Work Banter

[dextersaurus]

A new guy started at my work about a month ago, he got transferred from another depot...

Telling me that the banter at his place was non-existant, when he saw me boot a packet of crisps at my boss, only to have a roll of toilet paper chucked at me.

And when you're bored....

https://i624.photobucket.com/albums/tt325/duncdmc/DSC00049-1.jpg?t=1292888899

That's tame compared to half the stuff that happens in the place...

But anyway, share your tales of work banter?

Got to be some hilarious ones.

Dunc

[Ariel Badger]

You live life on the edge, respect.

Edit, get something for the blackheads, they will hold you back.
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Bikers make great organ donors, get 115 on your licence today.

[dextersaurus]

Of course i do.

I could have DIED.

Edit: that's not me.... Got a warning for putting a pic up once, rather not get him in trouble too.

[Billing]

One of our suppliers use giant boxes to send stuff to us, I've been put in one of these and carried around the store. They've tried to put me in the skip aswell, but the door is too small They want to try readdressing the box to the Halfords next door and delivering me there
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'84 TS50X, '91 TZR125, '89 CBR400RR, '91 VFR400R NC30, '98 R1
"Hey copernicus! Why don't you navigate yourself to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shit."
BCF Eastern members map here ---> g.co/maps/2tm8b PM me to be added to it!

[panrider_uk]

Before H&S put a stop to most fun we put one of the computer operators under the computer room's floor.

Mark
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Current bikes: Honda ST1100 Pan European. Moto Guzzi V85 TT Travel

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

Worked with a cross eyed bloke.
We'd often say 'Look at me when i'm talking to you' He was built like an outhouse..My duck n dive skills were tested.

He didn't know his own strength and on a friday night pub crawl gave me what he called 'a rabbit punch' to my kidney. We were underneath a bridge and you could hear the thwack echo. I can't remember breathing in for quite some time.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[warped one]

Work banter??

You call that banter???

I have been ductaped and thrown in a site box before, then thrown in the back of a van and transported to Barnsley and been stuck there all day before the drive back only to have the box caved in by the blokes I work with,

Other than that been crucified is common practise, it entails a broom rammed through the arms of your overall's and then been lifted up by the fork truck so your toes are just touching the ground. Not very nice after 1 hour let alone 8.
I worked out how to get out of my overall's like this, so they started to ductape my arms to the broom, and stack me in the pipe rack outside all day, no matter what the weather was. They now have 2 hooks above my workshop doors some 8m up, so that they can hang me off them, because I was laughing each time I got put in the pipe rack.

One of the worst I have had done is when we were making a tank, it was 8m dia, and I was been lippy to a few of the blokes, they taped me to the 'spider*' inside, then left it to rotate for the whole of dinner, bear in mind it took roughly an hour to make one full rotation. When my boss came out to see me like that he just walked up, slapped me and walked off.

One of the most humiliating ones is to be 'Bogged' this means you have your head rammed down the shitter and flushed regardless of if it has been flushed or not. And the time you spend down there depends on the size of the bloke holding you. And been 5'4 and 8st piss wet when I started, I can say I can hold my breath for a long time.

Other than that, the usual, been thrown in a site box and having it filled with water up to hand holds is common practise on a cold day. I made the mistake of trying to tip the box over last year, and nearly drown due to it been so full of water.

Workshop banter is nothing compared to what I have been through.

I can state that the worse torture I have even had is been welded inside a bit of pipe. I was stupid enough to be giving the welder some lip when he was welding a cap on one end. He got me to crawl inside and start grinding the rust off the middle so he could weld a stiffner in. As I was doing that he welded the other cap on and left in there for roughly 26hours on site. Not something I would like to do again, and I can certainly say I never gave him lip again.

Good fun been in my workshop.

*(Spider is used to keep the tank round as it is built up, and joined together.
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amnesia - Never in the history of usernames has one been more accurate. Warped indeed. You sir are a fecking oddball.

[dextersaurus]

I'm on a final warning at my work for falling through the manager's office roof.... i wouldn't have got caught if they didn't see the CCTV.

But when my brother was working with Turners, being the apprentice, they took the forklift and put his car on the roof of the office...

Being 18 and a student, i can't really afford to do some shit that would end up with me getting sacked.

Dunc

[Ben.]

if someone done any of the above to me there is no way in hell they would be safe to walk off site. At no point would i find that funny and if anyone thought they could shove my head down a toilet, they better like being hit very fucking hard with a club hammer.
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follow my racing season
Race bike - R6
Road bike - sv650

[warped one]

It's all good fun.

I have taken it for the past 3 1/2 years, and now the new kids take it.

