My misadventures

[Ste]

Mention bout this stuff in another thread so thought I'd post the rest.

Since 14th december I've had the enjoyment of being in psyciatric hospitals. Day before that I took a kinda big overdose which ended taken by paramedic with blue lights and sirens all the way. Kinda all goes blank then, dont really know what happened other than someone took my clothes, I must still have been with it then enough to put up an arguement to stop them cutting them off.

And it starts again the next day on some high dependancy unit feeling really dizzy and high. Wanting to go to the toilet was when I found I was very 'drnk' from the tablets, 1 a day tablets that I took 170 of. Felt like shit and was told I'd being discharged in the afternoon after being seen by some psyciatrist. Who saw me and decided I had to go to a psyciatric hospital or I'd be sectioned and made to go there, so I went without being sectioned. Got taken there, still feeling drunk, now able to walk in a drunken stagger.

Got there and it seemed very normal, no straight jackets to be seen and the other patients seemed normal enough. very meh, had an ECG done which was done several times cos the tablets had messed with stuff. Gave a urine sample for a drugs test, my own fault cos I'd admitted that I smoke cannabis. Went to bed hoping everything would be less shitty tomorrow.

First day, room with nothing to do so I decide to tear up some leaflet and tightly roll it up to try and open the windows which ha the handles taken off but I thought the paper might give enough leaverage. Not trying to escape and I could see there were stops meaning the windows wouldn't open much. No joy, only difference was a growing number of faces at the door window trying to work out what I was doing, I left them to it and tried the window some more, then gave up. Then told the people outside my door that I was bored rather than trying to escape cos I could see the windows wouldnt open far.

Saw the doc that day, who amongst other things gave me the drugs test results... clear positive for cannabis (no surprise), clear positive for valium and speed (errr wtf) and negative for opiates (no surprise). There was no room for discussion about the results being wrong, they were right, they wanted to know about me taking valium and speed which I hadn't. Much arguements, few text messages later and I've worked out the speed must have been from some party I went to 3 weeks ago, no idea about the valium. Talking with family they told me I was given valium in the hospital to stop seizures and I'd also been given codine, an opiate, so that should have tested positive for opiates, they fucked the test up. Wont admit the test was done wrongly. meh, wankers.

A month of not much, nothing had changed, thier drugs didnt seem to do anything; sertraline an anti-depressant and ozanzapine an anti-psycotic. So I decided to leave, only the staff weren't having it so sectioned me. Saw the doctors, ward staff, and some social worker who put me on a section 3 which lasts for 6 months. meh

Another month of not much, they start letting me out for day leave with family, then overnight leave. Second overnight leave didn't go well, hospital was wanting me to return and I didn't want to. So they sent a police van with three coppees to arrest me. meh

Not long after that I made an attempt there to kill myself and another attempt a couple of days later. They then decided to move me to a secure hospital where I'd have no chance of doing anything bad. Everything even slightly dsngeroud was taken off me... had to ask for my shower gel and deodrant, not allowed to have them in my room incase I tried to drink them. Oh yeah, they also took the small piece of red string for my powerball. arseholes, I was wearing a belt and they didnt ask for that or my shoe laces, just the tiny piece of red string. meh

Spent 2 weeks there, am now in the normal psyciatric ward nextdoor to the secure one.Hopefully tomorrow I'm being moved back to the hospital I was moved from, and if things go well I reckon I've got a month left to go. They've taken me off the anti-psycotic so that must mean things are going well.

Tomorrow I'll write some of the amusing happenings in these hospitals, late and I should probably go to bed.

[Flip]

FFS Ste! I have no idea which emoticon to insert here.

[Paddy Blake]

Ste it's good you said what the story is.I do care what happens to you.
Think of 4+4 or off road biking in the future for you.
Just look after your self..
Pm me if you want to talk this out.


Paddy

[Im-a-Ridah]

So do you actually need the help they provide, or are the restrictions and such imposed by them causing most of the problems. I take more than one a day of the "one a day" tablets, since IMO what's one a day for one person is less than one for another. Admittedly, taking the entire packet is a bit much! Which vitamins did you OD on if you don't mind my asking?

