Silver
World Chat Champion
Joined: 03 Oct 2004
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 Posted: 23:23 - 29 Apr 2009  Post subject: Shaun Hutson |
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One of my favourite authors is Shaun Hutson. Today I was looking to see if he had a book out recently and stumbled across his website. He has a kind of blog section, an excerpt of which is below. It made me chuckle anyway...
| Quote: | An inspiration? A shining light? A great example to us all of how to make shit loads of money from absolutely no talent at all?
I'm talking of course about Jade Goody but could be referring to just about anyone on the celeb circuit (I live in hope of the joint burial of Jordan and Peter Andre and I'm not fussy, the fuckers don't even have to be dead...). Actually, while we're at it, lets dig a mass grave and shunt all these fucking no marks into it. Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, Girls Aloud, Piers Morgan etc. etc.
Here's an excerpt from the tape of her autopsy;
First pathologist; "Look inside this skull. I told you."
Second pathologist; "Spot on. No fucking brain at all."
I saw some pictures in the paper of Jade's funeral with people lining the route of the photo opportunity er, sorry, the cortege, throwing flowers at the hearse just like they did when Lady Diana was planted. Which planet do these fucking people come from? Well, Planet OK, obviously. If they'd been throwing hand grenades I might have joined in...Oh, how terrible for her children, they wailed...did no one notice that Natasha Richardson had died a few days earlier, a woman with kids and also that thing so elusive these days, talent? Did she make the front pages on such a grand scale? Did she fuck. The poor cow goes skiing and collides with a tree AND FUCKING DIES...shit. Now I've always thought skiing was a stupid past time personally, paying all that money to get cold, fall over and break bones, you can get much the same effect as skiing at home by simply throwing yourself downstairs and dumping a tray of ice over your head.
Jade could have helped herself, she was told to go back for check-ups. Mind you, I suppose the reminders were written down so that fucked her up having to struggle through all those words...
I did have a chuckle at Madonna getting turned down for her latest adoption/publicity stunt. She was shaken apparently. Fuck me, Madge, the first kid you hijacked wasn't even an orphan. Why not just give a few million to the kids village then lots of people could benefit and not just the one you fancy carrying around like a fucking fashion accessory. A mate of mine and his wife have been trying to adopt now for about two years but can't get a child. Do you reckon he'd have more chance if he was a multi-millionaire? Er...no, surely not...Madonna and Angelina Jolie got their kids because they were such brilliant parental material didn't they, nothing to do with the shit loads of cash they've got. Did anyone see that series of programmes on Channel 4 about teenagers watching porn? No, well, I'll enlighten you. Apparently one third of all teenagers get their sex education off porn sites and the Government are horrified. A Baroness was interviewed (yes, a fucking Baroness, a representative of the upper classes, the most sexually fucked up group of people this country has ever produced, people who shag their relatives when not shooting servants) who was an official spokesman for the government and her verdict on this terrifying state of affairs; "It's the parents responsibility". Well, what a fucking surprise. It's basically anyone's responsibility other than the Government and Christ knows the government should know about porn, Jacqui Smith's old man claimed back the cost of his porn movies on her expenses which WE PAY FOR....Apparently, one of the role models for glamour these days is Jordan...I shit you not, apparently girls like looking like cheap prostitutes. So much money, so little class.
Am I the only one who thinks that a nuclear holocaust might not be such a bad thing?
Still, Jamie Oliver's wife had another kid, that cheers everyone up doesn't it? Another lisping mockney unleashed on the world..fuck me. I don't know how she had time to squeeze out another sprog what with writing her kids books and all that. She also said that eating healthily is nothing to do with money but then again I suppose when your fucking husband earns four million a year then money isn't a consideration is it? So, she's got kids books out, Gordon Ramsey's wife's got a cook book out, Gordon Brown's wife's got a book coming out, Cherie Blair wrote (and got paid one million pounds advance) her autobiography and John Prescott's wife is writing a book too. "Living with a fat cunt" I believe was the original title. Wayne Rooney's fucking wife has got her own TV show, Joe Cole's girlfriend was on I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE. Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch's girlfriend) and Danielle Lloyd (just about anyone's girlfriend if they can kick a ball straight) are now models and have their own work out DVD's out. No wonder some girls see being a WAG as a career possibility...By the way, I reckon that WAG doesn't really stand for Wives and Girlfriends...How about Whores and Gold diggers? More apt and more to the point don't you think?
Right, that's it, I'm off to pray for an outbreak of bubonic plague at HELLO...and ITV2, and HEAT and, and... |
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Flip
Super Spammer
Joined: 28 Feb 2004
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Posted: 23:41 - 29 Apr 2009  Post subject: |
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I have a copy of Stolen Angels somewhere. May have to dig it out now.  |
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bazza
World Chat Champion
Joined: 27 Aug 2004
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twostroketit
Spanner Monkey
Joined: 02 Dec 2008
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| Posted: 19:19 - 30 Apr 2009 Post subject: |
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Shaun's Shit. He's fucking not,you know,he's EXCELLENT! Well he is actually rather good. I'm now working my way through his blog.
I actually hadn't heard of him before. 
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sup up your beer and collect your fags |
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