What Grinds my gears archive B

[Polarbear]

[grr666]

*Autistic overshare warning*

That's true I did, accidents happen and it was an accident. I have since revised my post shower ear drying procedure
to ensure it doesn't happen again. I guess this means I'm not entitled to medical care because it was self inflicted. Okay
fair enough, using that model, let's get rid of all the help the NHS gives the obese, the heavy drinkers and drug abusers.
That'll save billions annually compared to the collective bill for misadventure via q tip. In any case, I'd have to get
seen by a doctor first before my particular health problem costs anyone else but me a thing. While we're at it, any
bikers that crash in any scenario involving excess speed on their own part can just lay in the road and bleed? If lucky
enough to rally around and not die somehow to also expect a bill for the bent lamp post and scratched tarmac?
Seems fair enough.

Perhaps the way to do that is to board a bus and get violent and abusive with the passengers until the police are
called like dozens of drunks and junkies randomly did years ago when I used to drive the things for a living. I'm sure this
has only become a far worse issue in the 30 odd years that have elapsed since that was how I earned a crust and
paid my NI and taxes in like a good little drone. Often they were led away with a blanket over their shoulders and the
sort of concern for their self inflicted plight that I can only dream of in my particular self inflicted predicament. Maybe I
should go and gob at a few pensioners or show my knob to a few schoolgirls? That seems to get you all manner of
concern and a private car ride to some medical care.

I've just quit smoking, 10 days cold turkey so far. I could have gone and got all sorts of free patches and lozenges
and whatnot via the NHS. Assuming I could have gotten past the daleks on reception of course. But I got myself
hooked on tobacco again, so I'll unhook myself at no extra cost to the taxpayer no additional burden to the 'close to
collapse and overstretched™' NHS. It seems like any time I need help from them I'm told to fvck off anyway so
I may as well just get myself through this.

I first quit completely for over 8 years after a 26 year habit. I restarted about 2 years ago after a particularly
difficult period in my life. A period of time during which I once again unsuccessfully tried to get help from the NHS.
I was having panic attacks, palpitations, depression and PTSD. All I wanted was something to help me sleep that
wasn't half a bottle of vodka and perhaps some form of counselling. What I got (after only getting an appointment
because I threatened suicide while on the phone in tears) was two minutes with the doctor, a fvcking leaflet on
depression and told there was a 17 week wait for counselling. Nothing to help me sleep, no anti depressants, absolutely
sweet F.A.

As you'd imagine this was no help whatsoever and I inevitably started drinking heavily, smoking a LOT of weed and
started up on the fags again trying to cope. Eventually I ended up paying £50 an hour for a private counsellor at
my own expense and blasted through almost a couple of grand trying to get my head and myself in general straight
again. Managed to get a handle on all the habits except that bastard tobacco and did continue to smoke for a further
two years, I re-became a heavy smoker very quickly indeed. The side effects of a cold turkey quit sure ain't pretty, I've
been so constipated it's ridiculous, I nearly passed out on the toilet only this morning, pushing too hard not only gets
my arse bleeding but my ear starts up again. It felt like a transit van reversed out of my arsehole with its back doors
open this morning after 40 minutes on the khazi and I've been in pain all day today. Thank god I don't have to turn up
to work with this problem and can stay at home. If I was working, I'd be off sick with this. And no, I'm not claiming
any benefits, I'm living off of my savings.

The constipation was an issue last time I quit which culminated in three weeks of constipation and an eventual
dump that was so big and horrific it ripped itself out a new exit which required reconstructive surgery. That was pretty
awful I can tell you and the period after the surgery was no picnic either. Again I only got a surgery date after a
private referral pushed me up the queue although the op was done on the NHS (Who cleverly prescribed codeine post
op, common side effect of that being constipation) so I had no pain relief beyond salt baths and a rubber ring to sit on.
No follow up appointments either, just sent packing with a wad of cotton wool jammed up my exhaust pipe, which
they said to leave there and to just poo it out when I was ready. I couldn't handle more than a few hours of having a
home made arse tampon jammed up my dirtbox and pulled that out shortly after returning home. Needless to say I became
constipated again and was a further fortnight before I could pass a stool, only made possible with a glycerine suppository
and having to take said dump in a bathtub full of hot salt water, two weeks of turd came out in a rather spectacular
fashion and left me with the grossest memory of my entire life, sitting there in a bath surrounded by LOADS of my own
shit as it continued to exit at high velocity. The cleanup was particularly unpleasant as well, scooping up literally
kilograms of it and lobbing it down the pan. Got through some bleach that day, scrubbed that bath for hours. The smell
of loads of two week old turd was something I'll never forget.


