Another 'relationship advice' thread!

[AngelGrinder]

Sorry to bore anyone who's not interested - you shouldn't have clicked the thread if you weren't!

I'm in a bit of a situation with the girlfriend.....and am not sure what to do....

Bit of background - we have been together 3 years and a couple of months, so it's no short term thing. We don't live together, mainly because I spend too much money on bikes....

Over the past few months she's been getting more and more of a pain in the arse, and she's been treating me like shit fairly often....the problem I have, is I don't argue, I just ignore it (it takes alot to REALLY wind me up.

She's recently been having a moan at me very frequently...

Anyway...skip to Friday night, I went to some charity event at a local pub with her and a few friends. At about 10pm I went home - I was tired from working, and was bored as it was so shit....
I say goodbye to the girlfriend, and she says she's going home with her brother in a few minutes as she has to be up early the next day for work aswell.

Fast forward to the next day, I pick her up from work, she's being a bit funny, she tells me she stayed till about 2am, and had way too much to drink...

Then she asks me not to get angry, and explains that she ended up kissing another guy. She says he kissed her, but can't remember if she kissed back ( )

Apparently this caused quite a few friends to get angry at her for what she did, she says she was too drunk to remember most of it.

Oh, and then she tells me who the guy was and it was a good (ex) friend of mine....great!


So, I spent the weekend with her, as I don;t think it really sunk in..after thinking about it, it's really getting to me now.

Now I don't know what to do....can I ever trust her again? Do I want to? How would I end a 3 + year relationship?

Any advice, similar situtations from anyone?

(P.s will keep thread updated with anything that happns)
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Currently Riding - 2002 Aprilia RSV1000 Mille

[Catalyst]

I'd say let this one go, everyone deserves a second chance but tell her if anything like this ever happened again then that'll be the end of it. Although what she done was completely wrong it could of been a lot worse, but one more chance then if anything like this happened again then it's over.
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SlimRick - I can cook really well - but it's a useless skill, as I'm not a woman and it's their fucking job!

[MarJay]

I suppose the fact that she told you is a good sign, and that it was just a kiss and not anything else.
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Remember kids, bikes aren't like lego. You can't easily take a part from one bike and then fit it to another.

[base]

i dont know you or your situation but from what you have said to me it sounds like she wants to be the centre of your world all the time and if she cant have that then she will attempt to get a reaction out of you some how, i had a ex that did the same, long story short knocked it the head, best thing i ever did no room in my life for drama queens save yourself the hassle if she wants to play those games let her go ahead and find somone else to emotionally drain, life is for living you may of been together for 3 years but unfortunaly that counts for very little IMO save yourself some hassle. i appreciate its easy for me to sit here as a 3rd party dishing out advice but honestly i have had similar happen to me, and i let it go on too long

[AngelGrinder]

[AngelGrinder]

[Jamrock]

Really weird dude, I was in the EXACT situation but switch pub with club and you have got it. I was with the girl for just a bit over 3 years and I went home early one night out because I was feeling rough, I tried to find her to tell her I was going but couldn't so just left. Get a phone call the next day saying she was so sorry but felt like I'd abondoned her and that she started dancing with a few guys and kissed one of them . I felt like shit at the thought of that but a couple of mates who were there said that they were making out on the dancefloor for over an hour with their hands all over each other, when I confronted her she said she couldn't remember and played dumb to it.

Dumped her because I couldn't be arsed with the trust issues after that, the amount of times I've been hit on when I've been drunk but said no and she couldn't do it once. The thing I find funny is she is now in a relationship with said kissing guy.

Don't know how you feel but judging from what I've read so far you don't seem worried/care too much about the whole thing so if you can let it go I would say try to. I just can't forgive so easily.

[MinhDinh]

I know how easy it is to get jealous like this. I bet you're feeling really paranoid and very annoyed! My Girlfriend went to Australia for 3 weeks with her family. By 2 weeks she didn't call at all, and didn't text much. Even her texts were shit. When she came back I didn't feel that she loved me or anything. there was no spark! Turns out that she fancied a guy there, and they were holding hands etc but not kissing. This really pissed me off and I nearly finished with her. A few times when she's on her period and jealous of me hanging around other girls, I get annoyed and bring up that situation. That just fucks things up more, but oh well lol. My girl is a star now though, apart from that, it's been great.

So my point is, if you want to stay together, you need to tell her how you feel about it. Try to make her feel bad or whatever it takes to get it off your chest. If it's never off your chest, you will end up thinking about it everytime she is talking with another guy/out clubbing by herself and get angry.

Personally I feel she only told you what happened because others saw it. As for her moods, maybe tell her that she's being a bitch and split up. It will hurt you lots, but then do you really need a bird who treats you like money shit?

Girls that crave the centre of attention are definitely ones likely to be hoes. I have met many that pretty much jump from guy to guy and it disgusts me. I always make sure I deliberately blank them so they get the picture.
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Hit the G spot.

[Tonka]

My guess would be she told you so that you didn't hear it from someone else as there were clearly disapproving witnesses and it would have got back to you somehow and somewhen. That in itself is a fairly positive thing in a rubbish situation, she took responsibility for her actions and was prepared to face the music.

I think that folk (male and female) like to feel loved and maybe just lately for whatever reason she's been in greater need than normal and than you can provide which makes her vulnerable to things like this happening. That's not an excuse, as last time she ignored it and that's what she should have done this time too.

