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The day I have been dreading for over a year

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Benno
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PostPosted: 01:29 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: The day I have been dreading for over a year Reply with quote

The day has finally come. Tomorrow at midday I will set off from Reading - for the last time as I have finished university - and go home to Devon on the motorbike. I will finally be informing my parents that I bought a bike. And have owned one for a full year without their knowledge. They do know that I passed my test, though.

Neither of them like bikes. Back when I was 17 they got wind of my intent to buy one and talked me out of it, with vague threats of being cut off from the family at large.

They have also helped me pay for my car insurance. With some kind of magic my mother managed to get my annual premium down to £400 (not by paying the difference). Which makes this a bit more of an awkward situation.

Now I know I'm an adult, at 22, but I still care about my parents, and as selfish as it sounds I am genuinely concerned that they will break the bike or get rid of it while I am away this summer (I leave on Friday for 2 months of playing soldiers). And also that they will tell me to piss off and never come back, or something along those lines.

So...how do I break it to them nicely and avoid a huge conflagration? I was thinking of emailing them and telling them I'd had a kid with some chav girl who had disappeared and was bringing it home to give to them while I was away with the army all summer. Then when I turned up on the bike it would almost be a relief...solid plan, right? Confused
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Jersum
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PostPosted: 02:03 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Re: The day I have been dreading for over a year Reply with quote

Benno wrote:
The day has finally come. Tomorrow at midday I will set off from Reading - for the last time as I have finished university - and go home to Devon on the motorbike. I will finally be informing my parents that I bought a bike. And have owned one for a full year without their knowledge. They do know that I passed my test, though.

Neither of them like bikes. Back when I was 17 they got wind of my intent to buy one and talked me out of it, with vague threats of being cut off from the family at large.

They have also helped me pay for my car insurance. With some kind of magic my mother managed to get my annual premium down to £400 (not by paying the difference). Which makes this a bit more of an awkward situation.

Now I know I'm an adult, at 22, but I still care about my parents, and as selfish as it sounds I am genuinely concerned that they will break the bike or get rid of it while I am away this summer (I leave on Friday for 2 months of playing soldiers). And also that they will tell me to piss off and never come back, or something along those lines.

So...how do I break it to them nicely and avoid a huge conflagration? I was thinking of emailing them and telling them I'd had a kid with some chav girl who had disappeared and was bringing it home to give to them while I was away with the army all summer. Then when I turned up on the bike it would almost be a relief...solid plan, right? Confused


Try selling them softly, then explain it's something you like doing, why you like it, it's your choice and they need to respect that etc if they still don't like it, ask them if it's really worth you resenting them over it.

I'm so lucky that no one in my entire family has a problem with bikes, most of them actually quite like bikes.

Anyway best of luck!
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Supermoto_Fan
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PostPosted: 04:26 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

If their willing to lose their son over it then get out while you can. Bit shallow of them.

Ps, ride in on backwheel, burnout on hallway carpet. Happy days
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Kradmelder
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PostPosted: 06:47 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are a 22 year old white man and university graduate. A species ready to go out start a career, buy his own home and start his own family. Act like it, make your own choices and they must respect it. If you want their advice you will ask for it.

You must act like a man and not be tied to the apron strings worried of their disapproval. It would be pathetic and loserish going through life now w having to run back home worried of their disapproval. Time to make choiyour own choices and accept the consequences.
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Ichy
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PostPosted: 07:30 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

^^Well said.
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Knightsy
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PostPosted: 07:35 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

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hellkat
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PostPosted: 07:36 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jeez Laughing

I agree with Krad. You're not an 8 year-old kid any more.

Just turn up on it. They know you passed your licence, they're hardly going to be surprised.

All parents, as do their children, come eventually to realise that their children are grown up and entitled to do whatever they want, regardless of what the parents do or do not want them to do.
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 07:55 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get run over by a tank, that'll put things in perspective for them.

Krads's Lebensraum ravings aside, the way that it works is: their roof, their rules.

If seeing your deathmobile outside causes them ongoing stress and worry, that's on your conscience.
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Shinigami
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PostPosted: 07:55 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

MTFU, do a stoppie on the doorstep, swing the back around and knock on the door with ye back wheel

then punch in the tits and do up the.....sorry suppose not this time.

but yea man up, you're an adult behave like one and if they even think about cutting you off then that's a good thing as they're obviously shallow, deluded and live in their own little dream world.
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J0Al1
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PostPosted: 08:05 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Totally do your own thing. Be proud of your achievements.

