Crashing, death, parts of life, but do you think about them?

[NSR125-Kid-UK]

I remember when I first started riding, bikes like the SR125 scared me, I used to sit on one shaking, feeling the bike vibrate and I remember feeling "this bike will do as it wishes if I treat it wrong"...

...during my CBT(s) the SR proved to be an adversary rather than a partner. I must be the only person to wheelie the SR, the only person to make the brakes squeal. I didn't know that the SR was as low as it got, to me, the SR was a metal demon, a "motorbike", that my parents always told me was a deathdrap... On the final occasion when I did pass my CBT, I sat frozen to the seat, not daring to take my hands from the bars, not even to close my visor, lest I crash..

...I passed my cbt and rode around on peds. While the peds were low powered, whizzing around, sat upright at just under 40mph seemed totally unnatural and scary to me. I always thought of myself as a person perched on top of a volatile unpleasant handling two wheeler, a turbo bicycle if you like, and I was never any good at riding those....

Of course, as people do, I eventually had my first crash, and I came unscathed out of it, shaking with adrenaline so much that I was laughing too much to realise I'd even crashed.
That's my problem. People react in different ways to shock. For me, Adrenaline sends me dizzy, it makes me giddy, If I cheat death by inches, I'm more likely to be sat at the side of the road laughing than I am shaking...

I guess that's where my natural survival instincs have become supressed, rather than freaking out that I crashed, I sit there and laugh that I survived it. I remember my first crash on my NSR, I got pulled by the police and given a producer, and my first thing I did when I got home was to post about how much fun I had getting shouted at by the police, proudly displaying my battle scars, both on my sliders and the bike

While most of the older riders freaked out at my being "proud of crashing", plenty of the BCF regulars regarded it as a normal progression, something that vaguely alarmed me at the time, but what now seems to be a normal attitude.

So I carried on riding the NSR, I was timid for a while, until I met who was soon to become my best pal.

Lee - L££01 - The closest friend I've ever had in a fellow rider taught me everything I needed to know about confidence. On his RS50 he was amazing, he didn't give a stuff if he crashed, he'd crashed before and he always got up again. On the NSR I was a timid little girl, scared to lean it, scared to go fast...

...One day, Our mutual friend, Sean Higgins crashed. At less than 20mph he had (what appears to be) a fit/heart attack brought on by a genetic condition. He didn't even hit the road hard, he should have got straight up. But instead, at 18 years old, he died in the back of the ambulance, for reasons other than his injuries caused during the crash.

For me and Lee, that was it. We resolved to become much closer than we had been, knowing that we could take nothing, especially not our friendship, for granted. Lee was just as fast as he had ever been, but as time went on I found myself getting faster. Sean died at 20, so if I crashed, why shouldn't I have been going faster? If 20 can kill you, what's the harm in doing 50?

Lee and I became closer, occasionally, Irdawood (another BCFer) would ride around with Lee. I still remember Lee being so timid as he very VERY carefully rode Irfaan's derestricted R6 (lee had an RS50 at this time) up my drive - VERY carefully.

Eventually though, Lee's RS50 got nicked, but he already had a replacement in line.
The Aprilia RS250. Lee fell in love with that bike, and one day, the day of my 20th, he got it. I remember him being down in bedford, picking a mint 1996 Chesterfield up from a private seller., He brought it back up , amazing condition, with a load of free track bodywork. I remember the first time I tried to race him on the NSR - I broke my clutch in the process.

Lee loved his RS250 and I was certain I'd never catch up with him until I got the same bike, Lee and I had already promised each other we'd get an RS250 each.

I'd get pissed at his house, he'd sit on the NSR, I'd sit on his RS and we'd discuss the bikes, and I always pointed out how much I loved his bike.

One time, Irfaan came round on his R6 (lee had spent the past few weeks really annoying me and being a bit of a git). and we waited for Lee to come round on his RS250.

He never showed up.

I spoke to Irfaan, who looked at his phone, presumably reading his messages, and he confirmed that Lee said he wouldn't be coming.
the last communication I ever had from Lee was "I'll be at yours for 2". The last words I ever said, while I thought he was still alive, was "i'm glad he's not coming, he's been a bit of a git recently".

A day or so later, I got the news, Lee had crashed. Fearing the worst, I asked my pal steve (the same mate who informed me of Sean's crash) how he was.
"He's dead" came the reply.
"Right" I said
"We're at Lee's house"
"I'll be right round"
"Right". And I hung up.

