illegal bike security method?

[KevTM]

Right i've been bored at work and was thinking of more security ideas. Right no i have 3 chains on my bike and a disclock, security light and a bike cover (but no shed)... tomorrow i'm getting a rape alarm to attach to the bike cover but here's my idea..

"The Theif Fryer!" - basically a home-made flame-thrower activated upon the presence of a would-be theif. Would it be illegal? even if i had a notice saying something along the lines of "Danger - Stay Clear - Danger of Naked Flames"

Fuel Pump, 2 Cold Start Injectors, Car Battery, Fuel Tank and a Spark Plug.. all in a protected metal box inside the 'perimeter' but i don't know what the best method is to activate it? pressure pads? lightbeam breaker thingy?.. basically safe for passing dogs and cats (not so much the cats lol )

what yous think? ileegal? best type of activating device (PIR, pressure pad, Reed switch etc?)

i need your ideas lol

[tatters]

very illegal just like putting down man traps or AP mines.

you would be setting a trap with the intent to injure or kill.
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[Irezumi aka Reuben]

Manslaughter or attempted murder could be on your criminal record should it be successful I would imagine.
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Pictorgraphicalfantastical

[KevTM]

my initial thought was spraying water and maybe it would startle them or they'd think it's some harmful chemical but i got caried away

[JonB]

BWAHAHAHAAHAHA let;s put it this way at least film it!
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[epz]

i remember seeing a device which you could put a blank shot gun cartrage into a firing mechanism which went off if something were pulled, thats got to be more effective than an alarm but i think they banned it.

[KevTM]

[mr.z]

I'd seen a small gadget wich lives on your gate, gate is opened, hammer goes down on shotgun shell, purpetrator shats their pants and runs away thinking they are being fired at (it fires into the floor)

EDIT: arse weasels. beaten to it - still fireworks are perfectly legal?

Only way to do bodyly harm to a would be theif is with a big angry dog, you can't be held responsible for what your dog is maiming while your sleeping
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>RidingSkills<->Tech Tips<->MyBikes<

[california_rookie]

I've heard a lot of crazy ideas over the years, yet no one has ever suggested using Lo-Jack. Honestly. With some of the reasonably bright minds we've got on here, I'm sure someone would be able to find a place to hide the transmitter where thieves won't be able to find it. Is $500 too high a price to pay to ensure you get your bike back in a maximum of 24 hours or your money back?
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[VTR SP1]

I imagine that every morning you would wake up so a selection of roasted cats.

SP1

[Section59]

Don't think i have to tell you which one i voted for

And theres too many cats in this world, a few less wont do any harm.

[Suzuki]

LMAO @ the roasting cats!

There's a picture on the internet somewhere of a guy in South Africa who'd rigged up a similar system on his car.

Basically, he had gas jets pointing up from under the side-skirt of his car, which unless disactivated, would go off when the door handle was pulled...
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[feef]

[map]

I know there was such a device that could be fitted to cars in South Africa before aparteid ended. Basically there were so many car jackings at junctions that cars were fitted with pipes down either side under the doors. If someone approached the car then hit a switch and petrol or gas was ignited and fired out each side roasting any attacker.

For a legal solution try a blank cartridge alarm.
There's some details here and better pics here
..there's details of an electronic activated one here (pdf file)
and someone has invented a different type using shotgun cartridge - details here.
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[beefcake]

You can buy a trip wire gadget from Tescos (its only cheap too). If you trip the wire, an alarm goes off. Fix the alarm where it can't be seen, tie the trip wire around the back wheel or swing arm, when the bike is moved, trip wire releases a pin from the alarm and activates it. If you didn't want to do that, you could always set it up each night behind your garden gate so that any thieving scrotes set the alarm off before they get near your pride and joy.
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Gotta get my knee down...

[Milo]

It's all well and good until your nephew wonders what the sign's for and goes to investigate...
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Shaft drives rule.

[MonkReadusuk]

IMO u should be legally aloud to shoot or mame anyone who tries to steal your stuff. As long as your sure they are, then who cares, they deserve a good kicking, or maybe just kneecap them That'll teach them
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-Monk-

[Zero-G]

[MonkReadusuk]

[KevTM]

Kitten Tikka Masala


I like the blank cartridge system, that outta scare 'em away if nothing else will, should wake up the neighbours too! might look into that.

I've thought about the trip wire around the bike also, not a bad idea and will probably set that up soon.

Maybe if i have a sign saying:

"If You Do Not Nick This Bike i Will Reward You With a Bottle of Fortified Wine A.K.A. Buckfast"

they might turn themselves in for a kick in the teeth, domestic style.

[Itchy]

[epz]

[KevTM]

if you have an old PayAsYouGo phone and sim you can track where your mobile is on the net for little £.. simple method and will track anywhere in the uk..

you can get small phones cheap enough these days to hide somewhere.

[ZRX61]

get one of those brass anti-poacher shot guns, about half the size of a fag packet, farmers used to screw em to trees & attach the trip wire to another tree, poacher hits the wire & gets kneecapped by the blast. Illegal as all hell, but you occassionally find em in woods near farms screwed to trees, look about knee height....

[ZRX61]

If yer going with an alarm rig the wires to an electric det theatrical *maroon" instead, literally sounds like a bomb going off....