GF's at uni

[Dalemac]

Just to outline a little background info:

me and natalie met in france when on a skiing trip and have now been together for nearly 3 years.

i came to uni in lincoln and she stayed at home to finish her A levels.

i have been really busy since i got here, getting a 25h/ week job as well as studying, relaxing, being social, fixing the ever more broken gpz etc.

I am currently getting aload of ear because im always busy and "never seem to have any time" for her, despite a dozen texts a day and about 30 mins on the phone. minimum.

Even though i love her alot it is really starting to put a downer on everything. the constant crying because im not back at home with her and apparently i "just dont care about anything" anymore.

I dont know what to do, obviously i want to stay with her forever but she is making it alot harder than it needs to be. Its almost as if she is putting a downer on everything, pre-programming every aspect of my life and if something doesnt go to plan she goes nuts.


i dont know what to do.say anymore and am tired of listening to the crying, shouting, or arguing all the time.

*shrugs*
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YBR125 -> GPZ500S -> SL1000

[nick606]

You have two options really go and see her more or end it. If you don't do anything she will probably just get annoyed and find someone at uni.

[hellkat]

She'll only ruin it for herself if she continues to nag you.
Its a shame she cannot see that she is probably driving you away.
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[Visitor Q]

I can't think of many people from uni who finished the whole 3 years with a boyfriend/girlfriend back home.

But I can easily think of a good 50 who tried. Oh and I can't think of any who managed the whole 3 years long distance without either a thoroughly boring time or cheating on/being cheated on.

Unfortunately as well, women are complete fucking idiots. And you are too for encouraging this. /IF/ you set a precedent of 'being nice', when you don't do said nice thing one day (because you have no time) you become the bastard. She is expecting you to continue you soppy 'I miss you so much' phone calls and texts, at the frequency you began them. Which you won't be doing because you'll be stuck doinh work. Therefore, you become the bad person in their mental little heads.

AVOID SETTING PRECEDENTS!

Also note, she is an A-level student, you don't sound much older. Immaturity and throwing around 'love' is natural, but incredibly annoying. Don't let yourself waste university on a pipedream (and believe me I've seen it done, people together for 2 years of the 3 miserable... last year they realise it and try to cram 3 years fun into 1). Take it from me though, uni is a one off experience. Either grab it by the balls or regret it.
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From September 2014 to January/February 2015 I will not be using any English, nor reading any. As such, I won't be on here. PM at will, but I won't be checking/posting unless in emergencies. Certainly not for the first couple of months. Please berate me savagely if I break that rule...

[Rowey]

Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain. Even if you were 100% stable before you left it's still not easy.

Girls tend to need a lot of attention even my girlfriend sends me texts saying she is missing me. The record is after I'd just dropped her home. Hellcat summed it up perfectly earlier "women are nuts" they don't usually know what they want.

It sounds like you're doing everything in your power to keep in touch. Don't let her nagging bring you down. Have you had a talk with her about how busy you are? It would be selfish of her to cause you to fail coursework or not study.
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ZX6R C6F.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll only bring you down to their level, and beat you with experience.

[Visitor Q]

[m0l0t0v]

Listen to Bonny. He is wise in the nature of the mentally unstable female form (and apparently equal? ) of humans.
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'99 Hornet 600 , VFR 400 NC30 '92 , Kasawamasaki GT 550 , '98 Hornet 600
**\Tarmacsurfer/** said: It's that immaculately manly coiffure of yours isn't it. One glimpse of your virile locks and the punters can't wait to buy whatever it is you suggest, as it might let them be just a little bit like the Adonis that is our very own Molly Doovydoo said: Its not my fault I can't get it up properly, I just wasn't blessed

[hellkat]

UNFORTUNATELY
Most women DO expect precedents to be "honoured" all the time.
Once you've set one, you'll be expected to keep it up.
And you have to set the parameters for it as soon as you've done it, so she knows what boundaries she has.

If you tell her you love her and then tell her that every day for a week, thats it: you got to do it for the rest of your life, or live to regret it.
Say it once.
Then save it up for a bit before you say it again.

(difficult to judge when, though ...
*evil female laughter*
Because every one of us has specific ideas about the length of time that ought to be )

Blokes seem to not place the same importance on the things that women do.
Many MANY women can't cope with that.
Once they have it (from a man that they want it from) women expect constant reaffirmation of emotional constancy.
Actually, it really sucks.
I wish we didn't do it.

