I need your sarcasm (writing complaint email)

[Dragonfly]

I came here for wit and sarcasm. Mine is not enough for this task.

I am fed up with sainsburys sending me out of date food in my shopping, and before any one says I have no car and its miles from me and handy when its free delivery. Plus they have gluten free food there tesco dosnt have as tesco thinks people who need gluten free food eat biscuits all the time.

Anyway for bread its ridiculously dear, £2.49 I think a small loaf of genius bread. Always always get it out of date on the day! wtf am I suppose to do with 4 loafs of this out of date bread? even the normal bread for my kids and other half where a day out! And my sandwich filler was out of date today.I literally near threw them at the driver who didnt look to happy at having to take them back. I have had several refunds and promises to speak to the store so they will check what they are putting in but I suspect they are deliberately sending out food thats out of date or very short at full price as customers wouldnt pick that in the store. These pickers are suppose to be my eyes and pick the best. Seems like leftovers to me.

I have decided to not shop there any more and go back to tesco even though they havnt got what I want in there but I want to email them some shit first and I am hormonal and dont get out enough. Maybe get a conversation going to wind them up.
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Muzza on Binge:
He's too busy beating the everloving shit out of Lizzie to notice this thread has taken a turn down Drama Avenue and stopped off at the popcorn shop.

[Rowey]

Turd in a jiffy bag?
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ZX6R C6F.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll only bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.

[st3v3]

Firstly, whats your problem with out of date food?

You do realise date is just a shelf life period, not the time it 'goes off'?


Im quite good at such letters but i have to believe in the cause. I dont believe in best before dates..


If its about your treatment then i could go with that
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[Chalky.]

Nothing too fancy, bit busy atm.

Dear ...

I am writing to congratulate you on your attention to detail when it comes to the best before of your products. My name is ... and I have been an unfortunate loyal customer for quite some time now. I am in the unfortunate position wherein I have to purchase gluten free food. I thank you for providing me with the opportunity to sample your gluten free products for the short period they are delivered to me before they go out of date. Now, had I bought a loaf of bread from the shop with full knowledge that it goes out of date that day, it would be my own retardedness. If you delivered me a loaf of bread, in a home delivery service I pay for, that goes out of date that day, it would be your retardedness. Times that retardedness by four, as somehow the monkeys that are employees of sainsburys can send me all four of the bread loaves I have ordered, all of which go out of date on the same day, the day of delivery.

It can only be presumed that the home service that your customers pay for is, in effect, a way to get rid of old stock. Congratulations, you con the elderly, the homebound and the average working man all in one go.

I look forward to your reply.

...

[Dragonfly]

[G]

Haven't got the time to write anything up now, but I think I'd definitely be reminding them about things like this: https://www.tradingstandards.gov.uk/extra/news-item.cfm/newsid/406
I think they can be fined by up to £5k per item of out of date food they have - when I was working in Starbucks it was made clear we had to be VERY careful because of this sort of thing.

[DrDonnyBrago]

Insist on paying with an out of date credit card .

[The Artist]

Was wondering how long it would take to get from fb to bcf

[AJ9000]

Whilst I am generally hungry when the delivery arrives, I found it quite a challenge to eat four loaves of bread in the few hours left to me by the best before dates. My children helped, but one of them swelled up - a bit like Violet Beauregarde from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (but without turning purple). Luckily they returned to normal after a few days of not having any food in the house that was in date.

[Dragonfly]

[MarJay]

Remind them that it is a £5000 fine for every item of out of date produce they sell if trading standards hear of it. Tell them that next time this happens, you won't refuse the delivery, rather you'll just pass on the out of date goods straight to trading standards and let them deal with it.

{edit} D'oh G beat me to it {edit}
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[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

Surely if you actually want to get somewhere it's worth being factual rather than sacastic, and send it directly to the highest person you can get an address/phone number for.
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[Dragonfly]

[UnknownStuntm...]

