Living with the enemy.....

[BorderHooner]

My head is battered.

So much that I cant even talk to my mates or my mother about this.

Get yer heads round this one and offer some thoughts please folks.

I'm in the middle of a divorce. everything with that is ticking by canny. It's amiccable.

I'm living with my new partner, we've been together for 3 months, known each other for 5 months, she's 2 months pregnant. She's been living with me for about 6 weeks and finally we moved her stuff out of her pad last week.

I work from home. I run my own business. I've worked hard for years to now be in a position where I have free time for myself - to do with it as I please.

We agreed that as I'm on a much higher salary than her, and given that she's carrying my bairn, I'd maintain the costs to keep the house running - all costs. I'll put diesel in my truck which she uses to get about when I dont need it. I pay for most things when we go out and about.

All I've asked her to do is keep the fridge and cupboards stocked.

This means she gets to bank her salary minus her own costs to run her little car - the banked money will come in handy for her and give her independance from me when she's not working. she's a private consultant and only works part time by choice.

Money doesnt mean a lot to me to be honest, any way I would have to pay all the costs if I was living alone. I'm not suggesting she's dependant on me - far from it, she's very independant.

She's been very hormonal, expected being 2 months prgnant as the body copes with the changes.

she told me before the weekend that she didnt know if she actually loved me. she had been thinking of moving back in with her parents til she can find her own pad. this came as a shock to me as our relationship was great prior and she had declared love for me etc. Bit late to tell me all this I thought considering you've just moved in with me and are carrying our child.

All her stuff that we moved to my home last week is still in boxes in the front room - she wont unpack anything. So I moved the lot to one side and covered the lot with a throw.

So at the minute, she is doing fuck all around the house, the dishes are piling up, I did all the laundry last week and asked her if she would put it away, it's all still sitting in piles in baskets etc. there's hardly owt in the fridge and cupboards. When she comes in she avoids talking about anything. She's working 4pm-7pm today but went out at 10am to see to her exhaust on the car and to have lunch with her mum. I've just had a call to say she has decided to have dinner with her parents aswell so she will be late. they live 3 miles away.

I'm sat on my jack with the house looking like a shit tip, nowt to eat.

As I work from home I like to keep the house tidy... I dont clean it everyday or anything ldaft, I just like to have a bit of order so I can get on.

I had a lot of problems in my last relationship as my wife expected me to keep house for her as I didnt work full time - I havent busted my nads working for years to put myself in a position to have free time to myself to use that time cooking, cleaning, tidying, doing the laundry etc etc.

I dont expect my new partner to do all the housework - but I expect her at least to do something.

So, suffice to say I feel like doing fuck all and letting it just build up and build up til I end up staying in a hotel instead of climbing over clothes to get to bed and eating in restaurants on my own.

Obviously this wont work though will it.

So I need to talk with her, but I have to consider that she is hormonal - has considered leaving me etc.

I feel like she has me by the balls.

what to do?

cheers

[JonB]

You moved in FAR too quickly with her.

She doesn't want you. Maybe she is also harbouring a darker secret? What if the baby isn't yours etc etc. I don't wanna scare you but something is not quite right here.
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Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it?s worth.

[feef]

[BanditBitch]

Hmmmm I agree with Jon B, the relationship sounds a bit suss.

I reckon you need to sit her down and have a proper chat with her.......and stop pussyfooting round her, just because she's pregnant..... its not an illness. It certainly shouldnt stop her helping around the house.

You say she reckons that she doesnt love you, if thats the case,there is no point in stopping together. You never mentioned whether you love her or not. Are you just staying together because she is pregnant, cos thats never a good idea.

[TL666]

Pregnant women are very strange creatures. She'll be feeling ugly, fat vunerable, happy, sad and sick all at the same time. I know its hard but try to be supportive. Ignore any nasty things she says or does. Things will get better after the fourth month, once her hormones settle down.
I've been there and you really have to dig deep. Just make sure you don't react to anything she does because it will make things much worse.

[BorderHooner]

the kid is definaltely mine. We havent been apart for 3 months, spent every night together. we did the pregnancy tests together etc.

yes I love her. too much perhaps. she's just about everything I ever wanted in a partner. I'm very happy that she is pregnant.

My marriage was on the rocks - wife and I were going to seperate - I met my GF before we seperated but didnt actualy start having an intimate relationship until the wife moved out. I've since moved out to let the wife move back in as she's buying me out of the marital home. I moved closer to the GF. and now she's moved in with me.

