me julie is a bit dim at times

[Timmeh]

So she's on the way from Uni back to sunny Norfolk.

She phones me up in tears

"I'm stuck on the M25 and the oil light has come on, is it bad"

"Yes darling, you need to pull over straight away before your engine blows up"

"There's no hard shoulder, shall I just carry on to the M11 and stop at the services"

"No, you need to stop at the first safe point you find, either the hard shoulder or the first exit of the motorway"

"I don't want to, can I just come home please [sound of blubbering]"

"If you don't stop you might blow up your engine"

"But I don't want to"

ETC ETC, for about 10 minutes

Finally manage to convince her to stop at Potters Bar and she checks the dip stick.

BONE DRY

Then she phones me up and ask me what oil to buy and WHERE IT GOES IN THE ENGINE.



She really does give you ladyfolk a bad name...
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GSXR400 x2 | '94 RVF400 | '93 TZR125 4DL (again)
20:22:30 BLUEX5: i would love to be forced to undergo a**l plugging with different sizes
20:48:18 Temeluchus: comp you hunk of smouldering homos3x you

[dodgydog]

Not just the ladyfolk.
My godson called in to see us yesterday, very nice to see him it was. But when we went out to see him off, he started the car - as I looked in - the oil light was still on.
Er mate, why's the oil light on?
"It does that sometimes just lately, it'll be ok wont it?"

NO.

Luckily it wasn't bone dry though, it took just over a litre to get the level up.
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not exactly what I meant

[yen_powell]

Many many years ago my dad was driving his car and following my mum in her car. Her oil light came on so she drove very fast to get home with him trying to keep up not knowing what the hell was going on. Engine was bollocksed, she made it back though.

Stupid? Maybe, but she got a new car!
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Blackmail is a nasty word........but not as nasty as phlegm!
XT1200Z and a DR350 in bits

[hellkat]

Ohhhhh, maybe her seven ten cap is missing








https://kalecoauto.com/images/710cap.jpg



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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Teflon-Mike]

I got panic phone call from the now ex once....
"The car its just.... EXPLODED!... there's OIL every-where! Its running down the street!"
I got her to calm down, and tell me she had only got as far as the corner of the street, when it "Exploded" and she was sat at hoime, having let teh car roll back down the hill to the house.... so it could wait until I got home....
I pulled up and sure enough, looked like the sinking of the Exon Valdise outside the house! Oil EVERYWHERE... green-peace wallas washing sparra's that kind of 'every-where'.
ME: "So, tell me again, WHAT DID YOU DO?"
EX: "Well, I started the car, and I backed off the drive, and I drove to the end of the street..." Images of her usual, driving style; neighbours careering into parked cars to avoid her as she backs off the drive, thoughts of over-reved engine, thrashed past the red line within the 30yards to the junction, throwing a rod through the block... finally..." and I had to STOP at the roundabout!" Oh! heaven help us, she actually 'gave way' to some-one!?! "And it just CONKED OUT!"
ME: "Conked out? - you said it 'exploded'"
EX: "That was after!"
ME: "So? What did you do?"
EX: "Well, some lights had come on on the dashboard"
Uh-oh!
ME: "Yes, they do that, so?"
EX: "Well, ONE of them was the oil lamp!"
ME: "RIGHT!" I can see where this is going now....."So WHAT did you do?"
EX: "I rolled back down the hill to get some oil"
ME: "OK, so, err, WHY 'oil'?"
EX: "I TOLD YOU! the oil lamp came on!"
ME: "Yeah! Err... well it does that when the engine's not running. The battery light comes on too, did you check the battery?"
EX: "No! Why would I need to. OBVIOUS the battery was fine! Radio was still working!"
ME: mega face-palm! "Yeah. OK, those TWO lights come on every time you put the key in the ignition, before you start the engine. But carry on, WHAT did you do next?"
EX: "Well I CHECKED THE OIL!"
ME: Morbid curiocity. I want to hear what she's going to say, but I REALLY dont want to hear the answer! "So, how much was showing on the Dip-Stick?"
EX: "Dip-Stick?"
ME: Like the looming loco in a desaster movie, we just KNEW it was coming, didn't we, but we just COULDN'T look away! "Dip-Stick, long rod thing, pull it out the engine, has a couple of notches on it tell you how much oil is in the engine?"
EX: indulgent look on her face"No Idea what you are on about. I found the cap that says 'oil' on it and I had a look, and there was no oil in there!"
ME: "OK... So you put some more in... how much?!"
EX: Smug, expression now"Well, I KNOW you keep a can of oil in the boot, so I got that out, but there was HARDLY anything in there!"
ME: "It's a five litre can, had about a litre, litre and a half out, Ok...."
EX:"Well, I put that 'little' bit in, and I STILL couldn't see any oil....."
ME: "No, you wouldn't, carry on... what did you do next?"
EX:"Well I know you keep some oil in the Land-Rover..... So I went and got that!"
ME: "RIGHT! And, you put ALL that in, yeah!"
EX: "Well there was only a few dregs IN there"
ME: "About three litres, but, OK... so you put the oil in, and, what, started the engine?"
EX: "NO! I'm not STUPID you know! I checked the light on the dash!"
ME: "It was still on, wasn't it?"
EX: "YES, it was! So I thought it must need more oil! So I went and got the OTHER can out of the shed!"
ME: "The Full one?"
EX: "YES, I KNEW you had to have one SOME-WHERE!"
ME: "Right! And you put it ALL in!"
EX: "YES, and I STILL couldn't see any oil! But I couldn't find any more!" [i]3 gallons. three GALLONS! THREE FUCKING GALLONS! Small mercies, SMALL mercies, at LEAST she couldn't find any more!..."So I HOPED it would do so I could nip to the shops, but when I started the engine! Well, it just EXPLODED!"
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My Webby'Tef's-tQ, loads of stuff about my bikes, my Land-Rovers, and the stuff I do with them!
Current Bikes:'Honda VF1000F' ;'CB750F2N' ;'CB125TD ( 6 3 of em!)'; 'Montesa Cota 248'. Learner FAQ's:= 'U want to Ride a Motorbike! Where Do U start?'