I told my family and got on the NSR. I was shaking with, I don't know what, anger? rage? adrenaline or simple suicidal destructiveness?
I rode the NSR so hard to his house that when I went over [a popular bump] on the way to his house, both wheels left the floor and I nearly crashed on the way back down.

I remember seeing his family, Gaz, Tammy and Karen, all good friends, crying. I could never imagine what any of them were going through at the time, ever.
In time, Lee's funeral came, and I gave him his final wish, to have lots of bikes on his sendoff.
But as time went on and on,and the pain from his funeral began to abate (albeit slightly) mortality began to pray upon my own mind.

I began to miss Lee more and more until barely an hour went by without me thinking about him. I'd wake up in the middle of the night shaking from some terrible recollection of his crash. They say he was killed instantly, but what if he wasn't?
What if my best friend died alone, scared and in pain, miles from his friends? What would I have given to save him from that?

Time went on, and eventually I couldn't get his crash out of my mind.

When would I crash, where would I crash, what would I crash into? how will I die?.

Despite Sean's death, despite Lee's death, I have continued to ride faster and faster, harder and with less safety margin. I say despite, maybe it's "as an effect of".

I rag the RS to within an inch of its life now, because I know that I wouldn't want to crash doing anything less than full speed. I wouldn't want to die doing anything less than riding as close to the edge as I could.
You only live once, and I for one don't want to be the poor fool who has a car pull out on him, and through no fault of his own ends up being buried.

I guess what's really brought this on;

On the way to work today, I screamed down the dual carriageways, and came to one of the roundabouts where I saw flashing blue lights. I immediatley felt my stomach turn and I thought "it's not is it?" As I rode round, I saw it was exactly what I thought it was - A Bike crash. A commuter propped up at the side of the road, with an immobile rider laid on a stretcher in the center of the roundabout, two paramedics leaning over him, his helmet still on.

I later learned that the entire road was closed off. As far as I know, that only ever happens for fatal accidents. I don't know whether I rode past a dying biker today, all I did at the time was slow down, give him a respectful salute, cross myself and ride on. But for 30 seconds I swear I felt sick to my stomach, wondering If I'd just watched a dying rider struggling to take his last breaths.

I was late for work at the time, so, still shaking I had no choice but to throttle the RS until I got to work, barely on time, but the sight preyed on my mind for the rest of the day.

I've been getting on the RS recently, and I've been shaking before I get on it.
Once I get on the bike, I'm fine, in fact, once I get on it, to say I push on a bit is an understatement, I'll ride the RS like an RCV, screaming it round the corners and shooting past cars...

But I'll pull out to accelerate cars, jam the throttle open and the bike will surge forwards, and I'll think to myself, "have I met my match?"

Is the RS going to be the bike that finally kills me?
It's got to the stage where I ride with my last words, will and testament in my Wallet. Every time I ride the RS, I half expect not to arrive at my destination. Every hour of my life is dominated with visions of crashes, trucks, smashed barrieds, I've even woken up in the night shaking, from dreams of my own death.

I will not stop riding and I will not slow down. I know that one day I will probably suffer a similar fate to the rider I saw today, if not the same fate as Lee.
But I love biking too much to stop.

I have accepted that biking will one day kill me. And that fact is in the back of my mind every time I ride. Every time I ride past a truck I think "what would have happened if I had a blowout and I'd have ended up under him?"

Every time I struggle to break to a roundabout, I think "what if my brakes weren't as good and I'd have slid onto the roundabout in front of that truck?"

Every time I ride, I half expect to be killed, and I'm used to it.

Does anyone understand what I mean?
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https://www.bikepics.com/members/nsrandy/96rs250/ My Bike!

"I'm either going to teach andy to get his knee down, or I'm going to get him killed. One of the two" - Teaman

[0ddball]

Also available in paperback and talking audio book.
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ZXR750L

[Rookie]

No.

You seem to have some extremely complex issues surrounding bikes, brought on by your friends death.

[18_stuart_88]

[mistergixer]

To a certain extent, yes.
gautama Buddha described the 3 woes of mankind as old age, sickness and death. Marvin Gaye described it as taxes, death and trouble. The Hagakure states: Leave the gates, the enemy is waiting, step out from under the eaves, and you are a dead man.
Whilst it is a sorry fact that your friends have died unexpectedly, they were inevitably expected to die.
Thank god it wasn't you, and that you were allowed to sustain your own miserable existence.

____________________
Space Monkey #7
Don Eladio is dead. His capos are dead. You have no one left to fight for. Fill your pockets and leave in peace. Or fight me and die!
Mistergixer's videos on YouTube

[freestyler_onli]

I understand spot on what you mean.

