That blokes a nutter, unfortunately me

[Itchy]

I am extremely depressed and rather unhappy with lots of hidden anger I am not sure why. I should not be depressed as my life is actually not that bad in terms of wealth. Though work ops and relationships are affected which makes me unhappier still.

I have hidden this for at least 16 years by keeping busy say working 3 jobs at the same time (which made $$$$$), wearing multiple masks to disguise my real persona and keeping my distance to prevent the real me being exposed.

Some perceptive BCFers have noticed and have inklings as to something not being right ~ the most poignant post was maybe its you.


They hit the nail on the head there.

I can no longer keep busy and suppress as before, empty days like today, no work, nothing to do. I even managed to get as far as Wrexham on BBQ day before I had a downward swing and turned back.

I know psychological things cannot be 'fixed' (aside from brain chemistry issues) only managed.


So how exactly do I go about managing it? as I feel like I am going round in destructive vicious circles.

Note I do not have a GP. I exercise heavily to pass the time as well.
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Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

[Tungtvann]

You should do some drugs.

[Skudd]

I went through this sort of thing. Used work as a gap filler and curled up outside of it. Couldn't be bothered to make the effort even on things that I really wanted to do.

Small steps help and someone who matters (Kids do matter but not in the way I'm talking about.)

That bike ride and tuning back, that should have been the time you made that extra effort. I know I have turned back many a time, but the few times I made the effort were so rewarding I wonder why I didn't always make the effort.

[Lord Percy]

I think the answer lies in having a more active social life.

Not gonna lie, I'm feeling really bored and depressed constantly at the moment, even though my life is fantastic to me. I know the one thing that fishes me out of this mindset is having a bunch of people I can hang around with, or at least having some level of social interaction, quite literally so I feel validated as an existing human being. My life has lacked 'people' for about a year now, because I got too focussed on studying and immediately neglected all my old friendships, writing them off as pointless/unhelpful for my current endeavours. Kinda sucks now though because I don't know anyone any more! So yeah, hanging around with people, just for the sake of being with them, might help, maybe?

If you already have a good social circle (outside of work), then maybe it's something else? Another suggestion might be the issue of, 'Do you think the things you're doing in life are really worthwhile, in the grand scheme of things.' That's the kind of thing that might play on my mind after a few years of doing something I'm not passionate about. That's for you to evaluate though, I guess.

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

Bloody nora Leon....
Could everyone stop being unhappy for just one pickin minute.
We're arguably in the best of decadent times with personal life choices aplenty and yet it seems to decrease general well being. Pack it in.

Maybe we can't pack it in, so what can I do about it?

I reckon you could take off the rose tinted specs (can only go off your recent posts) and get to the getting. Who is you? I wouldn't bother trying to work out why you have hidden anger or multiple personas as that stuff may reveal itself when you've decided to be proper honest with who you really are.

Sorry if it reads a bit dippy-hippy, but being happy in your own skin, warts and all is liberating. I know when I'm happy I can make other people happy..or in other words if I'm in a foul mood everyone suffers. I'm so much better at giving myself a slap across the mush and snapping out of it. Keeping myself in check so to speak.

You're a bloke who likes adventures, that much I do know.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[metalangel]

Maybe go to a walk-in clinic or something and see if they can point you in the direction of a therapist to work out what's going on and what sort of treatment would work best?

I feel like I'm in the same boat. I am depressed, lonely, bored, frustrated.

All the women I'm meeting are fucked up. I don't have many friends and those I do have currently have issues which means I don't get to see them often. My life is just going to work, coming home, and exercising or playing video games.

I should probably take my own advice and seek help.
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Previous: 2002 Honda CB500 (sold), 2007 Suzuki SV650SK6 (crashed), 2005 Yamaha FZ6 Fazer (sold). Currently bikeless
"A faired bike will get you 10x more clunge than a unfaired one." -Marlboro Matt

[map]

Talk to someone. Look into counselling. Can help to put stuff into perspective.


Or, man up, realise where you come from and where you want to go, emotionally, career, location, etc. Then move forward.
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...and the whirlwind is in the thorn trees, it's hard for thee to kick against the pricks...
Gibbs, what did Duckie look like when he was younger?

