Cold Callers

[-LG-]

I've been getting a lot of cold callers lately, seems signing up to the TPS doesn't bother them, so want a bit of fun with them.

Any ideas? Keep trying to play porn down the phone, but they always phone my sisters are in the room.

Asking them nicely hasn't worked either .

What do you do?

[pinkyfloyd]

I had one call me and try and sell me a mobile phone a while ago.

It went something like this:

[-Savage-]

If they phone you up, are you allowed to be abusive to them since they are the ones phoning you. I know when you phone a company they say "this call may be recorded", and that by staying on the line you are agreeing to be recorded, but if they phone you no such arrangement is made, so can you get in trouble for telling them to go fcuk a goat?
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[CaNsA]

Good Idea?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1waHJhb2wxo&feature=related

[Ste]

Try and sell them something.

[Harold_Shand]

When I was living at my Dads he got many, many calls from his many, many creditors. I used to do a Papa Lazarou ( League of Gentlemen ).

"Hello Dave?"

"No, this is Simon from the Halifax"

"Oh, Ok. Is Dave there?"

"Could I speak to Mr *****"

"Oh, this is turning into a saga now"

etc etc, was really good fun, me and my sister used to race to phone because we both wanted to do it. It developed into a thing where we would insist that it was Dave who was calling and kept on at the caller to stop winding us up and had he sent the bulbs back.

The more they insisted, the funnier it was...

"Come on Dave, stop messing about, I haven't got long, I'm on me way to Donnas, you know what she's like"

We got really creative.
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BCF's 6th favourite poster 2009-2010

Harold_Shand's theory might be the best explanation.

[thx1138]

There was a very long, heated argument, between a customer and Paypal on the internet a few years ago. He concluded the call by saying that he'd recorded the whole thing, and the Paypal employee got very cross, and so he pointed out that at the beginning he was told "calls may be recorded"

[elgard]

[quote="CaNsA"]Good Idea?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1waHJhb2wxo&feature=related[/quote]


That was brilliant.great find

[bazza]

[N cee thirty]

i find they enjoy listening to my grindcore/deathcore melodys
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Jewlio Iglesias wrote: I actually did vote BNP once

[JP7]

Have a long discussion about their range of conservatories, then casually ask if they can install it on your top floor flat.

Or ask them to hold, and put the phone in a drawer until they give up...

[Beamexican]

Just ask them what they're wearing!!!!!!!!!!

[ajbsmirnoff]

This one makes me almost sorry for the poor chap from BT, he seeems quite shaken at the end on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqKrBz9gGzw&feature=related

[CptBlack]

Not a cold call but you could phone them back with a wind up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4r7UE3phM0

[Marmalade]

I usually ask them to marry me, it confuses the hell out of them,

"you sound really nice, will you marry me, what part of the UK do you live in?"

This works especially well with "John" who sounds especially suited to a name more like Abdul


Mate of mine simply says "let me give you some idea of how interested I am" and hangs up
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[dextersaurus]

A mate of mine kept getting calls about getting a conservatory, was near enough every single day...

At one point he got majorly pissed off with them, and told them to come round and assess the property, since it was such a good deal!

So the guy came to his 3rd floor flat in Edinburgh's city centre, and asked him 'you're having a laugh, right?'

Never got a call from that company again.



Dunc

[-LG-]

Brilliant ideas! Loved the murder one! Might try that next time.

Love the script! They are being printed off and used!

[DrDonnyBrago]

I normally tell them to feck off but occasionally when they ask for Mr XXX, I'll say that I'll just go find him and see how long they will hang around for.

[G]

Some of mine...

Actually, I was wondering about 'X', tell me more.
Oh, there's someone at the door, give me a minute.
A few minutes later "sorry, won't be long".
Yo will need to do some testing to find the optimum maximum length between each time you tell them you'll be back soon and them actually staying on the phone.

(This isn't used so much these days.)
Credit crunchies, yea I HAVE heard about them, but haven't they got an awful lot of sugar in compared to corn flakes?
What? No, you're talking about a breakfast cereal, I saw on the news how it's bad for you.
NO, I'm telling you, corn flakes is all I eat!

This ISN'T a sales call? I think you're a damned liar! Someone did this last week and they WERE lying to me.
Why would you do this?
(For some reason, a lot seem to be particularly offended at being called a liar, despite the fact they rather blatantly are.)

Tell me, how much commission do you get if you get a sale, maybe we could do a deal?
None? (They never admit they would profit from it - if they do, I'd offer a share of the commission if I let them sign me up for a free survey?) ...Warble on about something... You see, you're wasting my time, so I thought I'd waste some of your companies time, as you're not paid on results, you don't mind, do you?

I'll listen to you AFTER you've listed to me, that's fair, isn't it? Now, about these lovely villas in the south of spain that you can use for two WHOLE weeks...

[st3v3]

[Pete.]

My brother just says 'one moment please', then lays the phone down and goes off to do something.
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a.k.a 'Geri'

132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good

[hellbound]

[hellbound]

also rather fun to blow a loud whistle down the line, you might cause eardrum damage, but at least they won't call back.
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May you always see the road rising up to meet you and your enemies defeated in the mirror behind.

[G]

Ah, that reminds me of a particularly good one -
During the quite long call I slowly moved the phone (not on speaker phone) further away from my mouth. To the point it was on a table a couple of meters away. I kept shouting "no, you really need to turn it up, I can't hear you" through out the conversation.
It went on for a while with the phone getting quite far away and me chatting some general nonsense or another.
Then after my last "it's really quiet" I grabbed the phone, put it on speaker phone and shouted directly in to the mic. Forget what, something mildly offensive possibly.
Must have worked well enough, because there was a cheer and some laughing in the background when I did it . Wonder how his hearing was after that.

[Paivi]