You know you are a real biker when....

[IronMaiden]

YOU KNOW APE HANGERS ARE NOT ALL AT THE ZOO.
YOU'VE EVER SIPHONED GAS FROM YOUR LAWNMOWER TO PUT IN YOUR MOTORCYCLE.
YOU BUY YOUR JEWELLERY AT THE HARDWARE STORE.
YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKING IS FULL OF BIKE PARTS.
YOU WONDER WHY THERE ISN'T A HAIR STYLE CALLED "THE HELMET HEAD"
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DON’T HAVE AFTERSHAVE THAT SMELLS LIKE BURNT RUBBER.
YOU'VE EVER GOT A LETTER OF RECOGNITION FROM A BEER COMPANY.
YOU'VE EVER FINANCED A TATTOO.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON A CASE OF OIL AS “THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN”.
THE NEIGHBOURS STARTED A PETITION OVER LOUD PIPES.
YOU CAN'T TELL THE COLOUR OF YOUR BIKE BECAUSE OF THE DIRT.
YOU HAVE BUGS IN YOUR BEARD.
YOU'VE BEEN INVOLVED IN A CUSTODY FIGHT OVER A MOTORCYCLE.
YOUR WIFE HAS EVER SAID "COME MOVE THIS TRANSMISSION SO I CAN TAKE A BATH."
YOUR BABY'S FIRST WORDS ARE, "I ONLY HAD ONE BEER OFFICER"
YOU HAVE BEEN TO A WEDDING RECEPTION AT BRANDSHATCH.
YOU THINK A THREE PIECE SUIT IS A LEATHER JACKET, JEANS AND A BIKER T-SHIRT.
OTHER BIKERS BACK DOWN FROM YOUR MAMA.
YOU HAVE MORE THAN TWO FRIENDS NAMED BUDDY, BUBBA OR BULLDOG.
THERE HAS EVER BEEN CRIME SCENE TAPE AROUND YOUR MOTORCYCLE.
YOU OWN TWO GOOD CARS AND STILL RIDE YOUR BIKE TO WORK IN WINTER.
YOUR FAVOURITE T-SHIRT IS OFFENSIVE IN MOST COUNTRIES.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN SEX WAS SAFE AND MOTORCYCLES WEREN'T.
YOU THINK RECYCLING MEANS RIDING HOME FROM WORK.
A NIGHT ON THE TOWN INCLUDES JAIL.
THERES A PUDDLE OF OIL IN YOUR DRIVEWAY YEAR ROUND.
YOU HAVE MASON JARS FULL OF STUFF SCOTLAND YARD CAN'T IDENTIFY.

[Tim..]