Iffy situation...

mr.z · World Chat Champion Joined: 04 Feb 2004 Karma :

(i'll try and keep this short)
A Year or so ago my best mate got married..
She seemed ok at first, i thought she was a bit iffy but she made my mate happy so what does it matter... they had a baby girl, she went a bit weird, and then decided she was going to bugger off whith this other bloke she used to see, eventually he moves out with his little girl, sort out a divorce setlement, so hes a single parent.. incredably they get on ok enough, but only for the sake of the littleun..

Now this other guy has pissed off and (supprise, whod have thought that wouldn't work) she wants him back..

He said hes going to give it another go to see if it works...

Ive said, as bluntly as i can, its a shit idea, i dont agree with it, hes risking his daugher being fucked about for one thing and him for another, a cheating backstabing biarch like that deserves no more chances..

I'm not looking for advice, just wonder if anyones been in a similar situation, it would suck to loose him as a friend (ive been his best mate for 10 years), but i can't just not say anything..

(best mate of my girlfriends brother was seeing this complete bint, utter twat she is, she got pregnant on purpose so now hes trapped, he really dosn't like her, but hes stuck now, leading a miserable existance with this trampess.. seeing that is very disturbing)
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andrea · World Chat Champion Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Karma :

I value my friends because of their honesty - it's not always nice to hear, but it's for the best. I think you should tell him how you feel, why you are worried etc. But then at the end of the day you have to understand that he will make his own decision, and just be there for him when it all ends in tears, hopefully he'll see sense and take your advice. Thumbs Up

Katie · Spanner Monkey Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Karma :

There's nothing with wrong with telling your friend your opinions and that you don't agree with what he's going to do. However, if he has told you he would like to give it another go, and you continue to tell him it's wrong, that's when you'll start to fall out. All you can do is give your advice, but he has to make his own decision in the end. Be there for him, and if/when it does go wrong with his ex, he will know he has a top mate there for him, who stood by him, and supported him all along. And you can't put a price on that.

Sometimes we can see situations our friends are in as clear as anything, but it's suprising how much the person in the situation can't see what we can. We've all been there. He has to make his own mistakes, just make sure he knows that you're there. It's frustrating when we want to save people we care about heart ache and have to bite our tongues, but sometimes, it's for the best.

Although I wouldn't advise against going back to his Ex, it is understandable why he wants to try and make it work. Once children come into the equation, people will put themselves at alot more personal risk if they think it can benefit thier child. It's only natural that he is wiling to take the risk of getting hurt, if it means there is a chance he can offer his daughter a family home with both her parents.

Obviously it won't be good for thier little girl if they are rowing all the time because she is being unfaithful again, he must be willing to accept the fact that he would have to take himself and his daughter away from that situation should it arise.
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Kaben · World Chat Champion Joined: 09 Mar 2005 Karma :

If they got back together and then, say in 12 months time, she decided to bugger off again, would she have any say in who gets to keep the daughter?
It could be one of her motives.
Im not sure how social services would look at that, but it generally goes in the mums favour.

Just to put another possible spin on it.

Kaben
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mr.z · World Chat Champion Joined: 04 Feb 2004 Karma :

Thats exactly what i'd thought actually.. i'm not 100% the divorce has gone through or not..

There is however certain information i have which would make very sure she didn't get custody..

The thing is its now very clear shes to be trusted about as far as i could throw a russian tank, which shoudl be clear to him, but i think the possible reconsiation non beng alloneness is whats clouding his undersatnding of the situation...

At the same time, i'd be supprised if the "ohh i'm not a psycho harpy" act lasts more than a week... just hes goign to feel like a dick, his daughter is going to end up damaged psycologicaly and hes going to have to rebuild his life again (and right now hes doing ok)

Neutral

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