what is the best way to clean my bike

[daplumber]

ok the bike is humming and needs a wash...vfr800x crossrunner
not sure of all the shiny advertising so what works ?
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I'm New to biking. Failed mod 1 once and mod2 twice...Gwan!

[wristjob]

hot soapy water in a bucket
then oil the bits that need it after

soapy water needs applying to the bike via a sponge or rag of some sort

[Fisty]

Water, soap, sponge, rinse.
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
Fatter and faster than Fret

[daplumber]

Yeah...thought so
is it ok to wash it down with a hose afterwards...ie what about water in the exhaust etc?
anything I need to be cautious about?
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I'm New to biking. Failed mod 1 once and mod2 twice...Gwan!

[Fisty]

[Northern Monkey]

[pepperami]

[FriendlyEllis]

Rinse down with a Karcher (holding it good 18inches away) to clear off blatent muck.

Don't hold it too close to any electrical connections or bearings/chain on full pressure as you don't want to force water into nooks and crannies it shouldn't go.

Spray all over with Muc Off (the pink stuff) and then go and make a cup of coffee/tea.

Use a wet wash mitt and rub the Muc Off off, you'll find that it's a great degreaser and general crap remover.
Start with you paintwork and plastics first, then move onto the engine and wheels, finally finishing on the oily swing arm. Basically starting at the cleanest, more scratchable areas, and moving towards the dirtier, greasier area as you go.

Rinse again all over with pressure washer.

Dab dry with kitchen roll.

Run engine to dry off and allow to cool.
Spray Muc off Speed Polish onto painted areas, screen and plastics, wait a minute then buff off with a soft lintfree cloth.

Apply ACF50 onto engine and rub in with kitchen roll to prevent corrosion.
Spray ACF50 onto rear shock and swing arm pivot for same reasons.

Using an old rag, spray WD40 onto it and polish exhaust. If the exhaust is stained then try Autosol first then the WD40.
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Honda CB600F Hornet 2013 -> Kawasaki Z1000SX ABS Tourer 2015

[Minty]

Clean?
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My fingers smell of your mum.

[The Tot]

I use my steam cleaner and a series of microfibre cloths! Lifts off the dirt and grease with ease! I found it's the easiest way of getting rid of congealed chain lube and gunk from the front sprockets and on the rear wheels as well.

No solvents mean that it's kind to most of the parts on the bike. It MAY be "steam" per se, but it's not that hot that it damages rubber o-rings and such like.

I steam clean the outside of my car with the squeegee attachment to make the grime disappear in spring!
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The Tot 2019 Z1000SX - 2007 R1
Never argue with autism

[hellkat]

Has anybody ever actually had their bike cleaned at a bikini bike wash?

And if so ... do those birds actually do a good job?

Or do you not really notice?
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[mentalboy]

[Commuter_Tim]

..wait, those are REAL?!
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The above post is most likely nonsensical.

I ride a Bandit 600... badly.

[hellkat]

They usually have them at the Bulldog Bash, but seeing as how I haven't been to a Bulldog Bash for about 97 years (and unlikely to ever go to any more ) ... I can't be sure they still have them.

Surely they must have them elsewhere.

When I was involved with some ladies of the coinage, we thought it might be a good idea for them to go round in a bus and visit those polish car washes and offer soapy tit wanks bikini bike washes - one of the girls had ended up buying her husband a car wash to amuse him whilst she was bonking all day, but we never got round to going over there to see whether whores, bikes and soapy water would be a winning combo ... bloody shoulda done
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[grr666]

[Jim Mc]

I hear liquid paraffin in gallon drums from bandq works well. I usually apply wd40 equivalent to most areas of the bike to cut the grease and then brush non chromed metal, use a clean sponge on bodywork then sponge everywhere elsel before jet washing then soapy water wash and wax.

Brasso and scourer works well on exhaust headers

[dandelion]

Bikini washes? Great, those strings will get in between the spokes well.

My ride is filthy, any recommended valet cleaners in the hertfordshire area? Can't be bothered to wash it myself in the cold.

[devojunior]

if using soapy water i.e washing up liquid rinse off with fresh water as it contains salt which is no good just get some car shampoo and hot water and a jar of elbow grease.

oh and before and after pics please

[c-m]

Car shampoo only costs about £2 from tesco.

Shop towels form Halfords.

Paraffin for the chain (though I don't clean the chain these days)

WD40 for wheels and other metal bits covered in greasy grime.

[talkToTheHat]

Hose down, spray with pink muc off, hose again.

If bike is really dirty and I can be bothered:
Clean stubborn marks off bodywork with microfibre cloth and two buckets of water (one to clean grime from cloth, another to dip cloth in to wash next part. Work from top down.

Non-bodywork parts get brushed clean again with muc-off and two bucket techique, working thereabouts from top to bottom again.

Rinse with hose

If ACF50 protected parts have been cleaned, reapply.

Occasionally:
dry paintwork and apply muc off miracle shine
use appropriate metal polish on any scummy looking metal parts
acf50 the vulnerable bits

always:
check tyres are not coated in something slippery
give brake disks a quick blast with brake cleaner if there is any chance anything slippery got near them

Pink Muc-off can be found in 5 litre bottles, often 2 for £20 delivered.
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Bandit. does. everything.

[Boxing]

Don't use washing up liquid as a substitute to proper bike polish, you'll regret it.

Also, ACF-50 and chain lubrication when done. Start it up at the last rinse off and let the bike warm up. I wouldn't apply the chain lubrication until its dried a bit. Also, I personally apply ACF-50 all over my exhaust. Mine is prone to rust though.

[talkToTheHat]

Don't have a chain. Life is easy. Previously was cleaning chains on the 125s more often than I bothered cleaning the rest of the bike.
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Bandit. does. everything.

[hellkat]

Oh hey! I just realised I don't have a chain to lube ...



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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[bogof]

The best way... is to pay someone

[hellkat]

I find very little to disagree with in relation to that concept
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.