is there anything else i can do?

[cornish]

This has been a problem for some time now and i can't really see anything i can do about it so if anyone has ideas they'd be most helpful.

I cut contact with a family member some years ago. Not without very good reason and not without being certain there was no other course of action. There is a pre-amble of explanation here that would break the internet if i posted it all so suffice it to say i had no other choice and it was not without out severe and extremely prolonged provocation.

She then turned up a Tiny Cornish's school (twice) and caused a scene screaming and yelling stuff about me and i assume trying to get him booted out of the best school in the area that i fought tooth and nail to get him into. Thankfully we weren't there at the time, but she is quite able to create a massive scene on her own. She stopped when the school gave her a warning explaining the next time she was seen there the police would be called without further notice. But the excruciatingly embarrassing damage has been done. The things she says are so awful they carry a sort of weight because it's hard to believe (unless you know her) that anyone would make things like that up.

In a snot because i stopped her fun by cutting her off, she then followed us home from shopping one day and flipped out when i refused to speak to her having a screaming eppy on the doorstep in front of Tiny Cornish, who was terrified. When that didn't work she drove off to the cop-shop and accused me of attacking her. Fortunately the police told her that she shouldn't have been there, was on my property behaving abusively so i was entitled to remove her and having spoken to me and examined my fingernails etc were happy she had been booted out with force that was justified and nothing more.

This didn't stop her telling anyone who would listen i'd attacked her and the only reason i was not arrested was because she refused to press charges etc. Hence gaining the 'she's (me) a psycho how on earth do you put up with it, you poor thing' sympathy.

She plays the part well and plenty of people no longer speak to me, which, although annoying when i get filthy looks round the town is not worth bothering about as nothing i can say will undo what she's done and i feel no compulsion to justify myself to a shower of cunts who aren't worth my time.

There have been plenty of nasty calls, emails etc but after being warned by the police, binning my email and changing my number this no longer happens.

The situation as it is now is that whenever i pass her in the town i get evil looks, nasty comments etc (again, in front of Tiny Cornish) and recently when cycling past she crossed the road to spit on me ((luckily he was in school). Annoying but in the scheme of things i can't do anything about it, i'm free of the crap attached to having any involvement with her and long term she's has to die eventually so it's a finite situation

However, she does send birthday and christmas cards to myself and Tiny Cornish. This seems harmless, but she's nasty and sneaky and instead of writing a tirade of abuse that would drop her in it with the police she'll put something that seems odd but not unpleasant to the untrained eye, but is obviously extremely hurtful and unpleasant to me.

Today there was one in my post box. It's really unpleasant and it boils my piss i have to put up with accepting her shit. It pisses me off even more that she put a stamp on it, but has clearly hand-delivered it. Seems harmless, but it's that arrogant 'you can tell me not to come here but i still will' shit. As always, it really upset me for about 10 minutes then i'll spend a few days fucking livid. I hate giving time out of my life to someone who is no longer a part of it and isn't worth my time and stress.

They are spaced throughout the year so there aren't any 3 within 6 months to qualify as harassment, and despite it going on for years now i think the police would be reluctant to attempt it.

I have looked into a private case and could take the same evidence to a civil court and get the fees etc waived due to my income. But, it'd most likely suffer from the same timespan issues as a criminal case. Also non-molestation orders are effectively toilet paper without a Power Of Arrest attached. . . .and if it's a non-criminal case it's much harder to get these.

We are in the process of trying to move, but there are a few people that know both of us who i am sure will give her our new address so it won't solve the problem. I can't avoid them knowing where we are either.

She doesn't drink or take drugs, there is nothing psychologically wrong with her. She is just a nasty cunt.

So any ideas? Anyone suffered similar problems?
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smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[P.addy]

BCF sees the word "her" but has no pics?

Perhaps this will tempt people in

Do you have her address? I have a spare few jiffy bags and am having a curry.