Few of us are able to step beyond that need to be constantly reassured.
And those of us who can/try ... find it REALLY difficult.
Well, I do, anyway I really want to be girlie and stamp my feet and shout and cry, but I know it will just drive the object/s of my desire away.

Its not that we're mentally unstable.
We're just ... Ya can't win.

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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[hellkat]

So, hence we have two schools of men:
1. Bastards; and
2. Pussywhipped.

Take your pick, chaps.
Cos you're gonna be one or the other for your WHOLE life
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[m0l0t0v]

I'll happily take the bastard one.
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'99 Hornet 600 , VFR 400 NC30 '92 , Kasawamasaki GT 550 , '98 Hornet 600
**\Tarmacsurfer/** said: It's that immaculately manly coiffure of yours isn't it. One glimpse of your virile locks and the punters can't wait to buy whatever it is you suggest, as it might let them be just a little bit like the Adonis that is our very own Molly Doovydoo said: Its not my fault I can't get it up properly, I just wasn't blessed

[Visitor Q]

[hellkat]

Crying is another attention-seeking device a lot of women use too much. Another "look at me" drama effect. Most men seem to have one of two attitudes to it:
1. That crying crap don't work on me, luv; or
2. Oh God, she's crying, I can't cope (and do a runner).

There doesn't really seem to be many who think "Oh God, she's crying, I must try and resolve her problem instantly, the poor little flower." (and those that do are probably pretty sappy, LOL)

I really only cry when I am at my wits end (not very often) and then it means something. Well, it does to me, at least. And those around me who know me well, know "If Jen's crying, its pretty fuckin bad."
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[The Shaggy D.A.]

I think it's time to post this again...
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Chances are quite high you are not in my Monkeysphere, and I don't care about you. Don't take it personally.
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[hellkat]

Now, I found that on an old hard drive a few weeks ago. I printed it out and forgot to take it with me.

You reckon its worth printing out and reading, then, huh?
Must do, its been posted often enough...
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[MarJay]

This is the one time when the usual BCF advice actually *does* apply.
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British beauty: Triumph Street Triple R; Loony stroker: KR1S; Track fun: GSXR750 L1; Commuter Missile: GSX-S1000F; Cheap project: CBR900RR FireBlade
Remember kids, bikes aren't like lego. You can't easily take a part from one bike and then fit it to another.

[Visitor Q]

[hellkat]

Bugger... that really does look interesting, actually

Prolly I said that last time the link was posted... but now I'm actually committing myself to printing it
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Not nearly as interesting in real life.

[J0Al1]

I think its more simple than gender classification. The party thats more into the relationship is more needy. OR, the party that is less secure with themself is more needy.

My X was desperate for me to tell him how much I loved him and how happy he made me. The simple fact that (despite what I said in my last thread when I was being completely irrational), I didn't love him and he knew that because he had caused nothing but tears. He described me as cold and heartless, which is the last thing I am.

I have always believed that women 'can' play games and 'use' their allure to their advantage. It's suprisingley easy, a bid sad, certainly shallow, but shows how weak many men indeed are. NOT a good idea as it does nothing for anyone.

Best start in any relationship that is having difficulties is to look at your own down falls and address them. You can't expect the other member to do anything to fix it unless you have done that.

[J0Al1]

[Visitor Q]

[Dalemac]

thanks for the advice all.

Basically said that she shouldnt be dwelling on the situation when im not around, as it just makes it harder for herself to cope.

im coping fine - she seems to think in not, i prefer to be busy but somehow because i dont call her until the evening she interprets that as her being the last thing on the list of "jobs" to be done or so to speak, which is wrong because if i called in the day and had to go off and do other stuff i would be in a rush - not exxactly when you want to be calling people.

I dont know its hard to describe. I have always been emotionally stable - got a few years of bullying under my belt so know how to not let things/ people get to me, or being a push over. lesson i learned many years ago.

I think high expectations and a lack of confidence are her downfall atm.
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YBR125 -> GPZ500S -> SL1000

[MarJay]

[Annabella]

[Robby]

I fail to understand this relationship.

You have a mental crying girlfriend some considerable distance away, who is irritating you.

and you are uni, or pussy mecca as it may also be known.

Be a man, get rid of the crying one, and fuck some girls within walking distance. You'll pick up another girlfriend, and another, and another, and eventually you'll find who either isn't crazy (very rare) or is the same blend of crazy as you (slightly less rare).

Then you just need to dispose of her boyfriend (dig the hole and buy the lye first) and you're sorted.

I've had my fair share of manipulative mentalists. If they don't go arse to mouth and deepthroat, it's not even worth considering.

[Visitor Q]