[Turnwise]

Ha! My mrs did something similar - the radiator was leaking and the warning light came on that the engine was overheating - but as she was 'only' a few miles from home she kept going...

Thankfully all she did was cook the water pump, although it was a hefty bill to get that replaced after already paying for a new radiator

[Turnwise]

[pepperami]

[Teflon-Mike]

[Rogerborg]

Can I suggest an alternative strategy?

Her: The oil light is on, what should...
You: Stop as soon as it's safe to do so, then call me back. <click>

'K?
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Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[Tenko]

Its not just the ladies. I once bought a car with no oil pressure light working. The bloke I bought it off assured me that the light hadn't been working for years...

It only cost me £200 with 12 months ticket so I was happy to take the risk. Silly me - the engine siezed on the A1 somewhere near Durham Services 1st time out on a run and it cost me more to take it away,scrap it and get home again than I paid for the heap of shite in the 1st place.

[Frost]

A mates first day at a new job for a building firm he was told to check the water on the van. He looked and couldn't see any so he got a watering can to fill it up. The contents of a can later he went back for more. After a few cans full the water level was up to the top... of the rocker box cover...

Many years ago someone my dad worked with latched the diesel fuel pump on and went into the garage to buy some stuff thinking it would click off when full. There was a small river of fuel flowing across the forecort by the time he got back

[andyscooter]

tef had to rate funny as there isnt a fucking brilliant rating
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gilera runner vxr200 (chavped)
if its spelt wrong its my fat fingers and daft auto correct on my tablet

[steveh]

A friend of my old boss went to fill her motor home up, filled it full of fuel
Got back in, fuel guage was still on empty...?


Shed filled the water tank for the shower/taps ect...


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Current : 06 Zx10r, 07 Wr450f SM, 74 850 norton commando, 63 bsa b40, 1962 Triton 650, 67 Triumph Tr6r, 1955 Triton 750, 1978 TY250E.

[Colin Edwards]

Friend of mine told his with not to drive their car as the cam belt was screwed. .
He got a phone call later to say the car had stopped and wouldn't start

Having explained the engine would be destroyed if she used it he was a little cross to say the least

To top it off it was an automatic and it had to be dragged out of the middle of the road causing more damage

Engine was destroyed and all she could say was "I know you said not to drive it but I was only going round the corner"

CE

[Turnwise]

[mad4it028]

my mrs went round a round about 3 times because there was a car to the side of her that wouldnt let her off the roundabout she was very scared why this car was blocking her until she finaly realised her mirror was misadjusted and she was seeing the back of her own car...lol
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always looking to buy bikes crashed ,unfinished projects,none runners pm me
currently riding kawasaki z1000 only bike ive ever loved

[Colin Edwards]

[Martay]

I worry about the number of people that stop in the garage where i work, asking ME what oil THEIR car takes.
Best comment i had from a woman who had bought a bottle of oil because the light came on, then RETURNED it because she had called her husband and he told her not to buy the 'overpriced' Mobil oil. I saw her some 2 hours later. Sure enough she had walked back as the car had stopped. According to the AA man that came back, the drain bolt had come adrift and it pissed all its oil up the road. I know her tipping a 1L bottle in would have made fuck all difference but she might have seen the puddle forming undernieth, surely?!

Another good one. Someone hit the rear of my dads old renault scenic (Panzer i think is their nickname) and proceded to drive home having left the contents of her radiator, both headlights and bumper on the roundabout. I dont know how far she got? Twas a 57 plate astra diesel.
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Eat well, poo hard
Drives: Cavalier 2.0 16v
Rides: Slightly ratted Honda City Express

[Visitor Q]

[pepperami]

A long time ago but I Swear this is true! as I was there.

My mates girlfriend pointed out to him that the tyre on the front of her car seemed a bit low/soft.
Oh! He says "that needs a bit of air"
To which she replies "Well I`m off to Asda, I`ll get some while I`m there, They do sell it at our Asda dont they?"

She was under the impression that you could buy a tub of air in the same way you could buy oil or grease or screen-wash

Bless! when I stopped laughing, she punched the living daylights out of me
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I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[Sload]

[Skudd]

My ex wouldn't shop at Aldi because she thought everthing was written in German and she wouldn't know what was in the tin.
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Famous last words of Humpty Dumpty. " Stop pushing me "
Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm".