Supermarket incident

[Clanger]

I was in Sainsbury's earlier, wandering along, minding my own business, doing my shopping and someone lobbed a massive block of cheese at me!!!

I turned around and yelled "that wasn't very mature...!!!"








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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[The999Kid]

*hands coat and points to door*
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NDB 19/10/1989 - 1/11/2010 |Nowhere.Elyseum wrote: I get the distinct feeling that Tim should be our secret weapon for future trolling. I don't know many people that can rip the piss in Iambic pentameter

[kate t]

I was just about to reply with.... I was walking through Dorchester on my own, and someone through a stone at me.... they did

I didn't know what to do and was a little scared....

Then I realized that you're telling a joke

[silky666]

That is Crawley for you ... a total sh*t hole ... full of chavs and the underclass.

My first house was near Crawley .. and I came back from work one day to find some bloke unbolting my wooden front gate.
Couldnt believe how he just carried on and looked at me as if it didnt matter.
Big lump of a bloke though .... I darent say anything in case he took a fence.
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There's nothing that shouts "Poor Workmanship" more than wrinkles in the Gaffa tape.

Gaffa tape is like "the force" - it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

[Frost]

Packet of Tunes walks into a bar. Landlord says to the barman: "Don't serve him, he's Menthol."

A piece of tarmac walks into a bar. Landlord says to the barman: "Don't serve him, he's a cyclepath."

[JonB]

[The Shaggy D.A.]

[Paxovasa]

A man walks into a bar. He says to the barman, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor crisps?" The barman says, "Sorry, we only have plain."
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Suzuki GSF600 K3 (in the fastest colour, black).

[kate t]

[Raffles]

I was walking through Barnsley yesterday when a chav threw a can of beer at me. When challenged he said, ''what's wrong with you, man, it was only light ale.''
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[stinkwheel]

I was stood in the queue at the supermarket the other day eating a bag of dog biscuits.

The woman behind me seemed shocked and asked if I was sure they were safe to eat.

"Well, I've only just got out of hospital after the last time to be honest, but I can't leave them alone, I love dog biscuits." I replied.

"How can you just stand there and eat them if you know they're poisonous?", she asked.

"Oh, they're not poisonous. I got hit by a car when I was sat in the middle of the road licking my arse."
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[swampy]

I went to the butchers the other day and bet him he couldn't hand me some meat from the top shelf.

He turned me down though, apparently the stakes were too high..
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"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S Thompson
"Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death..." Hunter S Thompson

[Frost]

What do you call mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.


What's big, grey and unimportant?

An Irrelephant.

[james1988]

There was a fight and the fish and chip shop the other night.
Two cod got battered.

[Moonie]

What do Mexicans have under their carpets?

Underlay, Underlay!
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Don't practice it until you get it right, practice it until you don't get it wrong.
Presenting the one and only Chinkmobile

[james1988]

What do you call a Mexican at the bottom of a swimming pool?

Cinco!

[bacon]

[Walloper]

[chris-red]

What's red and white and sits in a tree?







A sanitary owl.
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Well, you know what they say. If you want to save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs.
Skudd:- Perhaps she just thinks you are a window licker and is being nice just in case she becomes another Jill Dando.
WANTED:- Fujinon (Fuji) M42 (Screw on) lenses, let me know if you have anything.

[dodgydog]

A white horse walks ino a pub and asks for a whisky.
Barman says "that's a coincidence, we have a whisky named after you"
horse says "what, Norman"



Dog
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[dodgydog]

Bloke walked into a bar.
he said OW
It was an Iron bar.


Dog
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[chris-red]

Man walks into a bar orders 9 Tequila Slammers, 'Bloody hell mate what are you celebrating' says the barman
'My first Blow Job' says the Man
The Barman Replies 'Well done have one on the house'
'No thanks' Says the man 'If the first 9 won't take the taste out of my mouth I doubt another one will'
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Well, you know what they say. If you want to save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs.
Skudd:- Perhaps she just thinks you are a window licker and is being nice just in case she becomes another Jill Dando.
WANTED:- Fujinon (Fuji) M42 (Screw on) lenses, let me know if you have anything.

[Azonicben]

Two couples on holiday, Paul and Dave decide to try and get their other halves to give wife swapping a crack.

They both pose the question to their respective missus`, amazingly they both say yes, Paul knows that its his wife`s "time of the month" so he`s definately got one up on Dave.

Paul and Dave agree that at breakfast the next morning they`ll tap the spoon on the table however many times the`ve shagged each others missus.

The next morning Paul grins and taps twice smuggly and looks over to Dave.

Dave raises his eyebrows, giggles to himself and taps once on the jam and four times on the Nutella.
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Cbt-23/09/07.....Theory-16/09/08.....Das passed 10/10/08.....
Current bike- GsxR750 K4. Broken: Cbr400rr (Nc29) Sold: Hyosung GT125R

[pepperami]

I walked into a bar the other day and slipped on a turd in the doorway.
I was looking at the mess on my shoe when a punter walked passed and said "I just did that"









Dirty little git! why did`nt he use the toilet
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I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[Didge]

"I was asked to run a marathon a few years back.

I said, "No way."

They said "Come on, please, it's
for spastics and blind children.'

So I thought, sod it, I could win this."