The Bee Problem

[Steve H]

The H family moved into a new house this weekend and I decided to take advantage of the good weather and remove a jungle of bushes, vines and razor sharp, thorny stuff from the back garden. After I removed the bushes I was met with a number of branches that I couldn't get to with my mammoth sized loppers (for those who aren't aware of my posting style I've initiated this thread purely to get the phrase 'mammoth sized loppers' in) so resorted to a bow saw. I'd cut every bush down to its' trunk and the final one was surrounded by grass cuttings that the previous owner was too old, lazy or both to chuck into a green waste bin.

Luckily for me I had a pair of steel toe capped shit kickers on and proceeded to lay into the grass cuttings with my right peg to enable me to get the bow saw as low as possible. With dried grass cuttings flying everywhere whilst the dog excitedly tried to eat every single one of them I suddenly heard a single solitary buzz by my left ear, then another to my right and another and another. I stopped ,manically kicking the grass away from the roots and looked down to see a dark, tennis ball sized clump of marauding bee’s coming at me with the sole intent of inflicting pain on my person. I'm ashamed to say that I bolted, I ran for the safety of the conservatory calling the dog as I sprinted up the garden with winged killers peppering my head – as I made it to the safety of the patio doors I called the dog in and one single solitary bee made it in too and she duly ate it.

https://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a231/steveqpr/Bee.jpg
The bees were entering and exiting from small holes in teh vicinity shown by the arrow

I’d love to think that the dog might get rid of the problem but even she hasn’t got the appetite to eat a colony of the flying bastards – So, my question to the budding apiarists of Bee CF is, how do I (safely and humanely if possible!) get rid of a beehive that’s ensconced in a load of grass cuttings without shelling out for expertise!
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Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original.

[.....]

Nuke them from space - it's the only way to bee sure.

Don't worry I've got my coat am going.

[chrisjacks]

blow it up

or you could just cover the hole up? so they cant leave..

[Pickledswede]

Make a fire on it!

[Handsome]

Pour Diesel into it, solved the problem I had with them...
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[The Disapproving Brit]

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2243176
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Current Bikes: 1983 Honda VF400FD / 2003 Honda VT750 Shadow
Bike Test Passed 18/03/09, Car Test Passed 14/05/13

[Steve H]

Thanks for the suggestions all

I've resigned myself to the fact that if I'm gonna do it then it's not gonna be a humane act, basically it'll be a kill or be killed operation. The Deisel/ant powder options sound pretty appealing as I really don't fancy having a fire that close to the wooden fence (I'm pretty accident prone) although it could be a perfect opportunity to introduce myself to the neighbours albeit through the chargrilled panel!

I'm gonna give a profesional a call tomorrow purely to get a ball park figure - if it's reasonable I'll get 'em in, if not then bring on the Derv/Powder combo

Thanks again for the responses
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Mellow Yellow
The BCF Top TEN - 2010, 2009, 2008, The Original.

[Visitor Q]

Pouring boiling water down is always good.

Also, nicotine is a very potent insecticide, so if you smoke it would be a good idea to have one going while you're at it.

In fact if you could be arsed to burn a bit of tobacco and blow it down a tube somehow (meh, I come up with the schemes, not the plans) you could render the buggers paralysed for about 10 minutes. Perfectly sufficent to get a fuckload of boiling water down there (without having to run screaming like a little girl).

Real men just tear it up with an axe (then run screaming like a little girl) and wait for them to give up on their ruin of a hive.
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China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[Tarmacsurfer]

If they're bees and not wasps then I'd like to put in a vote for peaceful coexistence. That and your learning to make mead. Properly mellow yellow.
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I'm immortal. Well, so far.

[Charlie]

Now normally I'd say burn the whole grass pile with the bees in there... It would pretty awesome to watch and probably worth replacing the fence panel for.

But because you hear all the shit about bee's being in decline it could be worth trying to find a bee keeper who will take them off your hands, not sure how it works but I think they just need to get them to move to a box and then transport them like that. I could be chatting shite though.
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[Steve H]

[Tarmacsurfer]

That's fair enough. As is mentioned above the fuzzy little dude that is the Bumble bee is in sad decline these days, and despite bad press due to the dastardly actions of their wasply lookalikes they're generally pretty peaceable creatures. My mother kept a couple of hives full and I can count the number of times I was stung on the fingers of one foot, it just didn't happen.

As you can probably tell, there's a small degree of bias in my posts in this thread
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I'm immortal. Well, so far.

[Visitor Q]

Ah, for some reason I completely forgot the whole bees = cool and harmless, wasps = bastards.

Don't be such a gay, leave the poor things be and they'll make your flowers grow

Unless your one of these men who's afrit of anything aposematic in the black and yellow stylee?? Theres many about these days.

Once thing, wasps you can merrily kill by very quickly clapping. They don't get a chance to sting. Not so certain with bees as I leave them to it, what with only getting one (pathetic) go before death.

But IF you squash a bee they signal the hive to come have a pop. You've been warned.
____________________
China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[hellkat]

[Icey]

Call Environmental health. Or contact a local bee keeper.

Please don't kill them, they are becoming endangered enough

Here you go: https://www.gbka-cg.org.uk/


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[Steve H]

[The Shaggy D.A.]

Leave it, if you have any problems with local scrotes you could stake them there face down.
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[alone]

Place a small plastic castle over the hole. Then dig a small moat around it. It'll beat the hell out of any other garden ornament!
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Bikes; '06 Triumph Sprint ST 1050 (for sale) - '95 BMW R1100GS

[Visitor Q]

Lol, to be honest with a government agency I'd probably stick to expletives.

They may get arsey, but they'll at least know what I'm on about.
____________________
China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[c_dug]

Assuming theyre wasps and not bees, don all your bike gear and wear a very thick scarf to cover the gap between your jacket and helmet, then go have a stampathon This is what i would do anyway.

Just make sure your visor is down!

Also only do this if your jacket and trousers zip all the way around!

c_dug
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I am a bellend, I am a man of constant sorrow, I am a gummy bear, I am a rock.

[GhostRider]

You might want to avoid eating bananas around the area too, IIRC the scent acts as a pheromone similar to that which is released once they sting someone (isoamy acetate I think??), causing the bees to get major pissed off like.

GhostRider
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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[c_dug]

I has teh solution everybody!

https://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee81/paddy2007dug/SteveH.jpg



The fence panel can be substituted by anything large and flat
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I am a bellend, I am a man of constant sorrow, I am a gummy bear, I am a rock.

[Visitor Q]

[warped one]

Step 1:- Go outside leave patio door open
Step 2:- Grab rake
Step 3:- Pull top off grass pile
Step 4:- Run like fuck.
Step 5:- Repeate the previous steps everday and at night, so you destroy the nest/hive.

Notations:- Small children are better for this sort of application as they are a smaller target, move faster. This can be done whilst you either hold the door or cower inside.

Soon enough the bees will either get pissed off, and decide to leave or wait around the corner one morning for you and mercylessly attack you.

Cheers

Warped
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amnesia - Never in the history of usernames has one been more accurate. Warped indeed. You sir are a fecking oddball.

[Louise]

No idea but I feel just like you.
Treading on a bee's nest in foxes forest many years ago - hearing the echo of many many bees I bolted it myself.
Being stung by a few - my poor mate wasnt so lucky and was infested with bee stings
Good luck