Held captive in my own home

[s44678]

By a seagull

Two seagulls made a nest between our chimneys and over the last month have raised two chicks there.

Now one of the two chicks (obviously the thick one) has ended up in next doors garden. It can't fly properly yet so it's just walking around looking sad. The other one is still up walking around on the roof.

So every time I step out the back door the parent seagull goes completely mental, squarking and flapping about. If I even try to walk anywhere in the garden it goes for me . I thought at first it was just trying to scare me off and wouldn't actually come near, but last night I tried to take the bins out through the back gate and it properly went for me.

So now I'm a captive in my own home until this baby seagul fucks off out of next doors garden. And it's a nice evening as well, wanted to sit in the garden and finish some work

I'll try and get a video if you want.

[T1z3R]

give it an alka seltzer then video it.
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duck my sick!

[s44678]

But that's cruel

Anyway I thought that was a myth?

[JAMSXR]

Don't attempt to rescue it!

[ncrn]

Do you not have a baseball bat or a super soaker or something you can fight back with?
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Past: 55 Sym Jet, 91 ZZR250, 03 NSR125R. Present: 97 ER-5.
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[pa_broon74]

I hate seagulls, noisy messy flying rats.

You want to grab the baby and ring it's neck then fling it hard at the parents. If they attack, take a tennis racket to them.

I used to live in a Barratt development and the stupid Indian fucker's that lived their used to chuck food out their window's for the bird's.

It just attracted really noisy ill-tempered seagulls. I don't mind pigeons but if a seagull comes within range, I do my best to fit its arse with the toe of my boot.


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Didn't catch anything.

[The999Kid]

[Skudd]

[nowhere.elysium]

[Tonka]

Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside, I do like to be beside the sea..................
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'The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences'
Suzuki SV650S (Clean); Yamaha XT250 Serow (Dirty)

[Clanger]

[andypart]

Got an idea

I bet you can buy this on ebay, it might help get you out of the house and down the pub to calm your nerves.
Be warned though it could end up with the following results.

1. literally scare the living shit out of the b*****ds but on to your bike.
2. Make your neighbours think your crazy but does that really matter?
But if it fails you could always reuse it as a good role play costume in the future.

Worth a go I guess

[andypart]

on second thoughts get some binoculars and check that its not one of those great white sharkgulls
I would suggest you stay inside and cower in the corner till it fucks off.

[Towton 1461]

Chuck some old engine oil over it.
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This post is sponsored by QUILLIES LOZENGES. Suck QUILLIES for fast throat relief!

[quacker_boy]

I've got a paintball gun which can fire 17 balls per second and can fire at about 180 mph if I set it up right, want me to come round?
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wizzzard wrote: Imagine God just stopping by, tidying your front room up and then quietly letting himself out again. Statisticly more likely to happen than Korn being on here.

[s44678]

Went in the garden last night with an unopened umbrella to have it out with it. My theory was if it came for me like the other day I would just defend myself by impaling it on the spike and that would be the end of that.

So after much squarking and dive-bombing and me trying to lance it (just like in the film 300, but without the pants) it eventually got knackered and gave up

It's still there making a racket, and next door can't take their bins out, but at least I've reclaimed my garden.

Thing is, the only real way to end this is to kill either the parent or the chick as an act of aggression. I don't particularly want to do either of those. and all that.

[karoshi]

[schooleydoo]

Real men kill animals.

[Hazylogic]

[pa_broon74]

Seagulls are insidious.

Take off and nuke the site from orbit... It's the only way to be sure...


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Didn't catch anything.

[Bofh5]

carbide granules FTW
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(L)users...Disk space is to good for them.

Bikes: Honda 50 / CB125-TDC / 93 CBR600 F2 (Stolen & Trashed) / 2001 SP-1 (Sold) / 95 CBR600 F3

[Fawbish]

Now you have your garden back, an elaborate and hair-brained contraption can be invented, designed and implemented.


I dont know how, or what the fuck it will do, but in my head, I can see wooden wheels turning, narrow boat anchors for balancing, a "jumbo" comedy sized condom (used) is flapping about somewhere, and there are several umpa-loompas walking around, maintaining the machine and calculating targeting solutions.


*nods*
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"Oh....it looks like Average Joe's is forfeiting the match!" - "Yeah, its a risky strategy but lets see if it pays off for 'em Cotton."

[Fnatic]

Air rifle...

[pa_broon74]

In the harbour close to where the hovel I currently rent is situated, one of the boats has large plastic owl attached to the roof.

No idea if it works but I don't recall seeing any seagulls resting their bones on his vessel. I think they can be procured from good garden centres.

If you don't want to kill them, a black widow catapult firing something suitably firm might work... Maybe Revels or perhaps mini eggs...

What am I talking about... A total waste of mini eggs... Peanut revel's could be used though, I don't like those at all... Peanut M&M's but they might not have the mass to make an impression... Minstrel's wouldn't fly straight...

Fruit pastilles maybe?


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Didn't catch anything.

[Bofh5]

I can see the local newspaper reports already:

Raining fruit pastils puzzle locals...see page 3 for full story
____________________
(L)users...Disk space is to good for them.

Bikes: Honda 50 / CB125-TDC / 93 CBR600 F2 (Stolen & Trashed) / 2001 SP-1 (Sold) / 95 CBR600 F3