"Context shift"

[Visitor Q]

I have recently experience this again, and it reminded me of the initial experience, and I was just curious how you guys feel.

My theory is context shift, or rather how you can be really in love (or besotted, if you will) with a woman in one situation, and despite nothing changing in you or the woman, the immediate surroundings, and thus context, change... leading you to find them irritating.

My ex-gf from uni was a lovely soppy thing, and came to visit me in Gran Canaria when I'd been working my arse off with one po-faced irish friend of mine, and was thoroughly sick of it. Ex cheered me up immensely, and I was delighted she was there.
A month later, she came to visit me in Zakynthos, when I was working with a load of hot intelligent women, was not bored, was quite happy... within 5 minutes said soppy ex had driven me nuts.

Now, the Viet girl, who in Vietnam I'd actually genuinely thought was something special, and if she didn't have a kid I'd have tried busting her out... and in fact offered her a green card marriage because I thought she deserved it... she visited me in Thailand the other week, after I'd spent a fair chunk of time with a hot, albeit annoying, intelligent white girl. Viet girl drove me nuts and generally was delighted when she left.

Now, the mechanics and logic behind it are very simple... loneliness/boredom/low self esteem, verse the opposite essentially...

My question is, how do you people in your long term stuff guard against that? Do you just never change context? Never spend time apart? Or does this stuff only seem to come up with gits like me, in amongst the terminally cynical

(Oh, and my computer fried, so will be dipping in and out of this when I get the urge to hit the net cafe).
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China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[unitynotsocri...]

dear bonny,
i like your posts,especially when you talk about birds but context shift is a weird propoal.I think it sounds like another name for when you get bored with your partner and instead of working out resolutions to day to day problems and setting the foundations for an eternal long relationship,
you find that your not prepared to put up with the crappy side of it and cant tolerate the cheesy bits of relationships,i.e. get bored and start finding you 'love' and 'affection' in lusting over some new tits n fanny thus making you more disatisfied with the one your on at the mo. CONTEXT SHIFT = physical/sensual boredom.............cant you just say 'bored with shagging that' rather than start using the paradigms and intellectual art languague.

To avoid CONTEXT SHIFT just get the lady pregnant,therefore unleashing the true secrets of relatonships,i.e. shagging is for babies not egocentric pleasure,nature knows what she's doing thats why sex is nice (except in childrens homes and with social workers and preists) keep shagging bonny.

One way to help a longer term relationship is to do some cooking ,cleaning,personal support with some rug munching and shopping for tampons in between. you wan fkky Bonny,ye 5 dollars n i dress up like ya mamma?NO?thing is sex,just like a jumbo tube of Jaffa cakes,its gets boring really quickly and its easy to stop after you've satisfied the craving,hence ciggies and 'talking' in bed.
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nearly a normal tax paying tosser.......with ferrileness suzi100,cg125,cb125scb100n,cb175,cd100,cj250t,kh250,c15,125 bantam,super 6,rickman gs750,xt500,250rs,dt175,lifan125,dolomite1850,metro,Morris220ld,morrisfg,leyland princess,range rover,corsa,vw camper .now struggling with legs. MORE ORDER = MORE CHAOS

[Pete.]

[unitynotsocri...]

Bonny ,you are a slag,and probably poxy to boot,please give us a picture so we can warn our daughters therefore preventing the spread of emotional superficiality and ho chi min blisters.

the key to happiness in relationships is to shag the same one over and over for years,even when she has tits like a spaniels ears,a cunt (praise the holy of holies)that appears to hide under a space hopper tummy and a menopausal beard that reminds one of bedlington terriers and irish wolfhounds............a crazy little thing called love?..!!!

just do it...the grass may appear greener on the other side but better the devil you know!!!!!
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nearly a normal tax paying tosser.......with ferrileness suzi100,cg125,cb125scb100n,cb175,cd100,cj250t,kh250,c15,125 bantam,super 6,rickman gs750,xt500,250rs,dt175,lifan125,dolomite1850,metro,Morris220ld,morrisfg,leyland princess,range rover,corsa,vw camper .now struggling with legs. MORE ORDER = MORE CHAOS

[AngelGrinder]

When I find out how to stop it from happening, I'll let you know.

Until then I'll just go with, women are mental, and so are men...albeit less so.
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Currently Riding - 2002 Aprilia RSV1000 Mille

[Hetzer]

I'll sum it up in one word: Youth.
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"There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!"

[Eddie Hitler]

After a year of shit from girls (wouldn't say women, none have been over 24), I have become more than happy by myself. I have so much going on in my life anyhow I literally don't have the time or energy.

