Dealing with the death of a close friends parent.

[c_dug]

The title says it all really, one of my closest friends mum died with very little warning in the early hours of this morning, she went into a coma last night with no warning, it turns out she had two brain tumors.

I have no idea how to deal with what im feeling, and more importantly what i can possibly say to him to do anything to help, the worst thing is i cant even be there to support him since he moved away from the area last year.

I got on with his mum really well, she was always checking up on me and making sure i was doing ok when i moved out so the death has made me pretty upset, i cant even begin to imagine how he is feeling.

I think the worst thing for me is knowing that he is going through such a difficult time and theres nothing i can do or say to help.

I havent mentioned everything but there are a few factors which i havent mentioned that make the whole thing alot harder for him.

Im not sure what i planned to achieve by posting this, i guess its just a way to get things off my chest a little, and see if you guys have any suggestions, anything i can say or do to help him out a little.

c_dug
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I am a bellend, I am a man of constant sorrow, I am a gummy bear, I am a rock.

[Scotsman37]

I can personally can understand what he is going through as something like that happened to me many years ago.

Just knowing that there is a person that you can talk out your feelings to, when ready to do so, is a wonderfull feeling to know that someone cares about what you are going through and wants to help, but do not be pushy with your help upon him except rather offer a friendly ear over the phone when he calls or writes.

It will take him a long time to come to terms with it even after a year or so it can easily still hurt, but later the pain subsides probably over a long time depending how much he loved his mum.


Sorry to hear about it - Good luck!

[chris-red]

Personally if it was me, as soon as I found out I would be on my bike to the mates place with a crate of his favourite lager and just be there. I would fuck off all committments and go, just tell work it is a death of a close friend. I doubt you need to do anything, but just being there should help having someone to chat to and get pissed with.
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[MarJay]

[Suitor_Stu]

Similar thing happened to one of my close mates a few years back except with his dad. He wouldn't have asked us to do anything - he isn't that type of person. However, I phoned up my other close mate (there was 3 of us who were really close at secondary school, but we had kind of drifted apart a bit since going to Uni in different cities) and we both agreed that we should go see him despite living over 4hrs drive away. Just didn't bother with Uni (phoned in sick), went round to his house with a bottle of Jagermeister (we used to drink the stuff like it was single malt when we were in school) and just sat and talked crap for a good few evenings - mainly to help him take his mind off it a bit. We didn't specifically start talking about the subject in hand, but if it came up we just listened to him. That's all you can really do in these circumstances.

When we got back to our flats again, there was a card there from him mum thanking us for coming down - apparently we had been the only friends who had actually done anything or said anything to him (the rest just stayed at uni) and they were both very appreciative of it. Guess what I'm saying is that the best thing you can do in this situation is just drop everything and go be a friend to him and his dad. If this means having a couple of drinks with him and just chatting crap then this is what you should do. I wouldn't worry about what to say or that you may be walking on eggshells - at the end of the day you are friends for a reason, the conversation with just happen regardless.

Hope this helps a bit,
Stu

[Tonka]

[c_dug]

I think i'll be "ill" tomorrow

c_dug
____________________
I am a bellend, I am a man of constant sorrow, I am a gummy bear, I am a rock.

[chris-red]

[Phoenix]

Alone, to him, it's his mum. To you, it's your mate's mum.

Maybe you can go give him some company later on but personally don't think cracking open some tins with his mate will be high on his list of things to do at this moment in time.

Everyone is different though and deal in different ways so ask him what he wants and don't push.

[MarJay]

[MarJay]