Texts from last night

[2E]

Probably a repost but who cares

https://www.textsfromlastnight.com/







(314):

So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.


(404):

Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404):

Two?

(404):

Two.




(212):

i want you now
(916):

you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this




(843):

happy early fathers day!!!
(829):

im not a father

(843):

about that...




(308):

I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad




(902):

and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.


(612):

What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?




(306):

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".


(215):

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section




(203):

he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?


(407):

my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.


(323):

You got in a fight last night?
(818):

Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got ****ed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

(323):

Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?




(781):

I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.


(973):

Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.


(631):

My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud


(802):

my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE **** DID U DO TO ME???


(610):

Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.


(915):

so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
(1-915):

who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me


(732):

she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
____________________
Bringing Classic Bikes Back Into Fashion
Rides: 1980 Honda CX500

[Paxovasa]

Some of them are class
____________________
Suzuki GSF600 K3 (in the fastest colour, black).

[2E]

More:

(850):

so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

(308):

I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.


(678):

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.


(831):

I puked off the balcony.
(1-831):

Not horrible
(831):

Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.


(954):

I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

(609):

I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted


(312):

dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.


(612):

i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
____________________
Bringing Classic Bikes Back Into Fashion
Rides: 1980 Honda CX500