My partner & low selfesteem

[killa]

Haven't posted in here for some time, this isn't about me so be nice!

My girlfriend of 5 years is at a bit of a low point right now.
She's been with me through a lot, we've broke up twice, badly, but we're are stronger than ever now and we're happy with each other.
The problem being, just before we broke up (about september 2008) she got into a job (was meant to be temporary). This was a job she got just after we got back from travelling just to get some income rolling in, she is still there now.
To try and cut this short, she is in a boring job (compared to what she has done in the past) she is currently the heaviest she's ever been and is now becoming increasingly de-motivated with it.

She isn't happy with how she looks, she is a very attractive blonde gal and always looks after herself. The weight she has gained is pretty much around the toughest to loose areas, tummy, thighs etc. On a slightly more sensitive issue her sex drive is almost non existant...i still fancy the pants off her but obviously this has been a knock on effect from low self esteem. I feel sorry for her, she is very bright, very positive and attractive but this has really knocked her back.
I want to know if there isn anything i should avoid, i know the basics, ive been in similar situations. I just don't wanna seem patronising, i know if i am too nice it can probably push her away....hmm, i just want her back with that go get 'em attitude, you know?
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[Kickstart]

Hi

Sounds a bit like depression (low sex drive is one of the effects). As such maybe what is needed is to find what is causing it (which could well be the job, but equally could be loads of things) and tackle that (hopefully with no need to go anywhere near medication).

Sorry, not much help.

All the best

Keith
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[tribal_tiger]

How about spending some time together, but doing activities that are good exercise?

Stuff like this is generally going to be outdoors, and being out, now it's spring and doing some exercise can help with depression, and will help to just get the metabolism up again.

We tend to just steal my sisters dog and go down the beach or off to the woods.

Apart from that, just be there, be supportive but not manically in her face about it.
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[Dragonfly]

Being low in self esteem at times myself there isnt a lot that can be done on your part except be supportive and complement here where its due. Dont over do it though or she will think your bull shitting. She needs to change things, maybe you can help by motivating her. I feel the same as her at times but went and done something about it. I bought a new bike in this case and new gear to start getting out again but still put myself down over weight and stuff. I just get days where I feel like a fat pig and others where I dont give a shit.

So maybe just turn her life around, it seems stagnant what she is doing and the weight gain is probably from comfort eating and the depression.
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[Nicky-Jano]

How about talking to her?
It's no get getting generic advice off a bike forum because they don't know your girlfriend, but you do.
Go walking together around beaches or intersting footpaths.
Went to a waterfall by breacon the other day and it completely wiped me out, was great exercise and lush scenery, also quite romantic.
There's nothing more patronizing than hinting maybe we should join a gym or something.
Walks are one of the best things you can do, it's isolated so just the two of you and it gives you a chance to appreciate the countryside together, talk and just reconnect.

[J0Al1]

[Fawbish]

If you used to be able to pick her up and throw her about (I know you aint the biggest bloke killa) then damn well make sure you still can.


If this means working out behind her back, do it, and still show her (subtly) that you can still pick her up and throw her about like a ragdoll.


(Im only slight. But infinitely stronger than my girl )

This may seem a silly suggestion, but it really isnt. Feeling protected but not actually being told you are being protected can be wonderful for a womans psyche, I have found.

Would any of you ladies agree?
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[tribal_tiger]

[J0Al1]

[shellshock]

Best advice is 'Listen to her', and don't be patronising.

If she says she feels fat, ugly, miserable, etc etc. Then she does, and no amount of you saying otherwise is going to change that.

Ask her what SHE wants to change and then help her go all out to achieve that.

Saying that, she also needs to know how shes making you feel, but without putting her on a massive guilt trip.

[Noxious89123]

[Robby]

[Louise]

I have a very low self esteem at this moment.
Being with someone who knew me as I gave birth I got used to it.
Now im with someone who has a pretty amazing body which I adore, but then I think of mine and the baby bits still there.
She had been very patient with me and compliments me a lot - something I'm not used to at all and its doing the trick.
Compliment her, not too much tho -

[killa]

Cheers for all the advice, its a subject i dont wanna bring up with her in this way and not mention it to my mates either.
Im just gutted for her that it seems such a long way off getting through this but i am helping. IM always listning and right now several things have become more positive.
We're gonna do badmington every wednesday now and hopefully im gonna do one more activity with her in the week so she knows we're doing it together.
Thanks again guys
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history