I fully expect this to happen again and was reluctant to quit because I knew it would. And it has, despite my best efforts to
eat lots of wet food, fibre and vegetables and fruit, here we are again. So yes, I'm not just being contrary, my experiences of
the NHS have been absolute garbage and I've often had to finance alternative methods to try and make myself better again.
That wouldn't be so bad if I could opt out of paying into it so that that money could actually go towards my own health care and
not just finance someone else's.
____________________
Currently enjoying products from Ford, Mazda and Yamaha
Ste wrote: Avatars are fine, it's signatures that need turning off.

[Ribenapigeon]

[stinkwheel]

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/lactulose/
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[grr666]

[stinkwheel]

This constipation story almost deserves its own thread.

I'm just waiting for the post where someone buys his old exhaust system and he shits with excitement and can't stop.
____________________
“Rule one: Always stick around for one more drink. That's when things happen. That's when you find out everything you want to know.”
I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

[grr666]

[hellkat]

Totally didn't need the image of you sitting in a bath whilst poohing uncontrollably, but at least I've stopped laughing enough to let you know that ... my Mum (83) recommends two ripe kiwifruit for constipation.
Should clear you right out.

Please note: Eat them, don't stick them up your poop chute.

*resumes giggling*
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[grr666]

[hellkat]

Brace yourself, I'm going in.

____________________
Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[grr666]

[recman]

Used to get a bit bunged up years ago, caused a bit of the farmers.
Since then it's been an apple, banana and a orange in my work lunchbox.
Never had a problem since.

[pepperami]

Oh Mr Grr666, your post did make me laugh .
Your descriptive writing and my imagination of the situation has had me in tears of laughter!
(A Transit van reversing out of your arse)

If you were trying to be serious, I’m sorry you failed .

Poo stories are always funny , but not for you at the time I guess.?

EDIT : You have my sympathy with your difficulties with the NHS.
My Local doctor is almost impossible to see.
____________________
I am the sum total of my own existence, what went before makes me who I am now!

[MCN]

I was in Nice for a week this summer. Loved it.
Last two days I contracted projectile diahoreahoee.
Ran for one day but bought some loperamide for the travel home.
I am certain i got it from eating the dried pork sausage they sell. It's sort of irresistible to a carnivore.
I was surprised because I generally have the constipation of a ox. Foreign muck never causes me any issue.

The auld compacted poo is not something I've ever complained of. I ensure my diet is fiber rich.
Fiber is a most important food. One must look after one's gut fauna and flora.
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Ribenapigeon]

There's always manual evacuation.

[grr666]

[MCN]

I understood that 'manual evac' requires a long spoon, not unlike a knickerbocker glory/sundae spoon. Followed by an enema. (1/2" ID hose up yer erse. Hose connected to a litre bag of warm sterile saline. And let a bit of gravity mix some gravy.)
Apparently, one sees one's past flowing down the pan when 'you go' after the procedure.

OK if the nurse is handsome I guess.
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Disclaimer: The comments above may be predicted text and not necessarily the opinion of MCN.

[Easy-X]

I've always gone with "never stick anything in your ear smaller than your elbow"

Upshot is no problems with ear infections or wax build up... in the last 50 years anyway.
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Royal Enfield Continental GT 535, Husqvarna Vitpilen 401, Yamaha XSR700, Honda Rebel, Yamaha DT175, Suzuki SV650 (loan) Fazer 600, Keeway Superlight 125, 50cc turd scooter

[Ste]

It's really easy get an appointment with my GP, the only issues I had yesterday with booking an appointment were that I didn't want one this week and I wanted a telephone appointment rather than one in person.

[chickenstrip]

Still not registered with a GP. 7 years and counting
____________________
Chickenystripgeezer's Biking Life (Latest update 19/10/18) Belgium, France, Italy, Austria tour 2016 Picos de Europa, Pyrenees and French Alps tour 2017 Scotland Trip 1, now with BONUS FEATURE edit, 5/10/19, on page 2 Scotland Trip 2 Luxembourg, Black Forest, Switzerland, Vosges Trip 2017
THERE'S MILLIONS OF CHICKENSTRIPS OUT THERE!

[pepperami]

[Nobby the Bastard]

[Ribenapigeon]

[to v or not to v]

@grr666
i would recommend giving Psyllium Husk powder a try.
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Moto Guzzi V7.

[recman]

An arse like a punched lasagne.

I'm going to struggle to get this into a conversation at work while keeping a straight face.