sibling trouble .... any ideas?

Itchy · Super Spammer Joined: 07 Apr 2005 Karma :

I have a problem ,

Everybody always says be there when it falls apart , and towards my sister I have.

I've quit well paid jobs to get her out of trouble, annilated my savings flown/ridden all the way across the country /world to get her arse out of trouble.

Thing is I'm sick of it, since its ruined my career plans, and has made my bank account awfully dry and promises to pay me back (ie will never pay it back).

And more trouble is brewing,

She has this utter bum of a BF who is on the dole (since he left school), and smokes weed all day every day, which essentially means my sister looks after him.

My first thoughts on seeing him were fucking bum that she'd get over this piece of shit sooner or later considering most rational people towards people they have relationships to are selfish and eventually they see no real benefit to themselves.I'm still waiting....

Thing is she hasn't let go of that bum, and popped a I'm getting married sort of rant at me which made me drop my bike (again), what should I do?.

As said lots of people say stand by them , but I'm sick of it, and all the times I've helped her out (at MY cost) makes her think I am some sort of safety net, I no longer want to be this safety net since it keeps ruining my plans, but at the same time I don't want to see her throw her life away and become one of those baby factories who just claim tons off the dole.

sitting down and talking to her about does not work as she storms off angry (almost like a child).

any suggestions?

Thanks
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Mrs Kickstart · Brolly Dolly Joined: 06 Apr 2004 Karma :

Hi

Using your money to get her out of trouble is not always a help. Sometime you just have to let things take there course, you can be supportive make sure she knows her rights if she gets arrested etc. IF you keep bailing her out she will keep getting into trouble it her life and her decsions. You need to have your life.

Regards
Charlotte
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MRX Steve · Could Be A Chat Bot Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Karma :

I suggest you tell her you aren’t going to help her any more other wise, as you said, she is going to use you as a safety net for the rest of her life. There is only so much you can do and you don’t want to throw you life away over her mistakes, it seems you have tried hard already to help her but she just doesn’t want it.

You never know, once she realises you aren’t to help her she may leave this guy and sort her life out.
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MarkJ · World Chat Champion Joined: 11 Apr 2006 Karma :

If I were you I'd tell her that he's no good but if she want's to stay with him it's her choice not yours. Then tell her if it goes pear shaped she's going to have to get herself out of it herself from now on. The best way for people to learn is by making mistakes (I should know). Don't ruin your life for hers. Karma

Emza · L Plate Warrior Joined: 15 Jul 2006 Karma :

She only does what she does because at the end of the day she knows your will always bail her out........

Maybe its time her safety blanket is taken away and she learns to stand on her own two feet.

At the end of the day you have a life too, be happy with all you do cos life is too short for regrets and missed dreams.

x

T1Cybernetic · Nitrous Nuisance Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Karma :

plugger147 · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Mar 2005 Karma :

Give him a kicking then tell her she's on her own, you'll feel a lot better and she'll be pissed off and leave you alone. Thumbs Up

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queen of string · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Karma :

I wrote a whole long speil (sp) but the computer ate it, I think it is a sign Smile

You are quite within the bounds of reasonableness to stop supporting her financially. It may be that she rejects you because you do this she (and others in your family) may have designated rescuing her as your "job" and may not be able to accept you in any other role.

If rescuing is your "job" then it will be soooo difficult to watch her make her own decisions and suffer her own mistakes, but essential if you are to hsve a life of your own. It maybe that you feel the need to break contact with her all together for a while, but dont be surprised , if you do then go back, if nothing has changed at all. She will survive with out you, but once youre back on the scene its amazing how fast a crisis requiring your financial assistance can develop Smile

I'm an ex rescuer of my family (as you might of gathered) I now choose who to rescue and how much, whilst keeping me sane and well. Feel free to pm me if you wish.
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blizzard_beast · Derestricted Danger Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Karma :

Leggy_Girl · World Chat Champion Joined: 12 Apr 2004 Karma :

Although it sounds like you'll do anything for her, you really shouldn't anymore!!

She is using you, and even if she doesn't realise it, she is making your life very difficult.

Tell her she's on her own from now, because you've done all you can several times over, and she's still not wisened up. Let her get herself out of trouble from now on. You're her brother, not her parent/ carer.
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Dark · World Chat Champion Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Karma :

Disown her, i've disowned my sister Exclamation

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map · Mr Calendar Joined: 14 Jun 2004 Karma :

quacker_boy · Cuddle Bitch Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Karma :

Barry_M2 · World Chat Champion Joined: 09 Sep 2004 Karma :

Dark · World Chat Champion Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Karma :

blizzard_beast · Derestricted Danger Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Karma :

queen of string · World Chat Champion Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Karma :

I have to disagree with Map on this one, I think that these days, once youre an adult, its perfectly ok to choose whether to keep in touch with your family.
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"Eat food, not edible, food-like items. Mostly plants."

Clanger · Stirrer Joined: 27 May 2004 Karma :

I think it's time to step back and let her take responsibility for her own life...I mean if she doesnt learn now, and you remain being her emotion crutch forever, how will she ever cope if anything happens to you.... what then?

Break the tie now...its better now than later
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