Also would you really want to club a 18st mauler?
They all know I have slight mental problems and will offer each of them out of they wind me up to that point, but I have rarely been to that point bar, one of them taking the piss out of my mum since she is epileptic, and he learnt that I was pissed off after, him offering me out in the workshop, then on the forecourt until I told him to come out on the the road so I could kick 10bells into him.

Basic rule with me now at work is don't insult my family, or I will turn serious, anything else is just a laugh.
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amnesia - Never in the history of usernames has one been more accurate. Warped indeed. You sir are a fecking oddball.

[-LG-]

[johnsmith222]

Unfortunately everywhere in my work is covered with cameras. There is room for a bit of banter and chatting but it's not possible to have a full on carry on.

Warped mate, they really shouldn't have done that shit to you. They aren't having a banter, they were full on taking advantage of you. It sounds like a case of you giving them an inch, and them taking a mile.

You have mental health issues (no shame in that, I can relate somewhat).

You should have totally lost it mate, even if they were bigger than you or outnumbered, it's the principle.

Man up and crack skulls.

[Ben.]

[Shaun]

Some people really need to look up the meaning of banter.

[Nai]

Our company used to always do 1 big thing to the new guy and then it was all normal banter afterwards.

I got shrunk wrapped to a blow up doll and sat on the Jubilee line. Another guy got shrunk wrap to the forks of a forklift tuck and driven out onto the Uxbridge road. Another guy had his feet and and hands cable tied together, got caked in cosmetics, hair wax, shampoos and conditioners and thrown onto the 607 bus.

I doubt you would get away with any of that any more.

[DrDonnyBrago]

Warped, do you even 'think' these things have happened or are you not aware of the bullshit you ejaculate?

[Shaun]

[waffles]

I used to work in a well know restaurant/bar chain, the head chef used to try and send every new person down to the cellar for a long weight/wait, bucket of steam and all that. The best one though was when we used to stay late to prep for the yearly deep clean of everything. In the bar there used to be a tiny lift down to the cellar that had to be inspected and passed for safety despite the fact that it was never used. You could only fit a few crates and some bottles in it as it was really small.

We heard the thing creaking its way up and stop, assumed that the inspector guy was just testing it when suddenly he threw open the door, parachute rolled out of it, stood up and walked away like nothing had happened. Scared the utter shit out of us!

I now worked in a school and before they put the CCTV up we used to play rugby along the corridors.
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Theory test - 19/8/09, CBT - 11/10/09, MOD 1 - 16/8/10, MOD 2 - 27/10/10
Past rides Yamaha XT125X, Triumph TT600, Honda XR250
Current rides Suzuki GSXR 600, Honda MSX125

[dodgydog]

I remember a lad I knew, he was a right gobby twat and was always getting chased around the mill. One day he got caught, the others tied him up and fastened him into a skep (a big wicker basket thing, used to transport yarn)
they fastened it to the hoist and slung it out three storeys above the yard, only it wasn't quite secure. I happened along just as they were going to leave him dangling, and just as one of the straps slipped off the end of the skep.
We just, and I do mean just, managed to pull it back in without the other strap slipping, it was hanging 1/4" from the edge.
The lad was the only one who never knew how close he was to dying that day.
It was quiet for a couple of weeks after that. The normal service was resumed. Although confined to crucifiction (brush handle through overalls, nailed to wall). Target practice, (crucifiction combined with throwing sharp objects at him). Grease in his pockets, etc etc.


Dog
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[Kwaks]

Warped.....Seriously?
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Fallen Angel "Nae sniffing my seat now!!!!! "
www.cliqueycuntsmcc.co.uk
I AM NOT A FAST RIDER!!!!!!!!!

[pinkyfloyd]

I spent 16 years as a chef working in kitchens.... The work banter is unrepeatable.
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illuminateTHEmind wrote: I am just more evolved than most of you guys... this allows me to pick of things quickly which would have normally taken the common man years to master
Hockeystorm65:.well there are childish arguments...there are very childish arguments.....there are really stupid childish arguments and now there are......Pinkfloyd arguments!
Teflon-Mike:I think I agree with just about all Pinky has said.

[Slacker24seve...]

[hmmmnz]

yesterday the apprentice got himsef via his overalls nailed to the wall
today we had time trails on the trolley jack around an obstical course on a unfinished floor we are wiring, i came 3rd

sparks never grow up, even the old guys get into mischief, and tricks are played on any and every one including the boss
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the humans are dead
I kick arse for the lord
Wiring Diagrams BIDNIP it bitches

[SlimRick]

Just general mischief, laziness and xbox here

https://i457.photobucket.com/albums/qq295/Slimrick72/utf-8BSU1HMDA0NzAtMjAxMDEyMTMtMTEzNi5qcGc.jpg?t=1292930117

[schooleydoo]