office secret-santa dilemma

[Kris]

Every year we do secret santa at work for a £5 gift. Every year I pride myself on getting a good balance on my choice of offensive / funny present. (i.e. lots of both). Last year my pressie was the star of the show.

This year I have drawn my boss's wife.


Help!
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[Nick 50]

1 Viagra Pill neatly boxed..................


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Previous Bikes: Aprilia Tuono 03 (The Beast), CBR600f (97)
First bike: A GZ125 Lemon.......

[mistergixer]

A couple of paracetamol.

"Well, the boss says you always seem to have a headache...."


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[Knightsy]

Wooden dildo (chair leg will do) with home made nail spikes coming out of it maybe?
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[Joncrete Cungle]

Get her some nipple clamps, £4.99 with free delivery.

[url]lifesperks.co.uk/bondage-nipple-screw-clamps-with-finger-rings-207-p.asp[/url]

[Suntan Sid]

BACON FFS!
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"Everybody needs money, that's why they call it money!"

[pa_broon74]

This is always a judgement call, if you don't know them it has to be a middle of the road type gift, the temptation is to go wild but it could back fire.

Personally I wouldn't go for a laugh in the short term if it could mean long term pain from the boss.

This year I have a god botherer to buy for, straight laced with a unique sense of humour (owing to AS.)

I'm thinking christ-shaped dildo...

(I'm joking. I still haven't thought about what to buy.)

PS: A couple of years ago someone bought something for a particularly poe-faced lady that looked like a sophisticated dildo, it was in fact a giant pen.
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Didn't catch anything.

[The Artist]

It is secret, get the dirtiest/funniest thing you can find.

[DrDonnyBrago]

Durex performa, a stop watch, and a progress chart.

[hellkat]

Its the boss's wife, ffs ... you have to spend more than the allocated fiver.

So buy her some Sciolti Chocs ... absolutely delicious* and always a popular last minute SS gift (ooof)

*(and very very classy indeed, you will get extra employee arselickery points when she googles the price ...)

Edit: OK I forgot for a minute there that its a SECRET santa.
Still, never mind. You will feel a glow of satisfaction when everybody says "oooooh, they were delicious and wonderful, I wonder what terribly clever and sophisticated person bought her those..."
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Skudd]

I have a secret santa issue too, I have got one of the office girls who is a good laugh, very good looking and can be one of the boys when talking dirty. Trouble is is that she is about 20 years younger than me and I don't want to come over all slimey pervert with her present, or come over as the office kill joy.

If I was twenty years younger it would be edible nipp[e tassles and g string with chocolate dildo, she would laugh her head off and probably eat the dildo infront of us and tell us all about wearing the tassles and g string. But I'm 45yr old and feel a pervert at my age.

Limit is £10 ish.
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[Kris]

For the record she is a business woman herself, is normally pretty affable she has a sense of humour - but you can imagine her being a bit of a bitch sometimes..

She's put on her Elfster wishlist "A new house" and "botox"....

I think a funny gift is viable.
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[ScaredyCat]

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[Paivi]