At the hospital today (i went to have my wrist looked at again) i was reading my file about my accident i had and it shocked me at what i read. I dont remember a thing yet i wouldnt let them put on a neckbrace/headstrap/leg strap etc..... and i even attacked the paramedics who saved my life!


I know what you mean about how you feel when riding.

I've had to have a long think myself about where i stand. I now go out on the bike thinking that if i die then so be it.

I explained to people that im no longer scared of dying and that if i do go-i'd want it to be on a bike.

There's another thing i subconsciously remember about my accident about tunnels and white lights etc.........but that freaks me out.

I think this is where my 'no fear' comes from. I came so close to death-im no longer afraid of it.

I understand that when passing a truck i think 'Is this my time?' and if not, then i feel relieved.

It's a weird feeling to have but at the end of the day, i cant do anything about it.

Dont worry-you'll be fine!

[NSR125-Kid-UK]

That's my point.
I'm not worried.
I should be, but I'm not.
____________________
https://www.bikepics.com/members/nsrandy/96rs250/ My Bike!

"I'm either going to teach andy to get his knee down, or I'm going to get him killed. One of the two" - Teaman

[Claud 14.7 to 1]

I had that feeling when I was noobish and a danger on the road . Felt like on any ride I could stack it (and in reality, I think this wasn't far off the truth).

Now I have more experience, have a lot less close calls, less doubt in your mind. You feel better. I do as I value my life.

Ease up, and do some track days. Not as if you wouldn't be able to afford it. Better, more fun, safer.

[ZRX61]

FFS, put a fucking sock in it

[Claud 14.7 to 1]

Let the boy voice his mind

[Rookie]

Maybe there should be an 'NSR-Kid-UK's rants' section?

[sanchezz_182]

I know what you mean about the shakes,, is weird I don’t feel nervous or scared to go on the bike but as im putting on my bike gear an opening the garage its as if im cold. Could be adrenalin, in which case I wouldn’t worry about it.
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no sig, thats gay!!

[0ddball]

It's usually the good people with everything to live for that get taken first. I'm a cunt with not a lot to lose so i'm not really worried.

I take certain precautions like slowing down on corners with mud/gravel and don't overtake recklessly (much), other that that i don't give it a second thought.

If someone's scared of riding, buy a car.
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ZXR750L

[veeeffarr]

Andy...

Go see a damn councillor... You know yourself it's a fucked up way to be... You might feel fine preparing to die every ride, but I'm sure that's not the way the 8 year old child twats like you invevitably hit want to go.

[ZRX61]

[18_stuart_88]

Just read it all their mate!

I feel for you, seems a bit like your going through a tough tme of it.

Sorry to hear about Lee and Sean!

By you constantly ragging your RS i would maybe say your trying to be with your friend like an early grave in a sence. If anything you should learn from this and be a slower more caucious rider! Live a long life as a biker and go on to teach fellow younger ones!

Ride safe and chin up mate!

All the best

Stu
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Make: Honda NSR 125 R Year: 2004 Colour: Black And Silver - Died on December 18th 2005, Layed to rest December 30th 2005 :(Make: Aprilia RS 125 Year: 2000 Colour: Black And Red - Derestricted Sold!
Make: Suzuki GSXR 600 SRAD Year: 1998 Colour: Red - White - Blue
Pic of My New Bike!!

[Fire_Eyes]

NSR Kid, maybe your going fast as a result of your friends accidents and I don't really think that's a good idea. Maybe you should take things easy for a while, see a doctor or something about it and leave bikes for a while.
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Kawasaki ZZR 400 | K5 GSX-R 600

[NSR125-Kid-UK]

I couldn't leave bikes even in the incredibly unlikely event that I wanted to. I commute 22 miles every day.
I've done fine every day since may, there's no reason why I can't continue to do so .
____________________
https://www.bikepics.com/members/nsrandy/96rs250/ My Bike!

"I'm either going to teach andy to get his knee down, or I'm going to get him killed. One of the two" - Teaman

[NSR125-Kid-UK]

[mchaggis]

[LUXY DJ]

yea but you said bout your m8 died going 20mph(ok it was a diff reason Y) but BREEZING along aint gonna deffo kill you straight out!! more then likey yeah but still not a deffo!!

