and plop politely out, barely rippling the surface, and already wrapped in gently scented plastic things like baby nappy sacks, so they don't smell.
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[yuri2085]

My girlfriends little brother thought that girls don't poo until he was 14 years old.

(his dad told him this when he was younger in a sort of 'dont be silly girls dont poo' and he seriously properly believed this as fact.)

[owdamer]

[mistergixer]

You need to visit Rate my poo.com
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Space Monkey #7
Don Eladio is dead. His capos are dead. You have no one left to fight for. Fill your pockets and leave in peace. Or fight me and die!
Mistergixer's videos on YouTube

[Tonka]

[dgo1212]

[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Keep one of these bad boys next to the loo for emergencies.

https://images.manufactum.de/manufactum/grossbild/71559_1.jpg


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[chris-red]

Do this.


https://imagechan.com/images/ed40d860bb0fc59057338f3776ac0fcf.jpg
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[pablouk]

[hellkat]

Is it intended to scare the shit out of you, or is it just for scenic amusement, i.e., something to look at whilst sitting there?

I like how they've got one of them bottom-cleaning toilets.
I really want one of them.
But the whole "armchair" thing going on with the controls is a bit off-putting
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[Feasty]

I'm very pleased to come across someone else who has these 'issues'. I tend to let out some magnificent ploppers but the loo just can't cope at all!
Worst part about this is when you visit a friends or family members house and suddenly need a poo, how can you tell if their loos are powerful enough or not!? Sometimes the only way around it is to use a nearby toothbrush to dig into the loo and break the poo into smaller and more 'digestable' pieces. Don't forget to wash the toothbursh out before putting it back though...

Thankfully I have 3 loos in my house and 2 of them can just about cope with my whoppers, the 3rd is a more modern dual flush loo that has a very tight U bend in the bottom of it. Everything gets stuck there...

Surely the idiots who design these things could have come up with a better loo by now. I've always thought if I ever designed and patented something, it'd be a larger loo that can cope with the biggest of the big logs.
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Previous: Aprilia Habana Retro 50cc (beauty), Yamaha SR125 (fell apart), Honda XR125 (nippy little commuter), Honda SLR650 (Geewhizz), Yamaha Diversion 900S (Smoooooth) written off courtesy of a stupid escaped horse.
(7 year gap), BMW F650 (Relaxing ride). Aprilia Caponord ETV1000 (Big and bold). Yamaha FZS600 (got me in trouble too quick!).
Current: Yamaha TDM 900 (Comfy, light but big, power when needed).

[Tonka]