[Ste]

It wasnt vtamins, it was epilepsy tablets. I don't think I need to be in hospital and having thier crappy restriction but it's a slow process showing them I'm ok. Last week I was being allowed out for 2x30mins per day, week before that I was being allowed out for 30 Mins per day. Hopefully this week they'll start letting me out for day leave with family.

[Tonka]

Goodness, I really do feel for you and hope that you can get yourself out of there and back home all safe and sound as quick as you can
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'The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences'
Suzuki SV650S (Clean); Yamaha XT250 Serow (Dirty)

[Shaun]

Ste

A brick would've opened the window easily!

Good to hear you're somewhere near being let out a bit, also, the amusing stuff, just wondering, is anyone there so mental they ate a polystyrene pizza base?

[Ste]

Bricks tend not to be available in hospitals and I was seeing if I could manage to open it cos I was bored rather than trying to escape.

shit eaters rather than polystyrene base eaters

[Mr.Everready]

Ste, hope everything works out fine.
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the undemocratically unelected mod of the Scottish section

[Hetzer]

Life's a bit like a roller-coaster. While you're on it you're kind of "I'm scared! Ooer...! I want it to stop so I can get off...!"

Then it stops, and you get off. Then you start thinking "Damn, it wasn't that bad. It was quite fun actually. Wish I'd chilled out and enjoyed it a bit more...wonder if I can get another go..."

Which is pretty much what you might be thinking after you've topped yourself. Sometimes you just need to close your eyes for the upside-down twisty bits and open them for the long staight bits.

No matter how bad the upside-down twisty bits are, there are ALWAYS long straight bits too. Until you reach the natural end, and then it's ok to get off anyway. And join the queue for another go.

And sometimes staying alive is just about duty, to those who care about you. Think about what topping yourself lays on them. Are things really so bad? And yes, I am aware of your condition. Tough it out mate, there's a lot of life left ahead of you and a whole lot of stuff can change, including your condition.
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"There's the horizon! Ride hard, ride fast and cut down all who stand in your way!"

[Skudd]

I went down a road that I'm glad I found a junction on and chose the new road I'm on now. The experience of the bad road, well bad isn't the right word but it will do for now, has made me...... not stronger but more............ more me.
What made me choose the new road was what I would leave behind, The upset I would cause, the duty I had to others, learning not to be selfish and only look at me.
The shit is still the same, I just deal it in a different way.
Knowing others have been on the same path and got through the other side helped, Being told things will get better and to pull my socks up didn't.
knowing it was normal and an understandable reaction, a bit extreme, but normal also helped.
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Famous last words of Humpty Dumpty. " Stop pushing me "
Petty Anarchists look at "1984".............. The Visionary looks at "Animal Farm".

[Ste]

Hetzer, if someones 'gets off' then after that they wouldn't be thinking anything, once dead thats it, game over, nothing more ever.

At the time yes things really that bad. You're aware that I have brain damage but you're not aware of any real details, very few people are and fyi the overdose wasn't because of brain damage stuff, it was to do with various other stuff which you also don't know details of.

So whilst your post was posted with good intentions please don't think you know about things which in reality you don't really know anything about.

[Dragonfly]

Sorry to hear about this shite time your going through. I have never been in your situation I have been on the other end and seen it happen either from my previous job or my own brother who tried to kill himself and ended up in a room with a window on suicide watch. Whatever they gave him actually started off epiletic fits, he didnt have them before he went in and during his stay took a grand mal seizure and knocked all his teeth out from the force he hit a filling cabinate with in the nurses office. He is not right since though on tablets forever. He thought I was a ghost when I visited him.

I dont mean that will happen to you just relaying what happened to him.

I do feel for you and glad you can get on a computer and talk to us. Take care

[Hetzer]

[jack_zxr400]

ste i cant begin to understand or pretend to try, but there will always be people that you will hurt by hurting yourself, your never alone (theres even us on here that care )

i have always thought that suicide is both something thats requires a lot of will power to do.. to actually kill yourself but also requires a very weak and sad person to do so.. like your not strong enough to carry on living and feel killing yourself if the answer.. its almost like an easy option.

sorry, dont want you to feel like im lecturing you or telling you what you should do
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Previous Bike: ZXR 400
Current Bike: R6
Test Date: 8/8/2008-PASSED

[Ste]

They've not let me on a computer, I'm on my phone typing slowly using an onscreen keyboard

Some of the drugs they use are really strong, first week on the anti-psycotic really knocked me out, take the tablets then sleep for several hours.

