Best Man's Speech

[akaDAVE]

For the last few weeks denial has served me well. Now I'm staring down the barrel and on saturday I have to give a best man speech at my mates wedding in front of about 60 people.
The reality is kicking in. I have written what is a first draft but not overly confident with it.
I don't let myself worry over things and try to be positive, but I know I will be very nervous on the day. I will probably turn bright red and sh!t myself let's face it.
I've looked on the internet for samples and there seems to be a lot of americanised unusable cheese.

Who has experience of doing this and any great generic jokes you can think of would be a bonus!

Tips, advice and help!!?
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[killa]

Go here take what you will from it, i guess you could blend some of them in to the speech.

Good luck, you'll be fine.


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[Steve H]

I did the 'key thing' in one of my speeches - it kills a few minutes if you're struggling for things to say...

Basically you say that you were really taken with the vows that the couple took during the ceremony and it struck a chord with you especially with regard to the '...be faithful to each other for as long as you both shall live' bit. Then you address the bride and say something along the lines of '...with this in mind I've decided to return the back door key to your house that you gave me'. This will get you a laugh (hopefully!) and then once this has died down you can address your audience and ask them if anyone else feels as strongly as you did.

This is when you get 4 or 5 of the groom's friends to stand up and approach the top table all with keys in their hands (that you've given them beforehand obviously!) as they give them to the bride.

To go that one step further you can then say '...is that everyone?' and pre-arrange one of the bride's older female relations (it works best if she's over 60!!) to stand up and give a key to the groom - worked like a charm when I did it
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[killa]

HAHAHAA wicked Steve i like that one....

Um, is that a well known thing to be done, i mean what if no one laughs because it's as old as the hills?
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[Steve H]

[Hex]

I've seen the keys one a lot of times, still gets a chuckle.

I gave one a couple of months back and had a slide show behind me from a projector which had some embarrassing photos which fitted around my speech.

Works well if your the nervous type as takes a lot of attention off you.

remember don't make it too long anyway, people get bored of all the thankyou's the reading of cards etc etc etc.
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[TOM M]

Ive got to do one next year for me brothers wedding, im tempted to get couple of me mates to dress as coppers and come in and "arrest" him for biggamy (forgive the spelling) might cause a few laughs


He'll shit himself
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[Barry_M2]

Try not to worry too much, I done my best man bit 3 weeks ago at my mates wedding, about 100 people.

Just fill it with embarrasing stories of the groom and you'll be fine. Dont try and rush it, or you will f**k it up. Talk slowly and clearly.

I was nervous, but after doing it I wouldn't have minded doing it agian!!
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[akaDAVE]

I was planning on coming out with an anecdote about how my mate was made to stand up and sing in school assembly once because he had 'such an angelic voice'

I was thinking about announcing that he is going to serenade the bride with bryan adams classic and pull out a CD player to suprise him.

I can't quite picture how I'll pull it off unless others are in on it. Could just go down like a turd in a bath.
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[Barry_M2]

Look here... www.thebestmanspeah.com

Lots of good bits you can nick and shuffle about to suit.
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[mrchips]

A quite witty one is "I was going to read a poem about the one he loves the most, but I couldnt find any poems about (grooms name)"
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[Kaben]

Go to blockbusters and rent Wedding Crashers.
That way you will make a great speach and also get laid by a fiity.

If not, demand a refund.
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[byke95]

How well do you know the Groom?

I've done one speech, it was for my brother's wedding. I spend weeks and weeks drafting ideas and feeling quite nervous about it (I hate public speaking). On the day I felt sick, I couldn't enjoy my meal and could think of nothing else but dying a death up there. The MC spotted this and pulled me to one side, giving me two gems of advice.

1) Stand behind the groom with my hands on his shoulders. This is genius as for one it gives you a psychological 'barrier' between the guests and two it looks really personal and 'touching'. Remember, most conversation is non verbal.

2) Put your prompt cards to one side. After the weeks of rehearsing and panic this seemed a terrible idea but I trusted the MC. Basically I ended up doing a redition of my intended speech but this was fine as I was more relaxed and, because of point (1), I looked good. I just spoke of our childhood, what he meant to me as a big brother and how only the best girl would do (here you can enter a joke about that one getting away or go for the full on, both mums crying, bride bit).

Good luck!

One bit of advice, after your speeches don't forget you're still the best man and therefore responsible for the groom. I may of had the mums crying during the speeches but that didn't stop them (both mums and new wife) giving me a complete bollocking for letting (well, encouraging) the groom to spend the next four hours at the bar downing shots instead of walking around and thanking the guests!

[lozzypop1]

[Minky_monkey]

I was best man at my mates wedding a few months back. I didn`t feel the need to humiliate the bloke, so left the really embarrassing stuff out.

How well do you know his family? Mark`s are like an extension of my own, so a few gags about his relatives went down well.

The other thing I did, was practice it infront of a couple of people to see what they thought of it. Something that you may think is funny, may well make someone else cringe!

Other than that, take your time. It`s really easy to rush it and lose your place. There was a couple of adlib bits in mine that just came into my head whilst I was making mine.

Don`t get trashed at the reception before you make it! I know it sounds boring, but you`ll regret it if you get wankered. A few drinks calms the nerves though!