Funerals and the like

[quacker_boy]

Well hello.

I'm good with hello, not very good with goodbye though, that's probably part of the reason I'm writing this I guess.

Ian Shaw was one of my closest mates, I met him through the world of kitesurfing about 5 years ago now and I have a lot to thank him for. Over the years that I was improving my skills he was always happy to take me to the beach when I was younger as I didn’t have my own car and bring me back after we’d finish. He gave me HUGE amounts of discount on lots of gear, including the two kites which I still have at the moment and which I plan to keep for the rest of my life now as well.

At that moment in time I was around 17 or 18 years old and just discovering the world of alcohol and women and good music which Ian introduced me to. So, although he only showed me a few CD’s he was part of the drugs, sex and rock and roll years of my life. Albeit the “drugs” were actually alcohol as I was underage in Dubai at the time so technically I was breaking the law. Being the teenage years, there was always a lot on my mind and Ian was there for that as well. We could go out one night on an absolutely blinder and stagger through the door at 3 in the morning but later that day when I’d be nursing a hangover from hell, I could go and talk to my great friend about anything I wanted whilst munching on a bacon butty.

When I got a text off Ian telling me he’d landed on UK soil I was ecstatic...that we were both now stuck on this rock that seems to constantly have crappy weather. We’d made plans that I’d drive to his on the bank holiday weekend and go kiting at Camber Sands and camp and have a BBQ and generally do what we surfer types do best; chill. So you can imagine my shock when I got a message off his sister on Facebook, the one place on the internet that Ian genuinely didn’t like or care for at all, telling me he’d passed away. I guess he's retained his sense of irony either way.

A week prior to Ian’s passing I’d injured myself landing from a 30 foot jump kiting in South Devon and I was on crutches for a couple of days. I got a text off Ian whilst I was driving which my mum very kindly read out to me. His words of sympathy were “I think you need to get a couple of spoonfuls of concrete down you and harden the fuck up!” I’ll miss him, he was my best friend and a second father to me all in one.

At the service they played better together when they bought the casket in which was made out of sea grass looked like wicker kinda thing woven together imported from the philipines and Father Bill said a few words and then we sang jerusalem and then i did my eulogy. At the reception at the Hyrdo? hotel in Eastbourne I had loads of people coming up to afterwards saying how my voice didn't falter at all and they were all so glad to meet me and stuff. It felt brilliant to meet all the other people in his life but there's still just a massive gap where he used to be.

At his funeral one of his other far flung but another close friend of his called Ferry turned up who spoke after I did my eulogy during the service as well. We met at the reception out on the balcony over-looking the Eastbourne seafront and we were chatting about Red Horse beer in Boracay (Philipines) that was always involved in holidays out there and we both ended up bursting into tears and crying and hugging each other for a good ten minutes or so.

I'm almost kind of angry at him for leaving so early at 42 years old. The day he passed away was the day I moved into my new house as well and I was supposed to go down to his the next day and then suddenly he was just gone.

So I guess that's why I'm having trouble saying goodbye.
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wizzzard wrote: Imagine God just stopping by, tidying your front room up and then quietly letting himself out again. Statisticly more likely to happen than Korn being on here.

[instigator]

Time is a healer bud.

Best wishes to you in this dark time.

[colin1]

Did he did in a kite surfing accident ?
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[quacker_boy]

Thanks Insti, time unfortunately is something I can't afford at the moment so fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later

Colin, incidentally, no it wasn't kiting, he was driving back from Eastbourne after looking at some flats apparently and just slumped at the wheel, luckily rolled to a stop and no one else was injured and there was no collision of any kind, a passer by saw him and opened the passenger door and pulled the handbrake and called the ambulance. They attempted to resuscitate but to no avail, suspected cause of death is heart attack but it's still a bit of a grey area. Coroners suspect it was the adult version of cot death and there's no feasible explanation at the moment.
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wizzzard wrote: Imagine God just stopping by, tidying your front room up and then quietly letting himself out again. Statisticly more likely to happen than Korn being on here.

[st3v3]

Fuck man, that's harsh.

I can't offer advice other than when my grandad died (like a decade ago though) being positive was all that I could remember keeping me fine, I loved him and then he was gone, we knew he was dying for a couple days but it didn't sink in.... I remember having a good cry and feeling loads better.

PM if you wanna chat dude or just get shit off your chest, sometimes a strangers help is better than someone you know.
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Roger wrote: Women don't get damp for clingy puppies. Get some better happy pills, hit the gym & buy a medallion the size of a dinner plate. Job done

[TUG]

Hey quacker, friends will help you at a time like this, try not to drown your sorrows or use anything else other than constructive things to take your mind of it, maybe get your kite out and hit some great winds with a bunch of mates?

