Users

[The Shaggy D.A.]

Just when I thought people couldn't get dumber, I had a couple of corkers this week.

The first was a call from a user who couldn't get their VPN connection on their laptop to work. They'd previously had no problem with it but it just wasn't having it. 99% of VPN problems are with the user's own internet connection, so I asked if they could at least open Internet Explorer and see if Google loaded. Nope, page could not be found. I asked whether they have a wired connection or wireless. Wireless they say. I ask if the wireless icon says it's connected, and if so what the signal strength is - no, it's not connected.

At this stage I normally inform them that the internet connection is their responsibility, but it was a quiet day so I pushed on. Do they have a network cable they could use to run to the router temporarily? No, they don't. Also, they tell me, they don't have a router. I asked them again to confirm that they previously didn't have a problem, and they said yes - the problem started when they moved to their new house. I asked who their ISP was, as they should talk to them about getting their laptop connected.

This is when they told me that they didn't have any phone lines yet as BT were installing them at the weekend.


I think the second one beats that though.

I get a call from someone who is hotdesking and can't get on a particular computer - the screen is blank and not responding to the mouse or keyboard. I find a lot of hotdeskers just wander off when they've finished and leave the workstation locked, so I tell her to press and hold the power button on the base unit.

There's no power button, I get told. I ask her what the make and model is, she says it's a Dell, but doesn't know the model. I ask for the asset number so I can look it up, and she says there's no asset number. I get her to check the back, find the power lead and unplug it, which she does. She still can't find the power button to turn it back on again though, so I ask her to describe it - anything to identify the model.

It turns out it's a docking station. She'd just seen a screen, keyboard and mouse and thought it would work. I ask her where the laptop is, she tells me it's on the other side of the room - should she plug that in too?


Scary thing is, these are the people responsible for your healthcare
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[Frost]

I like the one where the woman rings up the tech help bit of a radio show wanting to know why her wireless suddenly won't let her on. They tell her to reset the router, she doesn't know what that is. She's never had one and has been stealing her neighbours wifi the whole time thinking that wifi was something that was just everywhere

We used to get a lot of people ringing up really pissed off at us that their website was down. We'd ask them if they could get to google and they'd say no. Some would then ask if google was down too?

[Hetzer]

I had a callout to a chap who said his PC had "gone off" and he couldn't get it back on. I walked through his door, said Hi and blah blah blah, pushed the ON button and it fired up. He goes "How did you do that?!" I went away feeling like I'd hallucinated it.
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"There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!"

[Frost]

I had a good one once. Guy said his PC wouldn't turn on, blank screen etc. i went to have a look and saw him do the following:

PC: On
Monitor: Off

PC: Off
Monitor: On

repeatedly

[CaNsA]

Back in the day of virginmedia tech line support....

customer - "hi, my computer screen says no input signal. Could you send the internet signal down please"

me - "can you plug your monitor into the computer please?"

customer - "the mainframe box?"

me - "yes, the mainframe box!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?"

2mins later

customer - "thats working now, thanks very much"

*clunk* and hangs up

me - "are you for fukin real!"

my manager - "can i have a word with you please craig"

me - grinning "are you for real?"

my manager - "no"

the roflcopter landed.

I never knew how stupid the general public were until i started that job.

[CaNsA]

addition to the above.

what amazes me about the IT Sector of the NHS is how it can cost upwards for £80 for a new mouse.

Cost calculated from,
the moment the user calls the helpdesk to report a fault and subsequent loss of work time for the user.

The call is logged and sent to the correct department

the call is passed to the relevent onsite engineer

engineer collects mouse and books it out from the storeroom
(the mouse has already been bought but that happened 2weeks ago and took 3weeks to get quotes and authorisation to buy 200 mice)

Engineer attends location, replaces mouse.

this is where the money is being wasted. The make and model have to be "authorised" buy the powers that be. They dont must buy a £5 laser mouse. It has to be a certain type that has been tested and proven not to have any sort of affect on the coffee machine that is 5 floors above it.

seriously though WTF!

[Tarmacsurfer]

[BumpingUglys]

[JonB]

Not IT related, but in my old job for a car rental company I had some classic dumb customers.

Mainly American.

I worked in Bristol and an American chap had booked an automatic vehicle, but the Heathrow branch gave him a brand new manual mondeo.

Gets to Bristol and comes into the branch, now at this point I could smell something really funky already.

His words were: "I think there is something wrong with the car".

Turns out he had been in first gear for the whole journey and burnt the clutch out. How it lasted even that long I will never know, but I will never, ever forget the smell.
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