If someone comes into my life, who I genuinely get on with on EVERY level, and is actually special (not sure if such a women exists), I'll bite and start some sort of relationship. Until then, i'm happy with my right hand, and enjoying my own life.

Situations change but i've come to learn to NEVER change who you are when with a partner, and not to let them change you either. Just leads to becoming unhappy.

[Visitor Q]

[MORTON]

[MORTON]

[Hetzer]

[MORTON]

[Hetzer]

[MORTON]

bit off topic but no my mrs is pretty fine by me

Found her rwhen I was young and didnt chuck it away

[Pete.]

[groovylee]

Bonny, i was a right little shag bandit when i was 16-21, and was pretty much the same as you describe. nothing wrong with it, just the way it pans out.

anyway, i had gone out with my , now, wife a few times over those years, but never really seemed to click ( or i was too busy chasing other 'pursuits') but one year, it just all seemed to fall into place, and we've been together for 9 years. do i see examples of 'context shift' every now and again? sure, but that is the whole point of a stable relationship, take the rough with the smooth, and get to know each other on a whole different level.
don't worry about a long term relationship. it will happen, probably when you least expect it. don't push it, or you'll end up in a bad place.

my older cousin was scared that he was going to get too old, rushed into a marriage, had kids, and now has had enough of his missus (she is a bit of a psycho to say the least.....) and is in a really bad place.

TL;DR

don't worry about it, keep playing the field, you'll settle when you're ready. and from the sounds of things, you're not ready yet.


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Past - 1988 honda revere 600, 1996 kawasaki gpz500s, 1999 Yamaha R6

Current - 2002 Aprilia RSV1000R & 1999 Kawasaki ZX6R

[WildGoose]

I don't think coming up with an intellectual sounding name for it is going the change the basic problem. You are not blazing a pioneering trail here, young men have surely battled this very thing through the ages.

It sounds, if I may surmise, that you want it all done for you, with little or no effort on your part. You sit high on your throne, and it's "entertain me, or gtfo". It requires effort, sacrifice (horrible word, but true), compromise etc.

It also seems obvious, that it's a bad plan to embark upon a relationship expecting anyone to right the wrongs in your life. The "you complete me" bullshit. You should be happy and content in your own life, before you can allow anyone else in and expect it to work. If you are having a shit time, then of course anyone who can take you away from that, even briefly, is going to seem like god's second coming.

You are expecting too much. You want the besotted, can-do-no-wrong, hands all over each other stuff to last forever and the fact is, it doesn't. End of story.

I would be distrustful of couples who say they never disagree or argue, because they aren't living. They are either exhausted of it from previous fucked up relationships or very scared of losing something.

This thing called love, goes in stages, and however grand your dreams of transcending it, through experience, knowledge and wisdom or finding some higher meaning, you won't. You are the same breed of space monkey as everyone else.

So when you start really learning about someone, you realise they are imperfect (just like yourself) and you think "well fuck this, that hot intelligent blonde girl over there might be perfect, so why am I bothering struggling over here". Of course, when you meet the hot intelligent blonde, and get to know her over six months, you unearth a different load of imperfections, and the cycle repeats.

You might find one set of imperfections you can live with, you might not. You might throw it away before realising. You might decide that you can live with it, and equally they might do something unpredictable and stupid and fuck it all up, outside of your control. You can decide to dig in or retreat, depending on your own boundaries. There is no cast iron guarantee of anything.

[Visitor Q]

Goosey goosey.... long post

Agree with it, even if the tone was bordering on condescending The 'intellectual sounding name' is just for easy of narrowing the problem down. Ie, a change in a context. Context shift could be just as easily couples going from uni to 'the real world', emigrating, or coming in to money...

Believe me, I have no interest in Asian women for girlfriends. Zero. They're essentially masturbatory aids, and expensive ones at that.

However, when I say I'm actively looking, I mean I'm not just looking for sex anymore. And I am looking for the strong ones. I am perfectly content as an island on my own, I just want another 'island' for cuddles and someone to watch films with.

Blurgh, need a bigger sample size than I get here.

But all that aside, it still surprises me how quickly feelings can just disappear. I just wanted to check;

a) I'm not the only one that it happens to.
b) Does that stop happening when you get older, or not.
____________________
China traffic/travel bike vid - When I make a sweeping statement, please add the word 'statistically' in to the sentence before you bitch...
From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[MORTON]

[MORTON]

twoposts

[Visitor Q]

[MORTON]

[Visitor Q]

[WildGoose]

[WildGoose]