I worry a little too much what my parents thing of certain things at certain times... But in hindsight the things I worry about are tings I'm not sure of myself and they have always proven right about certain things!

The bike? Ha, I don't worry about that! Its my choice, know they hate it but they accept it.

Your so much better than someone who has no licence for any vehicle and just remember that.
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Benno
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PostPosted: 08:15 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm torn between the two perspectives here. On the one hand, yes I am a 22 year old adult. On the other hand, they have given me financial assistance - including helping me get the car! - and as Roger said, their roof, their rules.

But fuck it, I don't have a choice now, we're at t-minus 3 hours...

https://www.nasa.gov/images/content/110796main_discovery-hype-storage-lg.jpg


Also, Krad, who ever said I was white? Wink

Just kidding...I'm white as a peach and my neck is peeling badly from sunburn which means wearing leathers is really, realy painful!
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GhostRider
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PostPosted: 08:30 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Playing soldiers huh? Tell them you are far more likely to have your legs blown off by an IDE than an accident on the bike, so they should settle down and sleep well in their beds at night.

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dan_flash
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PostPosted: 08:35 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

You've had a motorcycle for a year and - unless I'm mistaken - you've not crashed or got points or had any major incidents or anything. So it's a bit late to not be a motorcyclist really. They should take that into account before writing to Jeremy Kyle.

I've used my example before in similar threads; my mum and dad don't like motorcycles (mum's brother died in an accident) and I got a licence when I was living with my mum and in almost no time at all they just accepted it with the occasional 'ride safely, yeah?' and after some time they saw that I have not had any accidents so far and now they think nothing of me riding.
Hell my dad, who has never ridden in his life, is now encouraging me to ride my er5 over here from England instead of picking it up in a rented van ('it will be a lovely ride that, you would really enjoy it' etc). 18 months ago he would have said sell the thing.
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daemonoid
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PostPosted: 08:49 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

During my time at uni I was disowned for a couple of weeks just because I got an eyebrow piercing.

My mother picked me up from the train station, spotted it in the car then drove me to my grandparents and left me there.

These things blow over - parents disapprove but eventually realise it's your life and not theirs.

When/if you have the talk show them this https://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2007/03_march/23/riding.shtml (blatantly stolen from Roger) and explain that the risks of riding are nowhere near as bad as most people think. We all do things that are 'dangerous' without thinking, somehow riding a motorcycle is associated with insta-death whereas walking down stairs is not even considered...
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AlanC
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PostPosted: 08:58 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Re: The day I have been dreading for over a year Reply with quote

Benno wrote:
I will finally be informing my parents that I bought a bike. And have owned one for a full year without their knowledge. They do know that I passed my test, though.

I think you're in for a surprise. They'll almost certainly have realised you'd buy one if they know you've passed your test.

Quote:
Neither of them like bikes. Back when I was 17 they got wind of my intent to buy one and talked me out of it, with vague threats of being cut off from the family at large.

That was at 17, 5 years ago, and they do know you've passed your test now.

Quote:
Now I know I'm an adult, at 22, but I still care about my parents, and as selfish as it sounds I am genuinely concerned that they will break the bike or get rid of it while I am away this summer (I leave on Friday for 2 months of playing soldiers). And also that they will tell me to piss off and never come back, or something along those lines.

What's your relationship with your parents like? Do you have any grounds for the concern that they'd do something to the bike? If not, then I wouldn't worry. Besides, if you're going into the military they're going to have a whole lot more to worry about than the fact you ride a bike...

Quote:
So...how do I break it to them nicely and avoid a huge conflagration?

They know you like bikes. They know you've passed your test. How big a surprise can it be?
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Bubbs
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PostPosted: 09:12 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kradmelder wrote:
You are a 22 year old white man and university graduate. A species ready to go out start a career, buy his own home and start his own family. Act like it, make your own choices and they must respect it. If you want their advice you will ask for it.

You must act like a man and not be tied to the apron strings worried of their disapproval. It would be pathetic and loserish going through life now w having to run back home worried of their disapproval. Time to make choiyour own choices and accept the consequences.


I agree with Krad to a point. However if your parents are still funding you, then unfortunately you are still tied to the apron strings. You have not earned the right to turn around and say I'm a man and this is my decision. If it was they who enabled you to get your bike then they have a right to being informed properly.

However if you bought the bike out of your own money, and are not tied to them in anyother way then I fully agree with Krads response.

