Another Boyfriend Question

bindy · Borekit Bruiser Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Karma :

Sorry If I have already asked this question but I just cant remember if I have or not. Alzhiemers disease and all. Anyway, heres the story, been with boyfriend for 3.5 years. Im 25 hes 23 nearly 24. He lives with a mate and I live at home to pay for uni. We lived together last year but broke up, well I had to leave cause he got in with the wrong crowd and bad shit happened. Now we live apart, and it seems he only wants to see me every second night. WE both go to uni, but he never wants to meet up with me there, says hes studying all the time. He comes around late, and usually dosent even stay the night. Is that normal? Surely after a few years we should be seeing more of each other? He loves me, but if a guy loves a girl shouldnt he want to see her more often? Plus he never organises for us to go away anwhere, so I always have to end up asking him. Thoughts?

msgander · Brolly Dolly Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Karma :

I can understand where you are coming from, but it sounds like you just need some good old reassurance.

In the end it comes down to quality not quantity. Fortunately my man now lives with me and my little girl but if he didnt I'd be blissfully happy just to see him when we both found the time.

Maybe he is studying in the evenings or just plain mr sensible and whats to get his head down and sleep? Or maybe he is trying to take things slowly since you had the break up last time you lived together.

Have you tried talking to him? He may have some points of why he doesnt want to see you every night?

You are both young and hopefully both have a good circle of friends, I'd enjoy uni and let him breathe a bit and the saying goes, if you love something "set it free" (give him his space if he wants it) and he'll come running round!

The more you pressure him (not saying you do but being a female myself lol), the more he will back off and spend less time......

Good luck! Thumbs Up

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bindy · Borekit Bruiser Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Karma :

thanks, but I hardly pressure him at all. I just want what every other girlfriend seems to have. I have tried to talk to him, he is hopeless to talk to. Crap. Its like he has no emotional intelligence, or just dosent understand what i want no matter how simply I try to explain it. Does your boyfriend do romantic things for you? Just asking because he dosent really or hasnt really ever done anything to sweep me off my feet either.

veeeffarr · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :

Hooky · Trackday Trickster Joined: 05 Feb 2004 Karma :

Dump him, plenty of decent blokes out there Wink

He is simply not a decent fella (go for a nice bloke + 30 Very Happy

)

Harold_Shand · World Chat Champion Joined: 07 Jun 2004 Karma :

He loves smoking weed and is probably seeing someone else.

Classic symptoms. I thankyou.

Dr Shand.

Face the music and dance. Thumbs Up

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Harold_Shand's theory might be the best explanation.

killa · Won't Shut Up Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Karma :

I wish you posted more often doc, PMSL.

Peace
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yambabe · World Chat Champion Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

I want to agree with Sticky, I really do.

BUT.

Taking off the rose-tinted specacles this is what I see.

Your bf comes round when he feels like, has sex and leaves again.

That seems to be the extent of your relationdhip. You don't like his friends, you don't do stuff together and you can't live together. Confused

Not good.

Hard to give a real answer without knowing either of you personally, but from a purely objective point of view I would love to know what, apart form the sex, you actually get out of this relationship? Is the sex totally mindblowing?

Dump him. Thumbs Up

If you don't find someone else and you miss the sex get a vibrator. Thumbs Up

You appear to be worth far more than the value this guy puts on you.
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akaDAVE · World Chat Champion Joined: 01 Sep 2005 Karma :

I must agree it sounds like he is taking the p!ss and you can never rule out the possibility that he may be seeing someone else.
He apparently wants to remain independant, keeping you at arms length during the day and then only coming to see you on his terms when it suits. You don't ever pop round to see him?

Tell him you get the impression that the relationship is too much hard work for him.
You have to confront the situation and pull back to see if he still really wants to continue the relationship. It sounds like he is adhering to an obligation like a part time job rather than a girlfriend.
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lozzypop1 · Certified MILF! Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Karma :

karen_moomin · World Chat Champion Joined: 11 Apr 2004 Karma :

I agree with Babyyam.

It's one sided and on his terms. You'll never be truly happy unless he wants the same things as you.

Maybe he might even realise what he's missing if you take the initiative and dump him.

danzai66 · Scooby Slapper Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Karma :

i used to do that to a girlfriend at Uni.

i did it because i could and it wasn't fair on her.

the word 'love' should be banned and anyone using it without written permission should have their elbows pulled through their eyebrows.

it's far too easy to abuse.

move on...
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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

He's not your boyfriend, he's a fuck buddy. either deal with it on those terms or dump him. Rolling Eyes

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

i think this is all a bit harsh

they dont see each other every day but some ppl are boyfriend and girlfriend and dont see each other more than twice a week

i think not living in each others pockets can keep things alive a bit

you want to see more of him and for it to feel more special, he likes it the way it is and he hangs out with his mates a lot

this doesnt mean he has no emotional intelligence it just means he doesnt want to do what you want.

you may well find someone who willl do things they way you want and it may be worth ending this relationship but if you do that its because its what you want and you want to get it. Not necessarily because he should give you what you want or that he doesnt love you.

You may well break his heart if you set out to find the kind of relationship you want but dont make him the baddy to make you feel better. It sounds like he already has the kind of relationship he wants.
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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

dont worry i was very gentle
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bindy · Borekit Bruiser Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Karma :

I can see where you got the sex idea from, because I said he comes around late, (I meant like after dinner, as opposed to during the day), and we dont have sex that much, maybe twice a week. Its nothing to do with sex at all. We have great sex, but we never have any issues around sex, and he has never cheated as far as I know, hes not a cheating kind, but then again you never know that either! ahhh. Too complex. Anyway. I was kind of just wanting to know how much you other boys saw there girlfriends so I could make some comparisons??

Hes not a bad guy or anything, he just needs to be more romantic, and see me more. He came and stayed last night for instance, but I had to ask him, then I saw him during the day for couple of hours, but its like im really shit at being a girl, as in letting men chase me. If i want something or if I want to see someone I will just ring them, but in doing that, I make myself become unappreciated in a way because im always there. I need to be meaner!

msgander · Brolly Dolly Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Karma :

Irezumi aka Reuben · Carrot Top Joined: 28 Sep 2004 Karma :

colin1 · Captain Safety Joined: 17 Feb 2005 Karma :

for my next girlfriend i want someone i see only twice a week

i lived with a girl for two and a half years and near the end, we werent spending quality time with each other, as when one wanted attention, the other didnt

i suggested making an appointment for us to spend quality time together but she didnt think she shd have to make an appointment when she lives with someone

i think just seeing someone occasionally means you only see them when you want to and you dont have to be with them when you arent giving them attention.
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ZRX61 · Victor Meldrew Joined: 05 Nov 2003 Karma :

m99dws · World Chat Champion Joined: 09 Jun 2004 Karma :

IronMaiden · Trackday Trickster Joined: 15 Nov 2005 Karma :

I suggest you kick him to the curb, he is making no effort.

A sure way of knowing if he is just not that into you anymore is if he makes lots of lame excuses as to why he can't spend more time with you.

If he is into you, he would make time no matter what.

Good Luck Smile

EDIT/ Hey...! what happened to my "Scooby Slapper"? Now I'm a "Trackday Trickster" ? What the hell?

msgander · Brolly Dolly Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Karma :

veeeffarr · Super Spammer Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Karma :