A Joke A Day

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Where's this thread gone? I've got a really good one.......
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[chickenstrip]

I think Rhyno's "lost in translation" specials must have killed it
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Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

News just in.

The inventor of predictive texts has died, his funfair will be hello at sundial.
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Diabolical homemade music Bandcamp and Soundcloud
Singer songwriter, Artist and allround good bloke Listen to Andrew Susan Johnston here
The Harry Turner Project

[Tracey Suntan-King]

Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Jimmy Saville walk into an Irish bar.

The barman says, "Oh no, not Yewtree again."
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Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

[map]

[Raffles]

What do you call an Irish Rasta?

Padlock.
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[fatjames]

Well, if we're starting again..



What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day..

..Anal sex makes your hole weak.

[Shaft]

[MattJ]

I'm glad it's gone. The grammatical error in the topic title irritated me whenever I saw it.

[swampy]

[pinkyfloyd]

[Skudd]

[Chuffin Nora]

[andym]

The barman asked me "How come I never see you in here with Pete anymore?"

I said "Would you drink with a guy who's a liar, always late, never pays his debts, squirms out of his round and when your backs turned he tries to give your wife one?"

The barman said "Bloody hell, NO!"

I said "Well neither would Pete"

[chickenstrip]

[andym]

Santa - 'And what would you like for Christmas?'
Me - 'A dragon'
Santa - 'Come now, be realistic'
Me - 'OK a loyal girlfriend'
Santa - 'What colour dragon would you like?'

[The999Kid]

Apparently the best way to make a cup of tea is not to stir the water, but to fill the cup with water then agitate the bag...

Decided I'd try it out last night... So as per the instructions I filled the cup with water, then punched the wife!
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NDB 19/10/1989 - 1/11/2010 |Nowhere.Elyseum wrote: I get the distinct feeling that Tim should be our secret weapon for future trolling. I don't know many people that can rip the piss in Iambic pentameter

[Taught2BCauti...]

Came home from work last night to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything taken.

What kind of evil monster does that to a bloke's advent calendar?!?
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Honda Varadero XL125(V8)
www.TheFutureIsHere.eu

[andym]

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers".

"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!".

"Really" says the interviewer? "Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country."

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?

[ScaredyCat]

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt...






...Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche
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Honda CBF125 ➝ NC700X
Honda CBF125 ↳ Speed Triple

[Raffles]

The Guantanamo Bay detainees weren't really bothered about the CIA's water-boarding techniques.

It was when the CIA started adding soap that they became traumatised.
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A good loser will always be a loser.

[CieL]

https://s27.postimg.org/41p23ei6r/image.jpg
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Semper Paratus

[Llama-Farmer]

What's the difference between myxomatosis and Hugh Hefner?

Myxomatosis doesn't need viagra to fuck bunnies.
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Current Bike: 1999 Honda CB600 FX Hornet
Next Bike: I want a CBR-RR. And I want an F800 GS-A. And a VFR 800. Can I have all 3?
Dream Bikes: Honda VFR750R RC30, Honda NSR500, Ducati 996 R

[The Artist]

I invited a cow to a house party last night. She turned up late, cold and wet after her car broke down. I said come in, you must be Friesian!

[Fisty]