[metalangel]

[map]

[metalangel]

I did. Throwing that in there is unnecessary, and takes away from the rest of it.
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Previous: 2002 Honda CB500 (sold), 2007 Suzuki SV650SK6 (crashed), 2005 Yamaha FZ6 Fazer (sold). Currently bikeless
"A faired bike will get you 10x more clunge than a unfaired one." -Marlboro Matt

[kawashima]

I think most of us hide our raw emotions at work. We don't shout or write four letter words in your business emails. Most of us don't expose our real faces to other people at work. It's a quite normal thing I think.
I agree with metalangel's post (going to clinic, find a therapist, vent out real emotion will surely work well to some extent (if not, you can stop visiting or change therapist anytime on your own will)). Working hard sometimes deprive us of our mental health little by little while we don't notice.
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own:2020 Serow 250
owned: 2012 YB125SP, 2008 TDM900, 2005 W650, 2002 LS125R, 2002 CB400SF, NS50F, C50 / Trip to UK(2009), Hokkaido touring(2013)

[Ste]

Getting anything useful done on the NHS will be hassle probably with many waiting lists. You might be able to get on a group CBT course at your local GP's but a slight spanner in the works with that will be that you're not registered with a GP. That and unless the other people in the group have similar 'problems' that you do then it won't be much use.

If you do get anything useful from the NHS then you're more than likely to be offered whatever drugs are their current choice to prescribe. Of course when the doctor writing you the prescription is using a pen and clipboard branded with the company name who're the same people that make the drugs which they're prescribing you then that's obviously just a coincidence.

Therapy and drugs are only part of the answer. Filling your time in a productive and interesting way is a big part of any solution and it's a much more long term solution. This is a better way to spend your time then just finding things to pass the time as just passing the time makes you think 'why am I doing this, why aren't I happy when everyone else seems to be?'.

Finding a drug that helps you is a case of trial and error, the error part of it is crap cos generally you're trading one side effect for another and then weighing up any benefits against the side effects. What drug helps one person is by no means going to be the one that helps you so bear that in mind.

If you can get referred to your local Community Mental Health services (or Recovery Services or whatever PC name they've decided to rebrand themselves to ) then I'd expect it to be more helpful than whatever a GP is able to offer. Getting your foot in the door and onto their books is the hassle with doing that, once you're known to them then getting re-referred is easy, it's the first time that can be a PITA. And the stigma attached to being on the books of mental health services is something that you'll just have to ignore.

Hiding it isn't going to help apart from in the short term you'll think you're not causing embarrassment to yourself by talking about your problems with people you know but the realiality is that the hole you're in is just getting deeper. Isolating yourself will only add to the vicious circle that you're in.

This post has turned out slightly longer than I was expecting it to be but I hope it's of some help, if you'd like me to chat more shit about anything I've mentioned or anything else then feel free to ask.

[Hetzer]

[Dalemac]

If you are depressed and angry, there will be triggers. What makes you depressed or angry?



The fact you exercise heavily is interesting as it implies you are well disciplined so its not as if you are just lazing around. Exercise is also a great for taking out anger and releases endorphin's which make you feel relaxed and happy.

You should have come the the BBQ. Sometimes you have to say you are doing something and then just do it without second thought. We all have to do that sometimes. While I was there, I had a great time. Felt relaxed and didn't feel like a stranger at all, which i guess thinking about it now is odd, as I hadn't met anyone previously.
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YBR125 -> GPZ500S -> SL1000

[rideslikean00...]

[instigator]

[Itchy]

[Itchy]

[JonB]

Not really anything I can say to help, but I wish you all the best in trying to sort your problems.

It has been apparent since I started reading your posts that your glass is most certainly half empty as your view of the world has been very pessimistic. I've not been in that place you've been and I'm not qualified to tell you what is right.

What I do know, is that the masking of any problem is only going to exacerbate that problem. You need to address this head on. Maybe accept you can't do it alone and will need external intervention. Be it counselling, drugs or anything else.
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[RhynoCZ]

Do you play any musical instrument? If not, pick one and start, very addictive and very satisfactory, if you get good enough.

In fact, any creative activity is very satisfactory, if you get good enough at it. The key is to pick something you like, not something others force you to do.
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'87 Honda XBR 500, '96 Kawasaki ZX7R P1, '90 Honda CB-1, '88 Kawasaki GPz550, MZ 150 ETZ
'95 Mercedes-Benz w202 C200 CGI, '98 Mercedes-Benz w210 E200 Kompressor

[lihp]

[Itchy]

[instigator]

[Itchy]

[Kickstart]

Hi

Find something constructive to do. Not sure that what you chose matters just so long as there is a result from it that you find constructive.

Fix up an old bike. Take up painting. Build kits (or from scratch). Gardening. Charity work. Train people in the gym. Learn to program computers.

All the best

Keith
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Traxpics, track day and racing photographs - Bimota Forum - Bike performance / thrust graphs for choosing gearing