& you might not die!....BUT be COMPLETELY fucked up! so i think you need 2 be vigalante(sp) obviously you've had some MAD times & your kinda like "boy wernt that long ago i was starting out in all this shit & chatting to lee about it" but if you like riding THAT much then try(&want) to ride 4 longer a.k.a STAY ALIVE!

iv had feelings off lorrys coming other way & thinking "BOY if i sway,get a blow out,have 2 dodge,etc im a gonna & will i go SO quick" even tho my body shows 2 paramedics that im dead i still might not be but the 1 life we DO get just live it out as long as poss cause we dunno if there IS a after life so get as much outta this 1 as you can. its bad enough nowadays NOT being on a bike 2 still survive i LOVE bikes but i wanna be able 2 ride them as long as poss even tho i LOVE ripping it i just hope that this isnt the last time i DO

like its said above keep chin up as you've obviously been thro some SHIT! that will bring you down but just think fuck leaving this life JUST yet & SOLDIER on if not 4 you then 4 your fallen boys

SHIT BOY! i aint writ that much in AGES now how am i suppose to ride my gixxer now! when youve just made me KILL my hands/wrist


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GSXR750
(FAR FAR from standard) www.gixerjunkies.net

[colin1]

Nsr kids bit was a bit melodramatic
its quite simple really if you dont ride to your limits or the bikes limts, you wont die. There is a nice sign at the cat and fiddle which says something like 'ride like a twat and you'll die'.

Ive not done a trackday yet but I think claud has the right idea. You can push it a bit more on the track and still be safe.

The rs250 is basically a road going track bike so it wd be criminal not to do a track day at some point.

I have no intention of dying so I dont ride like a twat (very often). If it happens, it happens but Im not gonna worry about it and Im not gonna have some fatalisitc appointment with death nonsense. The only time I will try to ride beyond my ability is on a mini moto track and I dont take unnecessary risks. Fear is nature's way of telling you to slow down, get in touch with your inner coward, as you wont ride as well when tense or scared. You can always build up the speed again when you get used to it.

I dont like pain, maybe I shd carry painkillers in case of an accident, but I guess that could get in the way of diagnosing injuries.
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[Fire_Eyes]

Think about this:

You want your parents and friends to go through what you went when you lost Lee and your other buddy?

If you hit someone and you die imagine what he would feel like, what if he had a son or daughter in his car. How would they feel?

I understand different people have different ways to get over things and different prospectives abotu riding and it's dangers. But you can't guarantee that you'll die instantly on an accident. Some people crash at 20 and die, others crash at 100 and live. Live your life mate, enjoy the best of it, and enjoy everything with everyone that cares about you.

I'm pretty sure if Lee were still alive he wouldn't like what you think about this whole thing.

Ride safe!
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Kawasaki ZZR 400 | K5 GSX-R 600

[JonT]

Ride slowly and carry a cyanide pil?

[yorkshirelad3]

This thread has really got me thinking, I have no worries about anything. My view is if i die i die, if i become a veggie then thats what was planned for me. Simple.

I dont worry as i get on my bike, i dont panick as i overtake a bus or truck. I just do it.

On a ride down some the the back lanes near my house (i call them the 125 lanes as anything bigger would be a chore round them, they are like 5 foot wide with hedge rows all round) i came to a junction between two of the said back lanes, needing to turn right the hedge makes it a blind junction, i pipped my horn, and went for it, suddenly i have got vauxhall corsa in my face, i wacked the throttle open and just got round him. I nodded at the driver who apologiesd (he was doing more that the 30 limit! and it does tell you that theres a hidden junction). I didnt get any sick feeling, i didint worry, just plodded along as i was doing to start with.

Now heres my point, whats more destructive, riding like its your last ever time, and you are going to die, or riding as if it doesnt matter, each day is new, each day is worth living, if i wanna ride i ride, if i dont i dont.

I really dont know, are the two one of the same?

After my accident earlier in the year, number 43 or 45 on the spill counter, I had slid on the white markings in the road on a wet day, the bike had slid to a hault but i slid into the back of a car, after opening my eyes, i checked the rear bumper of the car and picked up my bike, assessd the damage, got on and rode a little faster because i was late for the football game i was going too.

I have not yet lost a friend through a bike accident, i have not yet lost a friend! Im lucky in that respect, but i feel that if any of my riding buddies did go down, i wouldnt stop riding how i do becuase i know that they wouldnt want me too. I do know how NSR feels, good times have been spent riding with my mates, getting the tents packed on, riding to some field, chaining them up, sat round the fire having a laugh, listining to music and basically just living life.

Dont know what points iv got across here, but its worth the post.

Yorks