Developing communication skills

[Sun Wukong]

So, one for all those who manage people, or live in shared houses or generally have to convey sensitive stuff to people.

Got any tips?

I don't come across as intimidating any more. Go me.

Have now gone the other way though, and instead sound like a bumbling old man.

So, from all you wonderful people, how can I better ask people to do tasks and stuff that they probably don't want to do, without sounding like a cock ?


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Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86

[Rogerborg]

Passive aggressive Post-It notes stuck on the fridge.
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[hellkat]

Intimidating?
What a cute concept.

Anyway: on topic.

Just ask.
No pleasy weasy stuff, no anxiety stuff.
Just state pleasantly what you want done, and say please or thank you.

Fucking about with poncy wording or beggage is pointless, I've recently realised myself that nobody really knows exactly what you want to say if you couch it up in fancy justifications all the time, so just say it.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Flatbadger]

Just go into their room and take pictures, then post here
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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
You're in ISIS

[orac]

have you actually tried asking. without actually being there to see and hear how you ask its very hard to say. there are all sorts of thing that go into asking/persuading people to do things. some people respond to a passive aggressive "I require you to do X"

everytime you ask someone to do something is going to require a different way of asking, I mean everything from their personality, how many times have you asked them to do it, is this a work colleague, are you there manager, is this someone you live with in a shared accommodation, their age, how tired they are... the list goes one its very hard to be able to say how to make something better if every time is different, just learn how to read people and learn how they respond to different approaches. there are no hard and fast rules
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Current rides - 2016 Triumph Street Triple Rx, 1994 Suzuki Bandit 400 VM, TGB 204 Classic 125cc
"with nothing left to lose, there is everything to gain. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog"

[grr666]

Who cares if an underling thinks you're a cock?

Managers/supervisors that treat employees like pals get the piss taken out of them anyway, just in a different way.
My Mrs manages about a half dozen younger employees and went down the pally pally route and ended up
doing half of their work for them.
After I told her to start behaving like a boss and drag them across the coals when they fuck up instead
of just doing things herself, she started to get the respect she deserves.
She's much happier now and more importantly, when she tasks someone with a job it gets done quickly and
right, no messing. You're either a big chief or a little indian, you can't be both and besides, I've never taken on a job to
make friends, I couldn't care less what my staff thought of me when I used to manage a half dozen guys.
Just be firm and make sure failure gets the appropriate penalty every single time. No favourites.
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Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[Rogerborg]

[Wonko The Sane]

I've had two great managers;

First one would always ask me to do something - not 'do you mind…?' but a "once you're done with that task, can you…?" or "please…?" always felt like he respected me and that he wasn't asking me to do something he wouldn't do himself if he had to.

current manager also asks, often with direct instruction, expects me to make a decision and stick with it and often backs me on my decision but then explains what a better option would have been after the issue is resolved.

I guess I'm saying I appreciate being treated with respect by managers, not treated like a thick dumb ass
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[Dr. Quack]

Fckin nightmare them places - Sometimes communication doesn't work mate.

Get a flat or one/no more than two sharing.
Unscrupulous landlords packing people in like that will reap the wrath.

[Vincent]

You have to earn their respect.......13 pints on a Friday night out and table dancing with your trousers around your ankles usually works

I've always respected bosses that are willing to muck in and work as hard as, if not harder than everyone else.
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Space Is Deep

[hellkat]

So anyway ... now that we have all thrown a few random suggestions into the ring, perhaps you would care to enlarge a little upon your reasons for asking.

please
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Pete.]

My communication skills are great.

I TALK REALLY LOUD!!!!!
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a.k.a 'Geri'

132.9mph off and walked away. Gear is good, gear is good, gear is very very good

[WD Forte]

I keeps hittin people till they listens proper
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bikers smell of wee

[Vincent]

It's 20x easier dealing with staff as it is the general public....that's fer sure
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Space Is Deep

[Omega]

I just say "please could you do whatever". Sounds a bit like you're asking their permission but I think that's what makes it work. If someone makes a fuss then you can step back to "intimidate" mode.

[Slacker24seve...]

[Robby]

I stare at people until they do something to please me.

[Hefty]

1. Loved one.
2. Ransom.
3. ????
4. Profit..!!
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'13 Honda CBF125 // '99 Suzuki SV650s // '98 Honda CB600F Hornet

[Pete.]

[Ste]

[Sun Wukong]

[stinkwheel]

Make it clear this is a team job. Because it is. I sometimes work with moody teenage trainee vet nurses and you need to know how to handle them.

I won't say "Go get the otoscope from the consult room please.". I'll say "We could do with the otoscope through here please.". It feels like it was their idea to get the otoscope.

Instead of "Get the bitch spay kit ready". I say "Let's get the kit setup for the next operation.". Hey, we're both doing something.

Not "Get the next dog ready please.". Instead "Can you get the next dog on the table while I scrub up.". Again, both doing something.

In a similar vein, not "Clean the theater please". Say "I'm off to call a client, can you have theater prepped for when I'm finished and we'll start the next op?". Again, I'm busy, not sitting on my arse while you do menial jobs. We both have something to be getting on with.

Communication is important.

I won't say "Is the anaesthetic ok?". I'll say "Are we happy with the anaesthetic?". There can be half a ballpark between an anaesthetic being "ok" and someone being entirely happy with it.

That's nothing compared to getting accurate information out of a client which is like drawing teeth.
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“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[Sun Wukong]

Thanks Stinkwheel, all really helpful advice

Do you have a polite way to word "Remember when I said I would let you keep that pregnant cat, under duress, and you now have 4 kittens in your soon to be shared room... well when I asked you to keep it inside, I actually meant it. If that cats get pregnant again, all the cats will go. All of them. You can hand in your notice the same day if it upsets, I don't mind, I find you a pain to manage and the position you fill is popular - I'd have a replacement in a week."

Woke up this morning to the cat locked outside getting a good rogering from a local tom

The kittens I got dumped on me that she was meant to take care of, became a team effort, and then just became my issue. And now the cat is off roaming and going to be knocked up again... not happy about that. Not a great fan of the girl involved either, but the volunteers are so have to tread carefully.

If someone liked to get shit faced every night, or shag around, they'd be fired no question. Cat hording, somehow on the verge of socially acceptable. Mad.
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Top cat
"Hard times lead to hard people. Hard people lead to good times. Good times lead to weak people. Weak people lead to hard times." Smegballs
"Oh and STE balloons would be one of the nicer things we would receive at the office, the amount of dog turd in jiffy bags is not funny." Jsmith86

[hellkat]

Have the kittens drowned and the cat spayed.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[stinkwheel]

That doesn't need subtle comms. Cat hoarding is a mental illness. It needs tackling or it WILL get worse.

At the risk of being overly-American, I suspect you need to set up an intervention. There is a lot of info out there on how to do it and on the specific problem of cat hoarding.

The she-cat needs speying. This can be done any time, even if they are pregnant.

May be time to get an outside agency involved?
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.