When I lived with my parents, they said I was never allowed a bike while under their roof. So I moved out, did my test, and now own a bike. If they have a problem then I re-assure them that i'm happy and I am responsible for myself now.. nothing they can do about it. Since cutting the apron strings, the relationship changed and now we have more of a friendship rather than a parents/son relationship.
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Rogerborg
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PostPosted: 09:30 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

GhostRider wrote:
Playing soldiers huh? Tell them you are far more likely to have your legs blown off by an IDE

On Salisbury Plain?

Buy a hi-vis on the way home. I put mine on when I visit my mother (I mean, I stop and put it on at the end of the road) not because I'm a pussy, but because it's the mature, considerate, adult thing to do and I'm a pussy.
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 10:08 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still prefer your original idea FTW!

Saying you met a chav 18year old substance abuser from a notorious scumbag family on an estate, and had a kid with her, but she left you to father it as she got put away for theft and drug possession! Thumbs Up
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Benno
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PostPosted: 10:55 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rogerborg wrote:
GhostRider wrote:
Playing soldiers huh? Tell them you are far more likely to have your legs blown off by an IDE

On Salisbury Plain?

Buy a hi-vis on the way home. I put mine on when I visit my mother (I mean, I stop and put it on at the end of the road) not because I'm a pussy, but because it's the mature, considerate, adult thing to do and I'm a pussy.


In the exotic locales of Kent and Scotland (with a brief stint in Turkey, believe it or not)...yes, I said "playing", not "being", I'm just a weekend warrior Embarassed

I actually had a hi-viz vest, but - and this is the really stupid thing - I packed it when I took the car home Shocked


Quote:
Saying you met a chav 18year old substance abuser from a notorious scumbag family on an estate, and had a kid with her, but she left you to father it as she got put away for theft and drug possession!


I am seriously considering doing this just for the lulz. Someone tempt me to do it...god damn I live for this shit Laughing Laughing


Aaaanyway, there really is nothing to do now. I'm packing everything I have up here into my little rucksack and setting off soon. Might stop at my friend's house on the way to cry on her shoulder for a bit before continuing.
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Joncrete Cungle
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PostPosted: 11:41 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roll up outside the front door and let it bounce off the rev limiter, then a quick burnout on the doormat. My mum still 'hates' Rolling Eyes guns and motorbikes. I don't let it stop me enjoying both and occasionally turning up at her house to see her with my brother. Both of us on our bikes with shotguns on the way back from a spot of clay pigeon shooting or vermin bashing. For teh lulz, she will stop spazzing out about it one day. Probably when she is in a box.
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yaigi
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PostPosted: 11:45 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's been a year, they might have calmed down over the whole thing. My mum and Dad had the same reaction when I wanted a bike at 17 - ended up paying for a car and my insurance just so I wouldn't go and get a bike. I was even promised a jetski... never did get that though Evil or Very Mad

When I eventually did get a bike off my own back they were just kinda "Oh right ok, be careful..." - it was ten years later like, but I think they had realised that in 10 years I hadn't had even one bump in the car so I wasn't some kind of maniac road user or muppet. The fact you have been riding it for a year, even though you have lied to them, might instil a bit of confidence into them. They'll probably be mad you lied though Confused
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chris-red
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PostPosted: 12:24 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think parents who would disown their child over the type of transport they own are shallow scummy cunts. I would want nothing to do with them. Jeez it's not like you are telling them you are gay. Laughing
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stevo as b4
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PostPosted: 14:58 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've gotta thank my dad for going born again in 1996. My mum doesn't like bikes, but tolerated my off road biking from age 11-15. Once my dad was on the road with a bike again, I knew that sooner or later it was inevitable that I would get a road bike, and that my mum would come round to the idea too. I was semi into car's at the time, but I sold my car and did DAS in 1998, and never looked back.

I would have however done the 33bhp route if I could have done an intensive course at the time, I had a 33bhp (natural) bike for at least 18months. Remember that even though bike insurance was pricey then, it was more affordable today, and car insurance has probably gone up 4-5fold since then too!

Thinking about it I might have probably got though my silly modified car phase earlier as well, so that I would hopefully be out of it before now and own an everyday family hatch and a nice bike these days, but I've not grown up yet!
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pepperami
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PostPosted: 17:12 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

" Dad, Mum, this is my bike, I chose to buy and ride a bike, MY decision because I want to .
If you have a problem with that , that is your problem, deal with it."

Then punch them in the throat and weld them to 4 thou of their life Thumbs Up
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JonB
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PostPosted: 17:15 - 12 Jun 2013    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel if I was a parent that i'd be more disappointed about the deception, rather than the fact my kid has bought something I disapprove of.
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