The most undesirable bike - i want one

[cbrtrxtdmvfrD...]

I need to purchase a bike which will not be given a second glance by anyone tempted to take it, i mostly know from a motorcyclist's point of view what are less desirable than others, but for parts value, ease of taking and joy riding this is outside of my knowledge i'm afraid. My basic requirement is reliability above all others - then for it to be there after i leave it uncovered and unattended (but locked obviously) as in not having to be in the pub or wherever i am worrying about it. My first thoughts were something very heavy, then i thought about a cosmetically damaged sportsbike, then i decided i needed to ask for advice. Insurance costs are not a problem as i am well over 40 and live in a rural area of Devon, price-wise around the £1K mark - many thanks in advance.
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Right' O

[Wafer_Thin_Ham]

GS500? You'd have to pay them to steal it.
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[P.addy]

Some ghetto NTV or CB500.

[map]

Kawasaki GT550. With a bolted on fairing.
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...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
Gibbs, what did Duckie look like when he was younger?

[c_dug]

I've made this argument before. XJ900 Divvy, too big for the youth, too low value for parts, too slow for the track. No reason to be stolen!

Bike could be replaced with anything that meets those criteria but my divvy works well.
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I am a bellend, I am a man of constant sorrow, I am a gummy bear, I am a rock.

[wr6133]

Kawasaki EN500. So hideous I can't imagine anyone would nick one and worthless enough I doubt stealing for parts is worthwhile.

Look for yourself https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/kawasaki-en500-vulcan-cruiser-/271441917047?pt=UK_Motorcycles&hash=item3f3332f477

Look it's so shit it made the seller ill

[stinkwheel]

An old speedbarge.

CB1000F, ZZR1100 etc.

Too lardy for the track, too old for the spares market, too big and fast for the neds.

Nobody ever touched my GPZ500 which I parked on street in Newtown in Edinburgh for two years. They used to pinch my Jawa all the time but couldn't start it so I'd get it back again. C90s had a life expectancy of less than an hour. Anything resembling a dirt bike would spontaneously blink out of existance as soon as you looked away and re-appear in Craigmillar. On fire.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Sabs]

Are you sure this is a good idea? People will steal anything given the chance and if the bike is that bad, you may end up not wanting to ride it yourself.
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Theory in the bag, Mod 1 passed 28/3/2014, Mod 2 passed 9/4/2014 - Let loose
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[Knacker]

I wouldn't ride this if you paid me.

https://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb259/Squeaky_86_2007/_12.jpg
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Current: Gsxr 600 Srad - GS125 - DT125
Previous: K1 GSXR 1000

[sabian92]

1. Take any shithole bike you can find on autotrader/eBay for scrap
2. do it up so it runs (barely)
3. don't maintain it
4. never clean it

Advice I see on cycling forums quite a lot and it seems to work, and push bikes are generally easier to nick because they aren't alarmed and are locked up with locks made from cheese usually.

[Az]

My friends 2year old Chinese 125 which was in a sorry rusty state was stolen… I think thieves will steal anything they can if they're looking for a joy ride or any bike that has parts that will sell such as a CB500 or Bandit as they're relatively popular bikes.

Personally, i'd buy a bike that you wouldn't be too gutted by if it was stolen. Just buy an old, cheap bike because any bike is appealing to a thief, although an almax chain and an alarm may put them off a bit more.

[J.M.]

[andyscooter]

milfhunters selling his bike


NO ONE WOULD EVER WANT THAT
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gilera runner vxr200 (chavped)
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[stevo as b4]

I'd probably try getting hold of a cheap K75/100 BMW. They are very dull looking, and being BMW's just weird compared to anything else. They also seem pretty bullet proof and don't attract a second glance from the scum.

But if I was wanting a ride me to work and back bike on the cheap, that doesn't have to be good, fun or interesting, id want a very simple machine personally. Air cooled and only 1-2cyls if possible as there's less plugs to change, valve clearances to check/carbs to balance.