[Grubby]

I hope it works out for you fella, but it sounds friggin scary to me.
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I am me & you are he & we are all together. See how they run like pigs from a gun!

[colin1]

good luck
certainly makes me feel better with my lot
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[mrtEE]

[Barry_M2]

If I'd read your first post without this part in it.....

[msgander]

1) pregnancy is not an illness
2) its not an excuse to sit around doing stuff all, if she isnt helping now she wont be helping once baby comes along!
3) you are being more than fair by the sounds of it
4) she knows she has you by the balls
5) talk to her and do something about it
6) a baby is not necessarily a good reason to stay together, indeed it may push you apart if she has doubts already
7) look after number 1, you and let her know the score
8) dont put up with stuff because you think she will leave
9) if she is going to leave she will at some stage anyway
10) dont let her treat you like a doormat

and I am female!!

She is taking the piddle. Hormonal we get but its not THAT bad!!! she should be happy so this isnt sounding too good to me!
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Always believe that your guardian angel flies a bit faster than you...............

[yambabe]

Hmmm cynical old moi. What were the two of you thinking about letting her get pregnant just a month into the relationship?

I'm wondering how old she is? From what you say about yourself you are no fresh youngster, probably mid-thirties at least? If she is the same age I am wondering if her biological clock has been ticking away there and rather than the ppartnership you have been dreaming of she was actually looking for a sperm bank and a meal ticket?

A month is way too soon into a new relationship to be conceiving a child, you barely know each other and you've had no time to enjoy each other as a couple.

You have to sit down with her and talk about this, and you have to give her an ultimatum because it sounds like she is testing at the moment to see how far you can be pushed before you snap. She won't talk? Fine, take her and her bloody unpacked boxes round to her mums. Do it now cos the longer this goes on the more cabbaged you will become.

Grrr I so hate women who play mind games.
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Sod falling in love, I wanna fall in chocolate.

[BorderHooner]

cheers for the replies.

we had a chat when she came in, well more like I talked and she listened.. then she dozed off. then we stripped the bed together, then she got in it, then I went to the kebab shop and ate some lard.

don't really feel as if I was heard but she was tired.

tomorow is another day.

[Resurrection]

[TOM M]

[BorderHooner]

[Visitor Q]

i do say, these pregnant women fall down stairs SO easily....
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From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[Itchy]

Tommorow is another day you have words sucker tattooed on your forehead ,

talk ONE last time , if she does not listen ,

change the locks.

and grab your heels and prepare to be ass raped by the CSA ,

or if you are smart enough and have enough ££££ make a privat arrangement and at the paternity test (be to taken the instant your child is born) , pay the lab guy off , and make reasonable arrangements yourself , the CSA is full of feminazis who will take every penny off you.

I am NOT SAYING ABSCOND , I'm saying make a reasonable arrangement.
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Spain 2008France 2007Big one 2009 We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. In the end, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

[colin1]

i think tl666's approach is better than laying down the law
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colin1 is officially faster than god

[bazza]

Stick her on ebay and buy a new one.


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"That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college."
'98 Ducati 750SS, '08 Suzuki GSX650F ©2004-2014, Bazza's Harmless Banter

[lozzypop1]

[JodieWodie]

I haven't read all that stuff above.
My thoughts:

She is taking you for a mug
You are on the REBOUND
It is not love
She is taking her pregnancy as a 'free ticket' out of everything...work, shopping, cleaning, blah blah..

If I were you (and I am not), I would get out

And I am female, yes, but this is no good
Trust me

Your relationship has no foundation. It is built on young, shaky ground.
And a lot of firework realisations=...>
You get together..BANG..pregnant... BANG... baby... BANG... Wow baby is cool...BANG.. this is getting a bit boring and hum drum now.. BANG...we don't really have much in common do we... BANG... erm
No

end
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"

[beatnck]

dont know mate, but when my missus was pregnant she was VERY hormonal...
one time because i wouldnt agree to her sister and her boyfriend staying for the weekend she launched a steaming hot cup of coffee at me. luckily im a fast mover and it just hit the door.

[colin1]

[Clanger]

I agree with some of the above comments...

ie. what were you thinking getting pregnant SOOOO soon after getting together, hello contraception!!!

But also know four women who are pregnant at the moment, one is completely fine, the other three are REALLY irrational at the moment, I mean SERIOUSLY off the rails.

Its due to the sickness, the hormonal change and possibly a lot to do with mental state before the pregnancy too.

You could ask her to move out until the baby is born, and then start seeing each other again, at first for the sake of the baby...and see if it develops. But take it slowly...
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss