I have no aggression at all - Normal?

[the grim reaper]

I am a very laidback person and I seem to lack any natural aggression or anger. My ex wife is a complete bitch and while I will broach subjects that I want to discuss with her, I end up dropping the subject when she gets arsey. Now I know what the first response will be 'Man up and grow a pair' but I don't seem to have the anger in me to actually go apeshit at her, as she fully deserves.

Why not? This woman has treated me like crap, taken my kids to the other side of the country and seems to believe that the world owes her something. My current (rather wonderful (she's reading this over my shoulder)) fiancee gets annoyed that I just don't seem to be able to use the anger I feel to get across what I want to say.

Why the hell not? After all that this bitch has done (sleeping with a mate of mine, getting herself pregnant deliberately just before we split, leaving me with a huge debt and now threatening me with the CSA every five minutes, as she knows that would stop me being able to afford to drive to collect my kids) I should be livid and able to just tell her to f*** off whenever the mood takes me.

I know that a part of it is the fact that she has the ace card, custody of the kids, but why the hell do I always back down? Is there some sort of reverse anger management I can do? Learn to be angry instead of learning not to be?

Cheers

Grim
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Adverts don't always work: Remember that advert, where the army are running across the desert and they have a wounded man on a stretcher. They get to a ravine, the bridge is down and a caption pops up that says, 'What are you thinking?'. I don't know about you but I was thinking, 'Christ, I'm glad I'm not in the f***ing army'.

[The Original Muzza]

Maybe not angry, but you could get a self-help guide on being more assertive. I'm pretty laid back and have no reason not to be, so I don't really care about my lack of aggression, but it's sounds like your circumstances require you to take charge and knock the bitch down a peg or two.
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From then on, I and the bicycle feelings deeper.

[That_Hornet]

Anger is overrated.

Its better to keep a cool head. (get angry, the easier it i for her to get the courts to refuse you access to your kids)

Like the other posts. Assert your self more. More dominant in conversations.

[colin1]

I don't think anger would help in your situation.
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[WishayKillie]

You not getting angry or loosing your temper during arguments will probably infuriate her more than if you lost it. She just wants to see you get stressed and loose the plot, that would more than likely give her a bit of satisfaction. Keep with the "meh" attitude to slowly drive her mental
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[Ste]

Punch her in the tits and do her in the gary?

[MarJay]

Sounds like you've got plenty of anger, but no assertiveness.

Maybe you should look into doing assertiveness training? Getting angry doesn't help anyone. Getting your point across does.
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[the grim reaper]

[WishayKillie]

[WildGoose]

Being able to keep a cool head when things piss you off, is nothing to attempt to train yourself out of, anger rarely helps a situation.

Unless she is some sort of drug addict or alcoholic, the ball will always be in her court. She is the mother.

No amount of anger or getting your point across is going to change the fact that she has and always will have control of the kids.

Best advice would to be as pleasant as possible, because the CSA have far too much power to make the fathers life an absolute misery. If you can arrange a fair amount of child support money to transfer directly to her rather than involve the CSA that would be the far better option (for both parties).

I'm an angry person, but when i'm trying to get shit done, the diplomatic approach generally moves things forwards.
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So in other words, he stopped you for being flagrantly in posession of a motorcycle in direct contravention of the Hippies, Darkies and People Whose Face I Don't Like The Look of (Police Powers) Act. 1976

[Clanger]

In a way you have the upper hand. She doesn't sound like she's worth the energy...and perhaps if you did lose your rag with her, she'd only use it against you regarding the kids.

If you really truly want to tap into anger, consider the biker who cut you up on the M27 a couple of weeks ago, and remember how it made you feel...hold onto that feeling before she comes round, and give it to her tenfold.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[pyx_e]

I love people who get angry easily. People like you are much more trouble. Angry twats always lose, they may win a battle or two but they never win any wars.
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Kawasaki: ER5, Versys, VN900.