She gives you shit, give her shit back... just go up 1 step, she who shouts loudest wins

[Rogerborg]

[cornish]

I'm glad i posted this, i have never retaliated in any way. . . . .but playing silly buggers with it would at least make it into a giggle.

Paddy i'm gutted i have no pics, having someone whizz up a meme of some kind would be good for lolz

Roger, i do wonder sometimes. She does seem flipped at times, but others is so cold she seems completely with it. But overall, she probably is mashed in the head now i think about it.
____________________
smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[karoshi]

Hate to chime in with a 'what you should've done' but i'm pretty sure that spitting on someone classes as Common Assault, the police probably wouldn't have done crap about it but you could've demanded it be recorded with a crime number at the time.. which might help with proving a history of events should it come to it.

You mention that the police were involved due to the abusive calls and emails, I would talk to the school and ask whoever gave her the warning to go with you to the local police station and put on record their involvement with her, how on multiple occasions she has created a disturbance in front of children bad enough for the school to warn her off and ask her to leave.

Do you have a phone with a video camera on it? or a camcorder handy? every time she turns up and kicks off I'd be trying to get it on camera and phoning the local police requesting their prescence.. get as much as you can recorded.

With the people that know you both, if they can't be trusted to keep your new address from her (assuming they know the full story) they're her friends not yours, cut them off too.
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Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. - Elwood P. Dowd

[Sload]

Is it time for a bit of the god father?

https://gadgets.boingboing.net/filesroot/horsehead-6.jpg

Saying that, without knowing you personally I wouldn't know what to suggest. Are you adverse to a physical resolution? Do you fancy playing her at her own game, or are you strictly trying to keep it by the book?
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Honda Varadero >> Triumph Speed Four >> Honda CBR1100xx

[cornish]

Thanks Karoshi, good advice. I hadn't considered asking the school. I never discuss it with them as it just makes me want to curl up and die of shame. But even a letter from them with times and dates etc would be good. The first time a teacher warned her and - gobsmackingly - she came back the next day (!!!) so the teacher and the head went out to officially warn her. She put on a good show so i doubt they'd be adverse to helping ensure she never goes back.

It'd be worth be discussing me it with them as if they contact the police cos they think she's still a problem they're less likely to be palmed off with the harassment blurb than than me

I really did worry about his place there as i hadn't told her or anyone that knows her from adam what school he goes to. God knows how she found out. I had to tell the school this to make it clear i had done nothing to encourage her there etc. I think the thought she'd gone some way to finding out where he went to school made them realise she's a proper oddbod

You're right about the address too. There's only one that's unavoidable. . . .but that only leaves one source if we do move and still get the same crap.

I have got a video phone luckily and do keep it on me
____________________
smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[cornish]

[P.addy]

[Clanger]

I'd be tempted to have a court order placed on her, to stay away from you and your son...and then have a party. Invite all the people you like in your area, and make sure you have a couple of heavies on the door (who know what she looks like, just in case).

And be super friendly and never diss her at all to all you speak to.

If you see her, turn round and go the other way. It will piss her off that you are ignoring her, and if she turns up on your property, ring the police and tell them the person who you have a court order against is harrassing you.

Failing that, I'd be tempted to have some 'friends' come down and lean on her... and scare the living shit out of her...
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[yambabe]

Don't accept her shit.

She sends cards and notes? If you recognise her writing, don't open them. Petty would be to return them to her unopened but from the sound of it might encourage her to escalate her pettiness so just drop them in the bin.

Unless of course you want to report her and get a proper restraining oeder in place? In which case keep them, she only has to send 2 to be reportable for harrassment, speak to these people.....

https://www.stalkinghelpline.org/
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Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.

[P.addy]

[Suntan Sid]

How far are you prepared to go, within the law?

If you honestly think this person is a danger to you, your child or herself, you may well be able to have her sectioned.

[Babba]

Scary, no one should have to live like this.

I feel that you owe a duty as the parent of Tiny Cornish to sort it.

You say that it would "break the internet" if you posted it, but could you give us a brief insight into why this person hates you so much?

