a certain amount of scrotal clenching ensued

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

Shitting hell, had a *very* close call this morning. And the bike an even closer one. Nad retraction factor of eleventeen on the balzac-o-meter.

Set out at about 11.30, after giving the sun a few hours to melt the frost off the roads. Or so I thought. Well, I was dying to get out there and thought fuck it, as long as I ride carefully enough I'll be fine. And I was. Just a back lane bimble, with extra grannying around those bends that were in shade.

Got about 10 miles out and was coming down this lane when I noticed three people at the side of the road. Hmm - strange place for a bus stop. Got closer and noticed a land rover in the ditch opposite them. Ah - okay. I get it.

Thought I better pull up and check everyone was okay, so pulled up, took the lid off and asked how everyone was. Mum 55, daughter 18, and a toddler. All were okay but a bit nervy. So I asked if they needed a phone or owt, but they'd already done that.

Suddenly a car comes round the bend, about 30-50 yards down the road (the same bend the landy had lost it on, of course), and yep. Skids, rights itself, skids again...and properly loses it this time.

Must've been doing a good 35 - maybe 40. And I knew the driver had clocked us and was basically target fixating on us - that's when I started to get scared. There wasn't really anywhere to retreat to. So the four of us just stood gaping at this fucking car hurtling towards us.

And that's when the driver noticed the landy - and my bike parked on the road next to it (I didn't have a puck with me and so had just got it on the stand at the side of the lane, rather than up on the verge which is where I actually had wanted to put it).

So, with a new target to get hung up on the car magically took another twitch and headed off towards the ditch on the other side of the lane from us. Ploughing directly towards my bike, an imminent broadside being about 1.5 seconds away. I just had time to think ah well it was good while it lasted, when the car hit the verge, mounted it and avoided the bike's back wheel by oooh 6 inches, if that.

It then smacked into the land rover sideways in the ditch, coming to rest against it's spare - mounted on the tailgate. Fucking hell. Couldn't believe it'd missed the bike. Or us for that matter!

Needless to say, nads were retracted. But yeah. Nobody was hurt, not even those in the second car - another woman about 50 with daughter about 18 again.

Much phone blathering and facebook page up-dating (!) ensued from all concerned, bar me and the toddler (who incidentally had burst into tears as the big man in orange - that's me folks - shouted "holy mother of fuck" as the car lost it on the bend). I heard someone saying into their phone "so I'm not clear, does that mean I am or am NOT covered??"

When the dust had settled - or mud, as it was - I trotted across the road, brushed the soil off the bike seat chucked on it by the crashed car, and wheeled it further up the lane to where I'd shepherded everyone.

A matter of seconds later a third car came round the bend - and yep, began to lose it. Luckily though the driver managed to right it. Same thing happened a few more times over the space of the next 15-20 minutes, as the others waited for assistance, and I had a gander at the damage.

Unbelievably neither car had much wrong with it. The corsa probably needed a new OS door, but the landy was fine - both were up to their axles in this deep, shitty ditch though.

But yeah - fuck. So close back there. In retrospect there's no way I should've left the bike where I did - it should've been obvious that another vehicle would come fuck-facing round the bend and copy the trajectory of the landy. But in mitigation, this was a very quiet lane. Then again, it *was* Saturday morning, and people clearly want to get out there shopping.

That bike must be well charmed though, to escape like it did. Verrrry lucky.

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

I've never managed to clench my ballsack. Do you do Pilates?
____________________
Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

Trust me, this was involuntary.

[ZebraDriver]

So let me get this straight. Despite being dressed in high viz stuff you didnt think of going further up the road to warn other drivers/bikers of the problem?

You must be related to the cnuts who let me hit black ice on my bike despite them being stood around waiting for recovery a few years ago....

[covent.gardens]

Pics? You do have pics?

[MattJ]

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[WannaBeDude]

Read Op, no sexual content or nsfw stuff
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Jogging on, destination living.

[Easter Bunny]

[WannaBeDude]

Correct, my hands are freezing, caus instad of heated grips i bought a rubix cube pop up traingle that fits in my bike toolkit, mainly caus said toolkit has no tools in it.
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Jogging on, destination living.

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

To be fair, there was clearly frost - snow, even - all along the verges. Secondly, gritters do not get this far out. Certainly not on these unclassified lanes - they're not even B-roads. The locals know this only too well - and both parties were local, as was everyone else that came by and stopped to see what was going on. Regardless, you didn't have to have a PhD in meteorology to surmise that the conditions on shaded bends (and elsewhere) might be somewhat treacherous.

I honestly don't think I could have done a lot more. I wasn't exaggerating when I said the people were up-dating their face book pages! Yes, in retrospect I should have told them to get real and sent some to go further up the road in one direction, while the other half of us trogged off the opposite way.

[WannaBeDude]

Or kept your bike at home and saved the poor cager from crashing avoiding said bike !
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Jogging on, destination living.

[Easter Bunny]

The Landy probably had a triangle
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The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train!

[Nope.]

So, did you or didn't you shag one of the 18 year olds?

If not, why not?

Also, how deep/steep was this ditch that the landy couldn't pull itself out?
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Former: Derbi GP1 50, Sachs XTC 125, Suzuki GSXR 400 GK73A, Kawasaki ZX7R, Suzuki DR250, Yamaha RD350
Current: 2011 Yamaha XT660Z Ténéré, 2003 Yamaha YZR-R1 5PW (In Build), 2009 Kawasaki ZZR1400

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[WannaBeDude]

Naahh, well done for stopping, not well done for not parking in front of them ! your not the AA or the filth
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Jogging on, destination living.

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[WannaBeDude]

How did you know it was a ditch then !
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Jogging on, destination living.

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

[WannaBeDude]

Cool, hope the cars werent too upset.
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Jogging on, destination living.

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

Tbh, still can't believe how undamaged the buggers were.

[Rogue_Shadow]

An eventful day and a good read

[WannaBeDude]