Once a cheater always a cheater?

5v3d3b0 · World Chat Champion Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Karma :

Wow, I've managed to fuck up again...
My last girlfriend I cheated on several times, she took me back and I behaved for the next 2 and a half years until we broke up.
Now I've been with a girl for 7 months who is everything I've ever wanted. She's gorgeous, I have a great time with her, amazing sex life, she would do anything for me. I couldn't see myself fucking her over cause I really love her.
Then about a month ago I started talking to a girl on facebook who lives in Sweden. The talking got to a lot more than chit chat and got very sexual but I thought nothing of it. Around the same time I went out one night with a friend, got pissed and got off with his cousin. I regretted it only seconds afterwards. Nothing "serious", just a few sloppy kisses and I felt sick. I couldn't believe I'd cheated on the person I love so much.
On the 23rd of September I'm leaving Spain, so my relationship was pretty much on a timer. I was too weak to tell her so I decided to coast it out and for her to have a good memory of me. Yesterday I accidentally left my facebook open, and since I once lied about my ex (she hates her but I've still talked to her now and then as friends) she was nosy and looked through my messages. And found out about everything.
My ignorant friends are like: Dude that's even better now you're done and you're leaving in 10 days, but I feel regret like never before.
I'm trying as hard as I can to get her back, even if it be only for the last minute of me being here, but I don't know if it's even remotely possible. I cried today for the first time since I can remember. I'm so ashamed of myself.
I wonder what made me do it. She was everything to me and I still managed to fuck up. Is there any way I can change?
I don't want to be the guy who cheats on his wife for years and gets away with it. But I don't know how to change.
Sad

Fnatic · World Chat Champion Joined: 11 May 2008 Karma :

kk

chris-red · Have you considered a TDM? Joined: 21 Sep 2005 Karma :

Sucks being 15.
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5v3d3b0 · World Chat Champion Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Karma :

If you've got nothing intelligent to say fuck off

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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

kitty kat · World Chat Champion Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Karma :

once a cheater always a cheater?

IMO yes, the only way to change is to grow up.
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nowhere.elysium · The Pork Lord Joined: 02 Mar 2009 Karma :

Well, if anything's gonna iron out this cheating habit of yours, it's likely to be this. Chalk this one up to experience, and learn to keep it in your pants.

It's behaviour like this that completely buggers up any trust that women may ever have for men, and you need to learn to curb it, if you're ever expecting to have a serious relationship.

I'd also expect this to follow you around for a while, too, so learn to cope with the stigma, and move on.

Or, for an alternate point of view, I'd ask robby or bonny. Cheating's not cool by me, though.

EDIT: also, for the sake of the last few days, I'd leave her well alone. You've blown it, dude - chasing her is only going to make it worse, and consolidate an already low opinion of you. This might sound like I'm being unnecessarily harsh, but having been cheated on before, it bloody hurts. Let go, and learn from the mistake you made.
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wizzzard · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Mar 2008 Karma :

J0Al1 · World Chat Champion Joined: 25 Nov 2006 Karma :

My question is, what are you to her?

It's all very well you saying she is everything you have ever wanted, but are you that for her? Without trust, it can't be in my opinion.

killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

Kissing someone else when your women is wicked anyway is pretty weak to me.

Cheating is bible talk.

Look at it this way, if you have the opportunity to play with hot women then dump your current partner and save her some real heartbreak.

If you're women is your everything, you wont move on and have no need to.
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Grendel · Scooby Slapper Joined: 31 Aug 2007 Karma :

yuri2085 · World Chat Champion Joined: 05 Jul 2008 Karma :

Its quite easy here, if you don't want to cheat...don't.

You already realise its not satisfying so DUN DUN DEERRR STOP DOING IT.

No I'm serious the best way to not cheat is to not cheat. Sounds simple right? It is Smile

p.s. If you are weak minded you could prob not put yourself in a position of temptation even though you seem to actively seek them.

Robby · Dirty Old Man Joined: 16 May 2002 Karma :

Ha. Fehl. Stay on BCF, you're amusing. Crying over a woman too, priceless.

The moral of the story is, don't let your computer remember your facebook password.

I think I may have said this before once or twice, but stop being such a fucking pussy and man the fuck up.

I'm off to find some clunge and not tell my girlfriend.

Kwaks · I'm not a fast rider Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Karma :

You were leaving the country and hadnt told her?

She is well rid of you pussy Rolling Eyes

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J0Al1 · World Chat Champion Joined: 25 Nov 2006 Karma :

5v3d3b0 · World Chat Champion Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Karma :

Of course she knew I was leaving the country. I'm going to Uni...

technophobe · Borekit Bruiser Joined: 07 May 2009 Karma :

There's been a lot of sense posted in this thread...

To the OP...

If she's "everything" to you, and I mean truly everything, then why are you leaving her to go to Uni? If she's everything, then your job/future prospects come second to her. If she's everything, prove it to her by dropping Uni & staying.

Alternatively, go to Uni & try to stay in touch, if this girl really does mean a lot to you.

As others have said, don't chase her. Let her be pissed at you. After a while, she will talk to you about it. That's where you explain about the girl in Sweden, that it started innocently, and it was just chatting to someone on the 'net. You can claim you'd of never done anything, but I bet she won't believe you.

Whilst having that conversation, you really need to tell her about the "drunken kiss." Here's a free tip, alcohol is never the cause of unfaithfulness. Blame it on being drunk & this lass will run, not walk.

As others have said, she didn't trust you anyway as she checked your messages. There must be some reason for this lack of trust (more so than just feminine intuition).

Without trust, whatever relationship you have, won't last. Trust me on this one.

Again, as others have said, if you don't want to cheat, and genuinely don't want to, then it won't happen. You can think of all the excuses you like, but if you don't want it to happen, it's not going to. A lack of willpower isn't a good reason for it happening.

As for the main question, once a cheater always a cheater? I'd take a hell of alot of convincing that you had changed your ways if I were in her shoes. In fact, I don't think you'd be able to ever remove that doubt.

Learn from it & move on. Or don't learn from it, and post again the next time it happens. Thumbs Up

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Dragonfly · Super Spammer Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Karma :

Honestly.
Your a total twat and I hope you leave that girl alone so she can move on and find another bloke who will actually love her and appreciate her. And dont say you do because your eyes and fingers wouldnt have been wondering yet again with another women.
I know loads like you, I think I was out with one at one stage. one week you are in love with her, next its someone else. You leave like a trail of destruction behind you. But girls get over you quickly and learn to look out for flighty buggers who lie like you. And in the end your sat on your own crying that you have lost potential partners you could have been happy with and by then you will have some slapper who will be doing the same on you and an STD.

Advice to you, grow up. But thats not going to work as most boys like you dont.
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Wilson123 · Nearly there... Joined: 19 Jun 2009 Karma :

Change is possible, just like quitting heroin is. It's up to you, you control your actions, even if it means quitting getting drunk and such
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