<edit>
P.S. I would like to add that I am the product of a dysfunctional family with a particularly evil older sister.

[multijoy]

[hellkat]

I fuckin hate family shit like that.

I appreciate that its kind of difficult to tell us who exactly this female relative is, but I do know quite well just how difficult it is to extricate oneself from dysfunctional, infuriating or just plain irritating female relatives, especially very close ones.

I look at the various levels of crazy and dysfunctional that most of my female relatives are, and although I miss NZ terribly, I'm kind of glad that I'm 12000 miles away from the place, as it is too small for me to avoid any of them for very long

Fuck knows how my youngest sister and I turned out so "normal" ... and even then I sometimes struggle to keep myself on the right side of the sanity tracks

Personally, I'd move.
No doubt yourself and many others will say "You shouldn't have to move" ... and especially because of the settling of Tiny Cornish into schools and such like.

But time and experience has proved to me that the quality of motherly care for the child is more important. Nothing can take away from that child the vision of someone attacking his mother or harrassing shrieking harpies on his doorstep. I wish there were things I could wipe from my daughter's small-childhood, but its impossible, once its done, its done. Easier to remove oneself and one's child from the source of infuriation, to somewhere you can live a less stressful although sometimes necessarily (for a while) impecunious life.

Plus it pisses the rello's off when you move away and even if they hear from you from time to time, they have no idea or concept or where you are or what you are really doing, and eventually ... they find other things and people to annoy, and only pour vitriol upon your head at family functions which invariably you don't attend, so what you don't hear, doesn't burn you.

Pissing irritating family members off from afar scores very highly in my Quality of Life tally.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[hellkat]

[Sload]

Thinking about it, from your description she may have issues anyway. Have a read through this and see if anything rings true.

https://www.rethink.org/about_mental_illness/mental_illnesses_and_disorders/personality_disorders/types_of_personality.html
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Honda Varadero >> Triumph Speed Four >> Honda CBR1100xx

[Clanger]

[cornish]

This is all fantastic advice, thank you! I really appreciate the time and effort that's gone into the replies.

I've been thinking about it a lot this weekend and reading the info above has been really helpful. Yambabe the site is brilliant, thank you. I've had a good read and there's loads of really useful info. Multijoy, the quote is ideal. The police have always palmed me off with the 3 in 6months thing, having that gives me a comeback to them.

Sload, that was a worthwhile read, thank you.

Babba, it is a particuarly evil family member. I'm sorry you've got the same problems. it sucks There have never been any triggers for it, she's just always been like it. You're on the button tho, she really does loathe me. Every contact in person when i just step away and avoid any actual speaking or interaction she has a look on her face that is borderline frothing at the mouth I think previously she's been in a position of complete control and ever since i've been legally free of it she's got a chip on her shoulder about it. It's been a lot of years but she's never mellowed . But the plus side is as an adult you're not stuck in the same household and you get to walk away from it

Sid, i had never even considered this. It's good to have other people's take on this. It's always been just a pain in the arse in my mind, but i've never looked at it like this as i've always been 'in it'. What i've put up in the OP is only what's happened since i've cut contact, but she's behaved worse previously. It's good to have an outside opinion. I'm really glad you posted the thing about sectioning. In a public place it's something i can have available to say if i don't have an escape route. Thank you

HK and Clanger, thank you very much. It feels better knowing i'm not the only one! Sorry you've both had similar problems
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smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[hellbound]

I think this is my ex wife...........................
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May you always see the road rising up to meet you and your enemies defeated in the mirror behind.

[chris-red]

You must have the patience of a saint, if someone had done that to me I would have been inside by now
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Well, you know what they say. If you want to save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs.
Skudd:- Perhaps she just thinks you are a window licker and is being nice just in case she becomes another Jill Dando.
WANTED:- Fujinon (Fuji) M42 (Screw on) lenses, let me know if you have anything.

[cornish]

[bazza]

[cornish]