Oh yeah its a very selfish and weak minded thing to do but I've learnt that from it now and will never try anything like it again.

Being in suicide watch is crap. There three levels of obs, either one-on-one which is where staff are with you 24/7, 10 minute obs where they check you every 10mins, or hourly obs where you're checked hourly. 1-on-1 obs is suicide watch and you can't go anywhere without being watched, eating, sleeping, showering, shitting, everything. Figured its probably worse for the person watching rather than the person being watched.

Another reason to never try it again is fear of ending up in these places. First place was alright apart from a couple of annoying people like a bloke who spent all day singing and shouting which really does your head in. Secure place only had one genuinely crazy persom, some old bloke who pissed and shat on the bathroom floor and in his room as well as spending time screaming loudly as well as walking round saying "did you shit or did you piss" over and over again which gets boring after the first hour or so. This place I'm in now isnt too bad other than a couple of old people who smell of wee cos they keep pissing themselves, like one did when having lunch today. Schizophrenis people are pretty harmless, they wander around sometimes having episodes of shouting at people who arent there. old lady in the room opposite me has just pissed her bed and is shouting for someone to change her bed.

Hopefully being moved in a couple of hours back to the first place which is closer to home snd where my consultant is based so day leave and overnight leaves will then start happening.

Meh, hopefully about a month to go til they take me off the section and let me home so I can get on with life and the things I want to be doing.

[Dragonfly]

Sometimes its an entertaining place, I had great conversation in the ward my brother was on in the smoke room. Meet some nice people there.
Have they chucked the clorapromazine at you? Took one once for panic attacks I had and ended up freaking out more!

Are you and Nina still together ? sorry if thats personal question you dont have to answer. just though be nice to have someone psycailly visit.
ps cant believe someone red rated a post in here that was someone trying to be helpful.

[tutton]

haha bastards
can you thumbstart your powerball?
the string aint even long enough to do any damage lol!
sounds like a harsh circle, just ride it out.
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Past: '05 Peugeot XPS '99 Aprillia RS125 '94 FZR600R
Current: '02 ZX636 A1P '51 CCM R30

[5v3d3b0]

I'm thinking exercising might be a good thing to do as it will keep you busy and also give you goals. Try doing pushups for example. Do as many as you can without cheating at all. The next day set your mind to beating that record even if it's only by one. Get into a routine of your own which is completely separate from the boring routines they make you go through at the hospital. The feeling of achieving something is very powerful and can really give your mood a boost. (although by what you're saying you seem pretty excited about going home anyway. If you were truly depressed I'm thinking it wouldn't make a difference where you are.)
Happy you made it through, and just think about this: The next time you go riding, have sex, do anything which you enjoy, you will most definitely savour it to the max. You will think about how close you were to not getting to do it again. And as said, without the bitter there is no sweet.
Hope you get out soon enough, take care

[Robby]

Out of a purely pharmacological interest, were the anti epilepsy pills lamotrigine or something else?

A double does of lamotrigine for a couple of days running can make you feel a bit trippy, so 6 months worth must really fuck you up.

[Ste]

Lamotrigine, yes it really fucked me up taking that many.

Am already doing pushups and situps, something to pass the time.

Who's nina?

Didnt get moved today cos there are no beds at the other places. They're letting me out for an hour twice a day now and I'm being allowed home for Wednesday night. This afternoon I didn't go to the pub.

[Visitor Q]

God, and we laughed when people said shock sites could be damaging if overexposed. Goatse has a lot to answer for
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From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[JonB]

Ste has the overdoes messed up your liver at all?

Shell was working on a liver unit at ITU recently and a girl of 18 came in after taking 140 paracetemols, she went into multiple organ failure and subsequently died. So from my non-medical standpoint you were very lucky. Nice to know you are not dead mind.

Hope everything sorts out for you in the near future.
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[Suitor_Stu]

[Visitor Q]