Funny texts

[JAMSXR]

This web site contains various text messages sent in by members of the public, whether they are true or not some of them are pretty funny!

https://www.textsfromlastnight.com/worst-nights/1

Few examples:

Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!

(215): drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
(1-215): omg no way im finding him!
(215): he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.

i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

(972): Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?

(913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

(+44): Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

(775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
(504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.

(734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.

(423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
(1-609): and?
(609): RIP clitoris
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[The999Kid]

"69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle"

WTF!

"(415): how hairy? two words: wookie tits"
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NDB 19/10/1989 - 1/11/2010 |Nowhere.Elyseum wrote: I get the distinct feeling that Tim should be our secret weapon for future trolling. I don't know many people that can rip the piss in Iambic pentameter

[bacon]

[Blackwolf]

[JAMSXR]

[Blackwolf]

[JAMSXR]

[Moonie]

(702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
(1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
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Don't practice it until you get it right, practice it until you don't get it wrong.
Presenting the one and only Chinkmobile

[That_Hornet]

[Moonie]

(612): So do you want to come over?
(763): Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

(216): let's bang
(773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
____________________
Don't practice it until you get it right, practice it until you don't get it wrong.
Presenting the one and only Chinkmobile

[That_Hornet]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score


Lol

[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
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My Flickr

[Moonie]

I just submitted a real one of my own:

(853)
Your ex, ____ is in my girlfreinds photography class
(440)
I don't have an ex called ____?
(853)
The one that took all that meth and bit a teacher?
(440)
Oh, that ex


____________________
Don't practice it until you get it right, practice it until you don't get it wrong.
Presenting the one and only Chinkmobile

[ben_wheely]

(905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.


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Rides: '05 Yammy WR290-F

[Dr. DaveJPS]

these made me lol;

(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherfucker
(813): She's next.

(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
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"intelligent inattention is preferable to unintelligent tinkering"
www.davejps.com

[DEN MONKEY]

he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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meh

[Ol]

[clancy]

brilliant site

[Mac_Black]

PWNED

(802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

/Edit

One for Wally

(613): he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.

And stolen from the 'Best nights of all time' page:

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

[Noxious89123]

(215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
(610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.


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'06 Honda CBR125RW-6 ~ '00 Honda CBR600F-Y ~ '07 Honda CBR600RR-7 ~ Bikeless
'53 Ford Ka 1.3 ~ '03 Vauxhall Astra SRi 1.8 ~ '52 Vauxhall Astra SRi 2.2 ~ '53 Vauxhall Astra GSi

[Mr Nice Guy]

Repost


https://www.bikechatforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=178868&sid=6528d4dcb547261caed916e74db8b788


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Suzuki GSX-R750K4 ~ Mivv GP

[Dragonfly]

(612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

there is some messed up stuff in there.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[jay12329]

(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

[T-b0Ne321]

(504): Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

haha
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Current bike: 08 ER6-N

[2E]

(631): i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

(251): Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
(1-251): Why are you in my underwear drawer?

(313): I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

(915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
(1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me


legend thread!
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Bringing Classic Bikes Back Into Fashion
Rides: 1980 Honda CX500