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Howling TerrorOutOfOffice
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PostPosted: 19:31 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Sex Fables Reply with quote

We've all heard them, whats your favourite?

Mine was this: Shagging a bag a fresh liver feels like the real thing ditto for shagging an orange. Never did try it, but did attempt sex with my matress once at the age of 13. Nasty chaffing Laughing

Pat
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Harold_Shand
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PostPosted: 19:36 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Prince' had a rib removed so he could suck his own nob.

Elton John / Jimmy Sommerville / Marc Almond* collapsed on stage, a stomach pump revealed he had swallowed half a pint of spunk.

*Delete as appropriate for your school.
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Harold_Shand's theory might be the best explanation.
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pablouk
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PostPosted: 19:40 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harold_Shand wrote:
'Prince' had a rib removed so he could suck his own nob.

Elton John / Jimmy Sommerville / Marc Almond* collapsed on stage, a stomach pump revealed he had swallowed half a pint of spunk.

*Delete as appropriate for your school.


WHAT!!!!
Marc Almond didn't swallow half a pint of cum and collapse on stage??!!!
You said it pretty much word for word as the rumours went!!

Ok Marc, you don't repulse me quite as much as you did Wink
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Howling TerrorOutOfOffice
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PostPosted: 19:42 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
'Prince' had a rib removed so he could suck his own nob.
i want that on my gravestone....imagine the double-takes

Pat
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cal91
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PostPosted: 20:04 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Marilyn Manson also had a rib removed Smile

I believe he also wanted his wife to get her eye removed so he can fuck her in the eye Confused
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Flip
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PostPosted: 20:43 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

cal91 wrote:
I believe he also wanted his wife to get her eye removed so he can fuck her in the eye Confused


You believe that?
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cal91
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PostPosted: 20:50 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

flip wrote:
cal91 wrote:
I believe he also wanted his wife to get her eye removed so he can fuck her in the eye Confused


You believe that?


No but it goes along with the other fake rumours such as...

He sets his pubes on fire
He beats his mother
He has sex with various animals such as chimps and dogs
He had a sex change when he was 15

They just go on and on.
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 20:58 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Taking a girl up the Gary makes brown babies.

The quiet ones are the best ( I found the quiet ones are dead )
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mooserx
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PostPosted: 21:00 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

That a mate of a mate of a mate's cousin's mate, shaggeed this bird up the poo chute and when he pulled out had a piece of sweetcorn stuck in hes jap eye/under his foreskin.

Also that a geezer everyone knows was poking some random tart and puked on her then passed out, when he woke up in the morning, she'd cleared off only to repay the vomit shower by crimping off a mud on his chest.

Gotta love an urban sex legend.
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 21:20 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

A mate of a mate said that his mate heard women have something called an Orgasm.
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mistergixer
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PostPosted: 21:22 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Skudd wrote:
A mate of a mate said that his mate heard women have something called an Orgasm.


Now that is just too hard to believe!
You'll be telling us that they're allowed to vote and drive cars next!
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Luke_Retrofly
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PostPosted: 21:31 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

A bloke in that other school used a crisp packet for a condom.

Salt & Vineger I belive.
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cal91
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PostPosted: 21:32 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

A mate of a mate told me that if you have sex with a women while shes upside down that when you cum; it comes out of the womens nose.
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Skudd
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PostPosted: 22:14 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

cal91 wrote:
A mate of a mate told me that if you have sex with a women while shes upside down that when you cum; it comes out of the womens nose.


that how you know your blow up doll is full.
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The Shaggy D.A.
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PostPosted: 22:23 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can wank yourself whilst bumming a girl. Apparently.
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Faldo
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PostPosted: 22:33 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

mooserx wrote:
crimping off a mud


Laughing , nice.
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Luke_Retrofly
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PostPosted: 22:52 - 15 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Shaggy D.A. wrote:
You can wank yourself whilst bumming a girl. Apparently.


Theres a few vids of a block with his hand and cock up a womans arse wanking himself inside, does that count.

Can probably find it @ www.efukt.com (if you dare)
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hellkat
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PostPosted: 00:45 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
crimping off a mud


https://www.greensmilies.com/smile/smiley_emoticons_rofl3.gif
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The Original Muzza
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PostPosted: 00:50 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Shaggy D.A. wrote:
You can wank yourself whilst bumming a girl. Apparently.


I sort of done the opposite once, finger up the garry, stroking my bell whilst plowing the vag.

Jobs. A. Good-un. Thumbs Up

obviously not actually stroking my bell, but pushing her flesh between vag and bumtube against my peen.
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pablouk
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PostPosted: 01:40 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muzza wrote:
The Shaggy D.A. wrote:
You can wank yourself whilst bumming a girl. Apparently.


I sort of done the opposite once, finger up the garry, stroking my bell whilst plowing the vag.

Jobs. A. Good-un. Thumbs Up

obviously not actually stroking my bell, but pushing her flesh between vag and bumtube against my peen.

LMFAO !!!!
If I could karma you, I'd give you the lot!! Thumbs Up Thumbs Up
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 01:41 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Many a mattress encountered in prison, slit cut in the foam with margerine-stains around the edges. New mattress requested, request denied, mattress cut into small pieces with a razor-blade. Laughing
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Polo
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PostPosted: 08:32 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hetzer wrote:
Many a mattress encountered in prison, slit cut in the foam with margerine-stains around the edges. New mattress requested, request denied, mattress cut into small pieces with a razor-blade. Laughing


Harsh. How does the mattress then keep in contact once you are on the outside? Or is that how you roll with women too? Smile

Interesting about the marge though....... Thinking
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Hetzer
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PostPosted: 11:52 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Minty wrote:
Hetzer wrote:
Many a mattress encountered in prison, slit cut in the foam with margerine-stains around the edges. New mattress requested, request denied, mattress cut into small pieces with a razor-blade. Laughing


Harsh. How does the mattress then keep in contact once you are on the outside? Or is that how you roll with women too? Smile

Interesting about the marge though....... Thinking


I wouldn't know, I've never counselled an inmate or a mattress on the issue. As said above in fact, any such mattress with which I've come into contact has been executed immediately (harsh treatment but fair).
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mcgoogle
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PostPosted: 12:30 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
A bloke in that other school used a crisp packet for a condom.


i think you will find it was a mars bar wrapper Laughing Thumbs Up
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mistergixer
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PostPosted: 12:35 - 16 May 2009    Post subject: Reply with quote

Speaking of Mars bars, what about Marianne Faithful & Mick Jagger??

Wink
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