There may be two 'dates' you need to be aware of before going off half cocked (even though I can tell you're closer to zero-cocked, what with being hormonal, and most likely a female woman of the opposite sex....). These dates are; 'Best before' which is where you are encouraged to enjoy the said foodstuffs before the date. It may be eaten afterwards, but it might not be at it's best. 'Use by' is a simple cut off point. Don't eat the food after this date.

So, armed with this knowledge, I would say something like...

Recently I received another delivery of my shopping from yourselves. It's incomplete again. Let me explain. The 'use by' date of the [Gluten Free Bread - four loaves] in the order was [2nd Feb]. The order arrived on [3rd Feb].

The Time Machine (I assume it is part of the order by default) is still nowhere to be seen.

I confess I've made an assumption that the Machine will appear in order for me to use it and go back a little in time to a point where the food was safe to eat, then return to the present. But when will it appear? I've been stood in front of my bread bin, knife in hand, butter poised, looking as if I want to make a tasty sandwich for well over an hour yet there is still no sign of the device. I realise that when it does appear, I'll be able to set my return time to take this into account, and I'll get my hour back - but still, in the present, what am I to do?

So please could you let me know either how to occupy myself in the meantime, or if I've understood the implications incorrectly.

Sincerely etc.
Michael J. Dragonfly

[G]

Time machine probably appeared in the past, that's the problem .

[J0Al1]

I would not use sarcasm in a letter of complaint.

Stick to facts, keep it simple and tell them how you want to be compensated.

[Dragonfly]

[JP7]

I tend to find that you get more bees with honey than vinegar. I usually lay on a sob story.

Perhaps something like...

"Life is difficult enough trying to find enough gluten-free foods without the added inconvenience of them being beyond their best before date by the time they arrive. I pay a premium for gluten-free products and at the very least expect them to be within their best before date in exchange..."

[UnknownStuntm...]

[Hetzer]

[colin1]

[Paulington]

[G]

Probably all the people that bought food BEFORE they came in and fined them .
However, I suspect they didn't think to get counselling and merely may have had a less pleasant time sat on the bog in the worst case.

[owdamer]

We just ring em up and complain everytime and they always refund the cost of the food.
Then we eat it.
There delivery as been over an hour late twice in the last month. You get a £10 voucher each time for that.
Online shopping rocks.

[Pete.]

How about this:
Dear Sir or Madam.

I am writing to you to express my concern and and consternation after yet again having to return foodstuffs brought to me by your home delivery service.

Today I recived four loaves of gluten-free bread, plus several loaves of other bread and another sandwich-filler product all of which were on their 'use by' date. I gave them to the driver to return to your xxxxx store as unaceptable.

I'm sure that you understand, that when a person shops in-store they have the opportunity to view the use by dates and judge whether they will be able to consume that product in the time before that date. Since a home delivery does not offer that opportunity I would expect the store to give extra consideration to the customer by ensuring that the use-by date of perishable products is not imminent. I am sure that you can appreciate that a single person cannot be expected to consume four full loaves of expensive gluten-free bread in a single day nor would one be likely to use up a whole jar of sandwich filler at once. Having loaves of bread delivered on their last day of consumption is of no use to a mother to make sandwiches for her children's packed lunches for their school week either.

As a customer with no easy means to travel to your stores I was very pleased when I found I could have food delivered. In reality the experience has been a series of severe disappointments in your service and difficulties for me in trying to source alternatives after having to return essential foodstuffs delivered to me by your heavily-advertised 'conveinient' service. This is not the first occasion that I have had to send back food delivered to me under these circumstances. I have complained and had assurances on previous occasions but this has availed me nothing and yet again I have been presented with out of date food.

A more cynical person might assume that this is being used by the store as a convenient way of disposing of products so close to their use-by date that in-store customers will pass them over but I prefer to believe that it's merely a lack of foresight on the part of your store manager, and that is why I am bringing this to your attention.

Please can you advise me on how your company intends to address this problem? I do find your service highly conveinent but the execution somewhat lacking. Can I order food from you again and be confident that when it's delivered to me, the use by date will allow sufficient time for it's consumption or will I once again be forced to return the goods and struggle to make up my children's lunches?

I will look forward to your reply.

Sincerely

Dragonfly
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