How about something like an Indian Enfield 350?

[Marmalade]

As said, a ntv600/650. Buy the dogiest dog you can find for £250, spend £300 on tyres, bearings, servicing it throughout but put a hammer to the tank and duct tape everything else, it'll last forever but you'd have to be a proper tard to want to steal it.

There is also a pan euro, 3 of us tried getting one into a van on a ramp and it was really hard, I imagine 4 people would have trouble dragging one into a van with a ramp so 2 people leaping out to do a quick snatch job wouldn't happen and joyriders wouldn't look twice.
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[RhynoCZ]

Paint it pink, a mate of mine had a pink mountain bike, he didn't even use the chain to secure the bike when he left it outside, no one ever touched it.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[jjdugen]

One more for the 900 Divvy, (DAMN good bike BTW). Chavs had mine away from the garage, before I got wise and roller shuttered every exit. Middle of winter so it was freezing cold, as was the driveshaft lube. EP90 is thick stuff, the Divvy is heavy, the chavs made it down to the the road, but were too knackered to even try running from a cruising plodmobile. The nice cop that came round to tell me where my bike was, 'inadvertantly' let slip the names of the pond-life. Much fun was had a little later. Divvy 9's rule! (And they can be made to handle reasonable well, fit EXUP 1000 calipers and they can stop too!).
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The CBR900RR has been sold. Aprilia Falco worms its way into my heart.
Try Soi 23 on Amazon for a good read.... Self promotion? Moi?

[woo]

as said before there is no such thing as cunts will steal anything!
best bet is to buy a bike that if it got stolen you would not be gutted about or hurt financially!

life is for living and enjoying
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[pepperami]

[stinkwheel]

[esullivan]

If you're looking for a late-model, practical commuter, no one who knows anything about bikes ever gives my NC700S a second glance:

1) It's a heavy bike, with gears, so too hard for the typical double-digit IQ yoof looking for a joy ride.

2) For the professional thief, the model is less attractive because it's fairly new (so not much of a demand for suspiciously cheap spare parts) and the built-in immobiliser can complicate selling it on unless you can get the keys too. Plus, any Russian or Lithuanian gangsters looking for a new import (the professional's customers) are going to want something track-worthy, which the NC (with a top speed of about 115mph) is decidedly not.

For the owner, though, it's very reliable. Starts every morning without fuss. It's very easy to ride. And it will still beat most cars that cost less than six figures in the traffic light derby.
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Current: '14 VFR800X Test passed 31/10/12.
Previous: '12 NC700S, '11 CBF 125, '04 SH 125.

[trevor saxe-coburg-gotha]

Cbf600? Heavier than the 500 twins, shouldn't be too dear, and is not exactly desirable.
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"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent."

Mobylette Type 50 ---> Raleigh Grifter ---> Neval Minsk 125

[mentalboy]

As a fellow Devonian I've had allsorts of bikes (usually older than ten years) and not once (touchwood) had one nicked, although some scrotes did pinch my Z400 tank and side panels after I left it by the roadside for ten days, the MingTay lock prevented anything else. My ex sold her RS125 and it went missing shortly afterwards but it was left unsecured in a scabby area of Exeter. Otherwise I don't know of anyone who's had problems with road bikes, just don't get an Enduro.
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[covent.gardens]

My dirty, gaffa taped old cb500 doesn't give me too much concern, I don't bother chaining it up but I should, I do figure that as there are always better bikes about, they won't bother, but you can never guarantee it.

[Rogerborg]

Chavs will steal anything they can, because they can steal it.

There is no safe bike. Buy yourself a massive chain, lock and anchor, then get a bike to fit.
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GONE: HN125-8, LF-250B, GPz 305, GPZ 500S, Burgman 400 // RIDING: F650GS (800 twin), Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 500 AVL, Ninja 250R because racebike