How to deal with gfs depression? And how i can help?

[nant]

Its been a shit enough year as it has. My dad died november last year, gfs dad got cancer of the spine early on in january.
Work is shit. Hearing loss in both ears getting worse. All part of lifes rich tapestry. Keep telling myself there are always people worse off!

And now my girlfriend had a mental break down about 4 weeks ago mainly from stress at work aslong as everything else that has happened . Shes been at a mental health unit in town. The ward was dire. Shes now back at home and goes to the clinic during the day. But she has up days and down days.

its difficult to know how to support her and what to say. Does anyone have experience of a loved one going through depression and the time scale and what support ? thanks

[nowhere.elysium]

There's nothing you can say to make a depressive feel better. Be there for them, soak up as much of whatever they throw at you as you can, and give it time.
I've been on both sides of the fence, with this one, and time, patience, and showing that you give a damn is about the best you can do.
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[GrumpyGuts]

I've been there - quite badly. I've even attempted "removing myself" after 2 years of the blues. I also thought there were many people worse of than me, however the human brain is a right bitch.

As said, talk to her, and importantly, listen. This linky is chocked full of depression advice and how to help those with depression.

Don't worry, there's always a light at the end
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[J.M.]

[Hetzer]

Stand by her, even if you didn't love her before she became depressed (I'm assuming she feels properly close to you). If you bail you'll not only finish her off, you'll wreck an important part of yourself in the long run. Conversely by standing by her you'll do yourself, and her obviously, a lot of good.

Peaks and troughs, and there's always a rainbow over the horizon.
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[tbourner]

Wife had a breakdown whilst walking the dogs about 18 months ago. She's almost back to normal now, the first few months she wouldn't even go out in the front garden! She had 6 months off work then forced herself to go back, because she knew we were struggling with money and only got 6 months paid sick (even though I said she could stay off work if she needed to).
She was on 20mg, then 30mg then 40mg Citalopram, basically after 12 months she just stopped taking them, didn't tell me, she said she had had enough of being depressed and didn't want to feel like it any more. I was having panic attacks in certain places as well like meetings at work and in shop queues - I was on the same path just forcing myself into the situations and telling myself I WOULD NOT pass out or be sick etc., so wife decided the same thing. She was much worse off than me and still fought her way through.

As above there is nothing you can do apart from take the abuse and negativity, it WILL effect you after a long period, so your strength is just as important as hers, the longer you can stick it out and just be supportive the better chance she has. You cannot blame her for being negative (or whatever it is she does - everyone's different).
I actually asked my wife if she wanted me to mollycoddle her or just act normal, she said to act normal and she'd tell me if she wasn't comfortable with something, so for example I'd say "Come on we're going shopping", if we got to Tesco and the car park was heaving, a few times she said "I can't" and you can tell when they're in a bad way, so I turned around and went home, simple.

Depression and any other anxiety issues are nasty things, people don't quite get it unless they've been there, plenty of people used to try to get wife out for the evening and told her jokes etc. thinking she was just in a mood or having a bad day, it's more like a permanent illness than a temporary moodswing!
You could try nomorepanic.com, plenty of like minded and long term sufferers of all kinds of issues on there, it helped me to know I wasn't alone.
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[P.addy]

nowhere.elysium post +1000.

Its a bad place to be in, but you need to support and accept the barrage of shit. You'll both come out the other side in time, its all about patience

[Rogerborg]

COUNTER POINT FOR PERSPECTIVE.

https://cdn0.hark.com/images/000/002/800/2800/original.jpg

You're not on a rehearsal, and you won't get that time back later.

Unless there's kids or other ties, then Get. The. Fudge. Out. You are not your girlfriend's keeper, don't get dragged down with her.
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[GhostRider]

[tbourner]

[GrumpyGuts]

My girlfriend (well, ex) last year told me that if I felt suicidal or really depressed (which I was....) then she would dump me. Basically saying she didn't want the bother.

Now, that felt like a right smack in the face? If she was in the position as I was in then I'd be very interested to help - because I care! Not bailing out!
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[nant]

Ah thanks for your help guys.

I have no intention of bailing out on her , I love her too much for that. She found the time to learn sign language and help me out with my deafness. Even though ive been deaf since birth, noone has made quite the effort that she did!

