Does this documentary teaser trailer work?

[gorillaonabik...]

I am an amateur film maker shooting a documentary on a subject I care deeply about and have a teaser trailer below. The teaser may be a piece of shit or it might be good. Because the subject is really close to my heart don't pull punches as I need to know if I've f@cked it up or if I've got it right.

https://vimeo.com/paulrwalker/review/136781401/91ae9ff515

The music is 'watermarked' hence the weird noises (I have to spend $400 USD buying it) but hope the watermark isn't too distracting. Will have to take it down on the 28th.

Is it any good? Is it shit? What do you think? I care about these guys (my mother was like this) so I'd really appreciate if you give it to me straight.

Thanks in advance.
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[Beehive Bedlam]

It's shit.

[Fisty]

Amateurish, nobody loses their body.
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Quietly and consistently taking the piss.
TL1000R | Hayabusa | ZXR400 | TL1000S | Bandit 400 V
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[Skudd]

Could be a bit snappier with the lost bits and a bit bigger font, was waiting for things to happen instead of them flashing before me and me wanting to know more. A bit quicker I think.
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Famous last words of Humpty Dumpty. " Stop pushing me "
Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm".

[MCN]

I can guess what the doco is about but then I know of other projects that offer support.
Perhaps the trailer needs a little more meat or even some gravy and less potatoes.

Some story 'detail' perhaps without ruining the suspense.



Off Topic:

You 'loose' your body if you are paralysed. FFS.

This forum membership is devoid or imagination.
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Ayrton]

Needs bigger font, the start should be a bit faster and i dont like the song much. Also scenes like the one in the car seem shaky as hell and dont look very good for a trailer, plus they dont really add anything.

[Robby]

A documentary about disability, and the trailer is full of epilepsy flashing.

It was shit, and the flickering has given me a headache.

[ScaredyCat]

Font needs to be bigger for the opening part.

Why are you playing the music in a bucket of water?

The "Bad TV" look doesn't help.

Needs more pace and/or drama for a trailer.

Have a look at audiojungle for music, you wont need to pay $400 for it, about $20 would give you something decent. Failing that try jamendo
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[CaNsA]

Audio was terribad.
Too much spaz inducing crap
OCD fuckers will hate you for not putting the awful text in the centre

[gorillaonabik...]

Thanks all, very useful. Will use trailer number 2.

Music is underwater because it's watermarked...
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FZR400 (blown engine), ZXR750 (blown engine), ZX6R (accident), CBR600 which had engine issues after which I learned to change gear..., CBR900, CBR924 (stolen), CB600, CB1300 (everything blew up), BMW K1300GT (written off, hit from rear while stationary), Bandit 1250 for a couple of months, Triumph Sprint ST 1050 (nicked) and somewhere in there, I wrote off a Ducati 748 at Cadwell.