[Ariel Badger]

I do not get angry, working with children anger is not a good thing. I do get annoyed and I do get fustrated but I try to remain cool and positive when things go juvenile.
Some older posters may be thinking " But what about when you bit off the junkie's nose?" In that incident I was threatened and needed to take the upper hand before things got out of hand. Although I did bite the junkie very hard and mash his nuts a bit I never lost my temper, indeed when I got to the pub I sat down with a pint and did not mention it untill my mate said "Wappen? why is you got blood on your shirt an ting Blud?". Only then did I mention that I was almost mugged but persuaded the criminal types involved that on reflection it was not worth doing.
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[Robby]

I never get angry. Never have.

Calm and patience is the key. The irritating woman can be handled through gentle, long term manipulation. This makes it hugely effective if you ignore her shit for a long time and reply with one very carefully shrouded, but very real, threat.

[ZRX61]

Simple answer:
You've moved on. If you were having angry reactions to her behavior it simply means she still has some control over you.
No reaction: no control.

My ex missus tries this shit with me & it drives her absofuckinglutely batty that she can't get a reaction out of me

[Kwaks]

[Dragonfly]

I say anger would towards your ex would make matters worse. She is well used to walking over the top of you and giving you crap, the minute you answer back she will be worse. As if she isnt making it hard enough for you. She knows she can thats why. As others have said you dont need anger here. Your lucky you dont have it actually as it lands so many in trouble and rash decisions that arnt smart are made through anger.

You can take a calm approach and come out teh better one here. I agree a little assertiveness will help. You dont want to be a complete door mat you do have rights to your kids so dont bow to all the exs demands. She wouldnt be happy at your currant gf, I say that would spark off some anger from her.

Write down what you want, stick to it. You dont have to go beating your chest like a gorilla to get it. people would probably deal with you better and more civil than an anger mother demanding everything.
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All the breast.
Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[the grim reaper]

Ta peeps, chilled it is then

To answer a few questions, I do pay a set amount each month, as agreed by me and the ex to keep her benefits intact, if I pay the full amount then the CSA keep it and she still gets the same benefits, so I lose. The issue is that she has moved in with her new bloke (who actually seems OK, as long as he is good to the kids then I don't care, good luck to him, he's gonna need it ) and I think she will have to come off benefits, as she is now co-habiting.

I guess time will tell but if the CSA come knocking then I will fight it tooth and nail and explain that I already pay all I can afford.

Still, a good weekend with the kids was had, so it's not all bad. Apart from Operation Stack, see my other rant for that one.

Cheers

Grim
____________________
Adverts don't always work: Remember that advert, where the army are running across the desert and they have a wounded man on a stretcher. They get to a ravine, the bridge is down and a caption pops up that says, 'What are you thinking?'. I don't know about you but I was thinking, 'Christ, I'm glad I'm not in the f***ing army'.

[Sir Black Pig]

When I first split from the DDMBFH she took the kids away down south and we came to an agreement between us, then the usual unreasonable-greedy-bitch-itis set in and she started whining all over the CSA.

The amount they ruled that I should pay was LESS than I was already giving her. Still, I carried on paying the same amount in the foolhardy belief that it was for the benefit of the kids.

Crazy bitch wanted me to carry on paying her, even after I got custody of the kids!!

Anyway the point is, the CSA is not always a bad option.

Kudos for keeping cool
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Eurotrip 2009
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[smegballs]

[map]

I'm told I can appear to be quite angry when actually I'm not feeling anything of the sort.
I think it's because I can be quite brusque, 'snappy' and curt with people.
Maybe that's the way to go?
If it's like me just imagine you're in a hurry and aren't suffering fools gladly.

I have learnt that when someone gets angry with me not to enter into a shouting match.
Far better to just speak more softly and quietly.
This either (a) winds them up more in which case you win with a "if you're not going to discuss this sensibly...." or (b) some little voice in their head reminds them of the phrase "speak softly and carry a big stick" followed by the realisation "ah! he's speaking softly to me!"

Just my thoughts. Hope you get your situation sorted how you want
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...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
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[the grim reaper]

[Sir Black Pig]

DDMBFH

Devil Dog Mad Bitch From Hell...
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Eurotrip 2009
Sportugal 2010

[colin1]

[Fawbish]