I think I'm starting to like Clarkson.

[Hetzer]

The enlosed article by Jeremy Clarkson was in this week's Sunday Times but
has since been 'pulled' - probably by the subject of the article, Peter
Mandelson. So much for free speech. But poor old manglebum fails to
appreciate how the blogsphere works and in no time the article finds
itself going viral round the world. Wonderful. Enjoy it - and feel free to
pass it on if you enjoyed it.....


Jeremy Clarkson


Sunday Times 8/11/09


I've given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I'm afraid
I've decided that it's no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I'm
afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the
country until he isn't alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be
allowed into the country's top universities even if they have 4,000
A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots
and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt

I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans
and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when
he didn't bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the
way he quite literally lords it over us even though he's resigned in
disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which
he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now
seem to be taking leave of their senses.

There's talk of emigration in the air. It's everywhere I go. Parties.
Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can't see the point because she won't be going
to university, because she doesn't have a beak or flippers or a
qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often,
why we don't live in America .

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can't stand the constant raids
on their wallets and their privacy. They can't understand why they are
taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the
nation's capital. They can't understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can't understand anything. They see the
Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see
the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support
officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and
nothing can be done because it's racist.

And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not
sort out the banking crisis that he doesn't understand because he's a
small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of
train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting
uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead
soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the
lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and
they think, "I've had enough of this. I'm off."

It's a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained,
Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral,
trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual,
mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and
set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can't go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can't go to Switzerland
because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and
subsequently shot in the head if you don't sweep your lawn properly, and
you can't go to Italy because you'll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse's head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called
Don a bundle of used notes for "organising" a plumber.

You can't go to Australia because it's full of things that will eat you,
you can't go to New Zealand because they don't accept anyone who is more
than 40 and you can't go to Monte Carlo because they don't accept anyone
who has less than 40 mill. And you can't go to Spain because you're not
called Del and you weren't involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can't
go to Germany ... because you just can't.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you'll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it's okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can't go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada's full of people pretending to be French, South Africa's too risky, Russia's worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies
or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So
you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country
that doesn't help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the
money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt.
But wherever you go you'll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a
cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the
wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it's been
for decades, but the lunatics who've made it so ghastly are on their way
out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African
nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke
whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in
Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the
lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit.
____________________
"There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!"

[Skudd]

[Hetzer]

[Alexio]

This is exactly how Jeremy Clarkson has been writing his articles for years.
____________________
will never give up his CG. I look at my fuel gauge more as a progress bar than a fuel gauge.
G: With my GSXR I do often effectively use it as a scooter with a clutch in town.
ms51ves3: why does it need 500 miles? Are you teaching it how to be a piston?

[Raffles]

The thread title states, ''I think I'm starting to like Clarkson.''
What took you so long?
____________________
A good loser will always be a loser.

[lostboy]

They should do a topgear special tie every mp around a load of lorries to test the best lorry in a 'race' like they did with the busses when trying to find the best bus for london, and get rid of all the money grabbing thieving bastards in one go and televise it the same time as x-factor and destroy their ratings and kill 2 birds with 1 stone. cheer me and a few million other hard working brits up no end
____________________
Never invite a vampire into your house you silly boy!

[arry]

[Hetzer]

[arry]

[Hetzer]

[lostboy]

I find clarkson to be a 'marmite' type of bloke you either like him or you don't, me I think the guys great,
____________________
Never invite a vampire into your house you silly boy!

[soforene]

Jezza for PM !!

[Raffles]