It hurts to lose someone, especially so close, and time is really the only fix.

Hope your ok mate.
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Haz ER-5, innit!

[Alexio]

I live right next to Eastbourne and I can confirm that it is indeed a very evil place.

My condolences
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will never give up his CG. I look at my fuel gauge more as a progress bar than a fuel gauge.
G: With my GSXR I do often effectively use it as a scooter with a clutch in town.
ms51ves3: why does it need 500 miles? Are you teaching it how to be a piston?

[Andy C]

That sucks man, I hope you can get over your loss

[Mr Hammers]

Something I heard from a friend in a similar situation was always try to be focus on the positive, that you were able to have all those good times, rather than be sad that there won't be more.

It's not much consolation, I know, and easier said than done of course, but it might help a little.
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A Guide To Powerbands

[Tarmacsurfer]

Been mulling this one over and wondering if there was anything I could contribute. Probably not, but what the hell. Lets take a swing.

I understand all too well how easy it is to be angry and feel your friend has somehow been selfish, after all there was so much that you find you need to have said or done and suddenly they're not available, fuck logic and acceptance, what about ME is the thought.

We turned the life support off on one of our friends in '92 and whilst even now the sound of a heart rate monitor can still send me into a foul mood that's not what I remember most clearly about that afternoon, the main memory - which shamed me until I realised how natural it is - was anger at the world and at Andy because he wasn't there and he'd put me in this horrible position. I didn't speak at the cremation, went there late, stayed near the back and listened to the "wasn't he great" burbling (which in the main he was, but he was human, certainly not a saint) and resented the fact he'd gone. There was suddenly a hole in my life that I hadn't even realised was there and it was HIS fault. Like I say, no logic. Obviously there's a lot more than that but I hope you take my point.

Last thing is a quote from Dr.Seuss, lost many friends and a few family over the years and whilst this is a bit twee I find it strangely comforting:

[G]

Sounds like he lead a fun and fulfilling life.
Life should be judged on what it is filled with, not how many years it lasts .

[Clanger]

Aw...(((hugs))) re your loss, but hey - what good luck that you had this fella in your life, as he certainly seemed to have a good, positive impact on your life (and others from the sounds of it).

I would suggest you hold your head up high, remember the good times, and smile. That a stranger entered your life and left a close friend.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[Kai.Wilson]

Don't greive my friend. He wouldn't want it. By the sounds of it if he knew you were moping trying to get over the death he would beat you. Once a year go to his favorite place to remeber him


I'm sure this guy would like this.


Kai,

[Alexio]

[TUG]

[quacker_boy]

Well, thought I'd have another little ramble, first off let me say thank you all so much for all the kind words, no matter how many or few you wrote it was all really comforting to know I'm not the only one that's been through this kinda thing. I have the order of service blue-tacked on my bedroom wall so I never forget him.

Since the funeral, his father and two sisters travelled down to Croyde bay where I met them and it was Ian's first surf spot and gave him the bug where-by he drew from his passion of the ocean and carving the shit out of that perfect wave. It seemed this was an appropiate place to scatter his ashes so I paddled out on my shortboard and sat with Ian for a while before letting his ashes out to be blown and scattered in the sea breeze before catching one of the most epic waves I've ever caught in my life, that was my goodbye and I'm going to have to move on without him.

But he'll always be in my head and heart, no matter whether it's toking on a fat joint or out kiting and chilling out, I know he's there watching. God I'll miss the bastard.
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wizzzard wrote: Imagine God just stopping by, tidying your front room up and then quietly letting himself out again. Statisticly more likely to happen than Korn being on here.

[Andy C]

Thats sounds like a really nice way to scatter the ashes.

Hope you get through it man and sounds like your remembering all the good times which im sure is what your friend would want.

It much better to life your life too much than wasting it away up:
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99 RS125 --> 02 SV650s --> 03 Speed Four --> 92 RXS100 --> 93 CB400sf --> 01 CB600f Hornet

[pyx_e]

I think you are doing your friend proud.
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Shiney!
Kawasaki: ER5, Versys, VN900.

[TUG]

Glad your handling it well Quacker, keep in there.
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Haz ER-5, innit!

[Sunshine]

quacker_boy

I am deeply sorry to hear about Ian - We were very close for a time in Dubai and I am devastated. I met his Dad and his sister once - at the Hatta Fort Hotel - please pass my sincere condolences on to them. We did not stay in close contact after a time and the last I heard he was living the life in Boracay. He was one of a kind, a free spirit.