panic attacks and assertiveness

[cornish]

After reading beatnck2's very helpful thread which can be found here and all the useful contributions it brought to light from everyone else i thought i'd share a new 'thing' i'm trying.

We're all different so everyone has different ways of dealing with things (that's the 'we're all individual little sparkles' bit that comes from lots of support-group-talk ). Personally my anxiety is pretty raging at present and i feel like i've taken a million steps backwards. I've so far avoided any full-on panic attacks, but the key word there is 'avoided'.

I've had CBT before but i personally really struggle with it. I'm inclined to say i'm one of the people it doesn't work for, but i also accept that that's probably the avoidance talking.

I tend to bimble along with life and not really have the panic issue in many areas. It tends to live in the official stuff bit. Post, phone and anything related to paperwork, documents, disputes about anything etc. Given i currently have a number of disputes about various things on at the moment and i am up to my eyes in contacts it's bound to have an effect.

I thought i was aware of the extent of it until i was at someone's house recently and took a letter sticking out of their letterbox to hand to them.

Seeing it was bad and i made myself pick it up just to say 'No! Fook off!' to the sicky panic thing i felt starting. Once it was in my hand it was too late and when they didn't relieve me of it instantly my resolve failed and finding nowhere to put it down and be free of it i ended up stuffing it back in the letterbox rather than vomit in their hallway

Plainly i looked (and felt) completely batsh1t mental so after calming the fook down i felt it would be wise to try something, anything different to get a better grip on things.

I was offered a place on an assertiveness training course through Women's Aid a while back and was still not sure about it (i don't really have any problem being gobby and demanding) but i grabbed it as an 'anything' after the letter thing.

It's a long course and i've so far only been to two sessions. But it's entirely different in it's approach than all the umpteen workplace training things i've been on over the years as part of staff 'development' courses in various companies. The basic precept seems to be finding 'assertive' ways of dealing with things that make you feel less than assertive.

Given the source it's aimed at helping you manage situations where someone has crossed from assertive to abusive and you have responded by crossing from assertive to passive. But it does it without all the management speak. So it's hardly aimed directly at dealing with anxiety and panic attacks but i've actually found it so far to be quite helpful. It seems to be a kind of written down version of the voice of reason that deserts you in a panic and leaves you alone with the 'i can't' voice and all the stuff that it spirals into.

Having the tools and being able to use the tools (oooo more support-speak) are two different things tho so jury's still out on how it'll go

I just thought i'd share it as another angle to come at something.
____________________
smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[Kradmelder]

Damn. we cant tell you to man the fark up

Personally I dont get panic attacks, but when I have been in rough spots I tell myself be a man. You ancestors faced worse from the savages, your oupa faced far worse in russia (in ww2) etc. I tell myself anything I face is like nothing next what they faced up to and survived.

Funny enough, if you talk to men, you will find different coping mechanisms to carry on and the result is what people call courage or fortitude. In reality it is not. It is some internal mechanism to either shame themselves into doing what must be done and facing what must be faced, or a submission to a desire to do anything to just get it over with. It comes from having a moral compass.

So OK yes, you know what is right, so grow a set of balls and man up
____________________
2011 KTM 990 Dakar
2009 BMW 1200 GS

[cornish]

Lol! Agreed. I fail at balls and manliness

It is a source of great annoyance to me that in the situations involved this completely rules me, especially in light of situations like you have said where real and actual danger is involved and not a perceived and truthfuly self-fabricated one exists. To my knowledge no one has ever been mortally wounded by a letter and it annoys me how barmy and ball-less that makes me. I also appreciate how insulting it probably sounds to someone who's been in the real stuff.

But it exists unfortunately and will for as long as i let it. So i have to do sandals and hugging to deal with it. . . . . . .although what i really want is to live in a mud-hut only accessible by quadbike with no post or phone and a gun-turret out front so if the postie ever arrives i can pick him off like a sniper
____________________
smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[Kradmelder]

[Ste]

[daemonoid]

[cornish]

[Kradmelder]

[Rogerborg]

NICE has a hard on for CBT at the moment, and any prat can buy themselves a certificate and set up as a head shrinker. You were probably smarterer than the psychlo, is all.

The real trick is doubtless to stop over-thinking things or giving a fuck. Ignorance is truly bliss. Maybe go bottle-blonde, get some huge sunglasses, and yak into a mobile every waking moment?
____________________
Biking is 1/20th as dangerous as horse riding.
GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike

[tbourner]

Did you read (some of) the 'nothing works' thing on the other thread? Any help?
I was offered CBT when I was having anxiety, but I had a big issue with talking on the phone, especially when other people were in the room - so when they sent me a letter saying we'd have a phone interview first then decide if I needed to go further I threw it in the bin!
I seemed to 'get better' with self discipline techniques similar to that in the article, I looked up the reasons for it happening like adrenaline rushes and your body emptying itself before battle (I still need about 4 craps before going out somewhere important though), and knowing those reasons seemed to help.

We've got assertiveness courses at work, but they're more for learning to deal with managing difficult employees and whatnot. I think I might look into it to add to next years objectives now you've said about it.


//edit: I'm also thinking I'd like to go back to Kung Fu or maybe join my brothers MMA class, as martial arts really boosted my confidence in all kinds of ways before - trouble is I'm really unfit and feel old, so not confident enough to start
____________________
Trev, now a biker?
Looking for first big bike.

[Kradmelder]

[Flatbadger]

As above, you're overthinking things. I know exactly what this feels like after a few too many mushrooms once (or twice) - they get you into a right state of paranoia if you're not careful.

Maybe an analogy would be riding - if you see a potential situation ahead, slow down and take stock! Your brain controls the throttle and you control your brain - beat it into shape if it gets carried away. Tell it who's boss.

Neuro Linguistic Programming may be something to look into, there are practitioners out there who can help with the control aspect.

Just don't take any quacky psycho meds, that's a cowboy cure.
____________________
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
You're in ISIS

[J0Al1]

It is funny..

I was thinking the other day... if we have 'BCF couples by avatar' the these two would be top of my list....

Seems they have something in common too

[Kradmelder]

[cornish]

OMG! I snorted giggling (sorry beatnck2!)

Miss Ed that's so random but now you've held it up it does look like the avatar people should be a pixilated couple somewhere! I think it's the hats

My avatar lady looks like she's just going 'ooooooooo, handsome windswept cowboy man. Good gracious!'. No wonder her bonnet's all on the p1ss.

Krad, you're not helping to stem the giggling (sorry again beatnck2!)

I apologise to other people in this thread i came back for a look and the picture made me do 'almost wee wee laughing'. I shall do sensible replies now


EDIT: I vote that avatar couples should have their very own thread. It's too cool an idea not to
____________________
smile and be happy. . . .it gets right on everyone's tits!

[Alpha-9]

[J0Al1]

[Kradmelder]

[neatbik]

Cornish........

[J0Al1]

Oh dont you just love it when a plan comes together. . .

What hat should I buy?

I fancy something spectaular . . .

[Tonka]

[Handsome]

[Walloper]

[tbourner]

I thought your avatar was you, Cornish! Possibly after having not put the sidestand down fully or something.
____________________
Trev, now a biker?
Looking for first big bike.

[Rogerborg]