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| cal91 |
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cal91
Nearly there...
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
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 Posted: 00:26 - 14 Sep 2009  Post subject: Rant about the american language. |
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Why change word spellings?
It's apologise, not apologize!
It's tyre, not tire!
It's colour not color!
It's Metre not meter!
etc.
This is really annoying me at the moment and hasn't ever before.
I posted a question on Yahoo answers, asking how to get rubber tyre marks off a brick drive and some american replied "You spelt TIRE wrong you dumb fuck!".
Why is it my fault that the average IQ of an american is 25? So they had to change spellings to suite them?
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| Alexio |
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Alexio
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| Posted: 00:36 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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Well the colonies were separated from us for a great number of years academically before we started exchanging a large amount of literature again, and by that time it was probably too late. Americans do have the lazy stereotype to maintain and all... so if they want to spell it like that I guess we should let them?
And by the way, I do entirely agree with you  which is why I always call it American rather than English. Although to my shame I sometimes confuse the two as I did live in America for a year and talk with many people from America still 
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| Mister James |
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Mister James
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| Phoenix |
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Phoenix
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| Irezumi aka Reuben |
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Irezumi aka Reuben
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| mistergixer |
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mistergixer
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| Posted: 06:54 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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One incident which has stuck in my mind for years:
Visiting the Tower of London, being given the guided Beefeater tour. He started off by asking if there were any Japanese people on the tour, a few raised their hands, any Germans, again a few raised hands, any Americans - a lot of raised hands.
The Beefeater turned to the Americans and asked:
'Are you here on holiday, or have you come to learn the language?'
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Mr Calendar
Joined: 14 Jun 2004
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| Posted: 08:48 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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One which I always point out at the TV, Lieutenant - it's Left-tennant, not Loo-tenant 
Unless, you're Canadian of course, but then you have bigger issues to deal with 
In fairness the American's do spell it the way it sounds, so they're just being lazy as well!
Although how they get Jaguar as Jag-Wharr rather than Jag-you-are always beats me.
Then there's route, pronounced by the Merrycans as rout.
No dear, a rout is what the Sioux did to Custer at Little Big Horn.
A route is when you want to get from A to B.
Personally I think it's rather quaint those colonials have their own dialect. We must go back there sometime and teach them how to have a democratic government. Although John Cleese allegedly said it better about George W Bush's 2nd election shenanigans... | John Cleese maybe wrote: | Letter to USA
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
John Cleese |
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| iooi |
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iooi
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
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| Posted: 08:56 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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Never mind the yanks....
We have a whole generation who now use TXT typing all the time.... 
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| Hetzer |
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Hetzer
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| Posted: 09:06 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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I love his comments about the yanks not being fit to own guns. Excuse me? Us brits are pretty much banned from owning so much as a fvcking TOY gun (airsoft). Or Samurai swords. But I guess maybe John Cleese' wealth has insulated him from the realities of UK governance.
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Mr Calendar
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Posted: 09:34 - 14 Sep 2009  Post subject: |
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| Dragonfly |
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Dragonfly
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| Mister James |
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Mister James
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| AngelGrinder |
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AngelGrinder
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Mister James
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| cal91 |
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cal91
Nearly there...
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| Posted: 12:20 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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I do hate the whole TXT language too.
I do sometimes say the odd 'cos' or 'gonna', but thats more slang. But some people take it to the extreme by making their own words up, because apparently it looks cool.
I remember having a rant on facebook to this girl who said "Ih dinna tyme". All I said was "Speak english much?".
It actually gets my back up more than the yank language. I aren't very good at being grammar correct myself but atleast I actually try. It takes a lot of proof reading. 
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cal91
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G
The Voice of Reason
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| Hetzer |
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Hetzer
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Posted: 17:25 - 14 Sep 2009  Post subject: |
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| Skudd |
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Skudd
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| 5v3d3b0 |
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5v3d3b0
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| Poseidon |
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Poseidon
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| Posted: 18:58 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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I once had a go at a yank bird when I was in Prague.
Me: Good morning miss
Her: OH MY GAWD... urr Briddish!
Me: No love... I'm English.
I'm also the only patient at my doctors surgery listed as White-English and opposed to White-British 
You do have to wonder if txt spk is just an unwanted (by most) evolution of the English language. In the same way as our SPG is much more straightforward than Shakespearian English, which was commonplace in the 16th century. And Shakespearian is just a watered down version of middle English (Chaucer and the like). And even Chaucer was seen as writing in the "common language" in the 12th century (as most people spoke French... I think)
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| KevTM |
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KevTM
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| Posted: 19:27 - 14 Sep 2009 Post subject: |
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I don't know, I find Aluminum & Math, eh, cute!
The one I detest is "Soddering".. It's "Soldering" thank you very much. Just sounds stupid. |
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Skudd
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Hetzer
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Mister James
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Old Thread Alert!
The last post was made 16 years, 144 days ago. Instead of replying here, would creating a new thread be more useful? |
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. That's the sort of perfunctory examination I'd expect of a government minister seeking to justify weapons of mass destruction and the like 
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