So i shall heed your advice and support her where i can and be patient (one of my better characterstics)

Thanks for the web link, that was most helpful too. Just reading through it. Good link that.

thanks for the reassurances. cheers

[Alpha-9]

[Rogerborg]

[GhostRider]

Well yeah if they've been dating for like 3 weeks then yeah I agree, but I'm assuming the OP wouldn't make a post in Dear Auntie about a bird he's had a quick knee trembler up an alley with a few times....

GhostRider
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[arry]

My wife has been living with depression for some years now. Up and down times, but lately there's been more down than up. Eventually it led to her not being able to cope with the stress of her job, so the job has had to make way for the sake of her health.

As someone has already said, you can't make a depressed person better by asking them to cheer up. It doesn't work like that. Even when there's nothing to be upset about, it doesn't stop them feeling sad. It's horrible not being able to do anything to help in your own right - but what you can do to help is encourage them to seek proper medical attention for it.

The wife has been on anti-depressants for about 4 months now and they are helping her. She started on Cipramil (ssri) but the side effects were pretty awful TBH, shaking during the night, sweats, sleeplessness etc. Swapped to Fluoxetine (essentially Prozac I think) and she's been doing much better with it.

She's also combined this with counselling, and then is looking for cognitive behavioural therapy which the doctor is arranging. It is possible to get referred for cog but it does take a while before the doctor will do so, you have to give the pills a chance.

So, all in all, I'd stay stay strong, stay with her, and make sure she gets help for it all.

Good luck

[RPM]

Hi

Nothing much to add really. I have experience of both perspectives.
From what you have said, her depressive state is reactionary...which I guess suggests that as the causal factors eventually start to dissipate, the mood can stabilise prior to improving.

I would reccomend anti depressants (if required or benefits can be seen) at least a chemical balance (seratonin, dopamine etc) can be maintained....well some of the time anyway.

Please try to make sure that you do what you can to maintain your own resilience (easier said than done).

This is an important part of the process of preserving some sense of normality, akin to the positive elements of operant conditioning, this does assume that your partner wants things to improve and can see that the present is not 'all there is'.

It's a process rather than an event, please try not to expect too much in the early phase, this will only serve to undermine your ability to encourage any real progress.

I hope that things go well for you.

All the best
Mike

[killa]

I don’t know the extent of the deafness and if you have a hearing device at all.
Apparently it still holds its weight today but the statement ‘Laughter is the best medicine’ has been proven to work for a plethora of life’s troubles and it’s good for your health.
Get yourselves down to some local (or bigger) comedy nights and laugh together at the bad acts, laugh even harder at the good ones. If you like that sort of thing that is, it’s something you can both talk about and share afterwards.
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[Boxing]

[Qwiktune]

I know how you all feel, my wife has really bad depression, going on nearlly 3 years.

started after she had our first son. She will scream, shout, cry, get violent, refuse to get out of bed. The most basic of things will put her into like a red haze.

Puts the most stress on a relationship ever. I have come so close to just walking, but never had. Peaks and troughs like someone else said. Goes from threatening to kill herself, to leaving me, to being the most caring and lovely wife in the world. Its all abit jekyl and hyde.

She's been on Prozac for nearlly 3 years now, without it she cant function. She tried coming off, but it sent her loopy, i could feel myself getting angry with her all the time, but knew she couldnt help it.

Eventually the doctors doubled her medication so she now takes a few pills a day. Still has her moments.
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[Alpha-9]

Have you tried getting help for her though? Seemingly not if it's gone on for 3 years...

There are services like the Open Mind Service - IAPTS that the NHS runs, which can offer counselling for depression and the like
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Fzr-600 1999

[nant]

Bit of an update. Shes a lot better, she got diagnosed with psychotic depression. She was in an adtu clinic for about a month and she is now back at home . Taking numerous drugs, seratonin i think is one of them but she is alot calmer now. She is also starting a phased return to work in about a month with low hours.
Things are on the up. I've been to a couple of support days to help look for triggers etc.

It all got a bit stressful for me. I lost my job but then i have just got myself another job which I love. So life is on the up, apart from tearing my meniscus in knee!
thanks to all those gave me some advice

[kawakid]

Glad things are getting better for you.
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[nowhere.elysium]

Good to hear it, mate. Kudos for supporting her throughout, too.
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'10 SV650SF, '83 GS650GT (it lives!), Questionable DIY dash project, 3D Printer project, Lasercutter project