I guess all you can do is try and put yourself in her situation now and ask yourself whether you would want a second chance or expect to be dumped. Trust can be quite fragile and she needs to earn yours back. If she's prepared to do that then there's a future, if she's dismissive of your hurt feelings then I think I'd explain that you're too hurt to continue in what would be a one-sided relationship and walk away.

Rubbish call, rubbish situation - just do what you think is right so that you have no regrets.
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'The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences'
Suzuki SV650S (Clean); Yamaha XT250 Serow (Dirty)

[Louise]

I say let it go.
I recently lost someone of 5 years - and beleave me, its a major gap to loose after being best friends with someone too.
Ive not been an angel, I have kissed people behind her back being totally wasted - But ive owned up and told her face to face - She respected this and we moved on.
She has been honest with you - altho gutting ( I cant imagine what Kat felt) but honesty is best policy.
I say stick with it

[D O G]

I'm gonna be the devil's advocate on this one and try to see it from her side.

So you guys have been in a relationship for three years, yet you haven't moved in together yet, seemingly because you are more interested in your bikes than 'her'.

Further to that, you don't seem to be overly bothered about breaking up with her - in fact you have kind of indicated that you want to use this to break up with her, which is fine, but it also indicates to me that you are not massively excited about the whole relationship. It does not mean so much to you as it may to her. She will probably have seen this, but may love you enough to want to make a go of it, hoping that you will change. The fact that she may be seeing no change in this, and in fact possibly a worsening of the situation may be pushing her to find affection elsewhere (which she effectively said so herself).

Her 'giving you shit' may well be a symptom of her growing realisation that you don't care about her as much as she cares for you, testing you to see how hard you will fight for her/the relationship. It appears that is not much!

Looks to me that she suspects you don't really care about the relationship (and therefore her) that much, which has resulted in her doing things that maybe she shouldn't.

I reckon you should end it now, before you waste more of each others' time.

If you are not arsed that much about it after three years, then when will you be arsed?

[Barry_M2]

Relationships are built on trust, if you think can still trust her then let it slide. If you can't, then tell her you can't and that you dont want to see her any more.

From what you've written so far, from my personal perspective I would end it now. I've had the same happen to me in the past, I thought things over for a few days, was only 20 at the time and we'd been together for a couple of years, went to see her and told her it was over. Yeah its hard and emotional at the time, but believe me, it was the best thing and I dont regret it one bit.

I just thought about how I would feel everytime she went out and I wasn't there, who would she be going off with etc... and I didn't want to be in a relationship like that.

There are plenty of women out there who won't be like that, so I say time to move on.

HTH!
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[Handsome]

Haven't read the replies Angel, but, you say she's picking arguments for no reason and generally been in a shitty mood towards you...

There are two ways to look at it mate...

She wants out but hasn't got the bottle to do it so she's trying to cause arguments hoping you'll get fed up and finish it...

Or...

She's done something with someone before said night above and can't bring herself to tell you and doesn't know how to deal with it and turning it into anger then directing it at you...

Personally I'd get out, had an Ex do the above to me over the course of a few months before we split up, I did a bit of detective work and found out the ins and outs ( literally ), I emptied the flat and set fire to it all on the drive and moved on, she's married now, feel sorry for the poor fucker as she'll never change...

Sorry to come across as Blunt btw...
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Previous Bikes...Honda NSR 125 RR...Kawasaki Zephyr 550...Suzuki SV 1000 S...Yamaha FZ8...Current Bike...Suzuki GSX-R 750...

[AngelGrinder]

Cheers for the all the replies, both sides are good, I'm still torn tbh, as said, 3 years is along time.

I have spoken to her and told her how much she has hurt me, and how much trust she has lost.

She has said she's realised the error of her ways, and is sorry for how she has been treating me, and from now she won't be so annoying....

So, either she has been thinking about breaking up, done what she has done, now after the real threat of me telling her she's likely to loose me, she's realised what she has too loose...

Or..

She's just saying stuff to keep me happy as she's scared of being alone...

I'm gonna see how it goes from now on, but shes on VERY thin ice...

Just playing it as it comes along.
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Currently Riding - 2002 Aprilia RSV1000 Mille

[Louise]

[CaNsA]

Fukin hell BCF....... What the hell is going on? Its been near on 32hrs and no-one has given him the only advice thats actually proven to work.


Kick her in the garry and punch her it the tits......



hth

[Louise]

I'm sorry but some of us are 'human' and not total fuckwits like you Love ya really

[CaNsA]

Still a feisty little minx i see

x

[AngelGrinder]

ok...say I was to break up with her....how have people done it before?

I'm trying to build up the courage.....
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Currently Riding - 2002 Aprilia RSV1000 Mille

[Louise]

Face to face.
Dont be one of these slimballs that dump you over text.
My ex sort of did this and it was just gutting.
Face to face and let it all out

[Howling TerrorOutOfOffice]

[Tonka]

[Handsome]

[killa]

Gonna throw my pennies worth in here...

Things haven't been rosey for you two recently, if she is the reason its hard work then fair enough, she's changing...obviously not for the better it seems.
You went out together, went home separatly, nothing wrong with it at all unless you kinda both feel thats better.

If your girlfriend gets smashed and provokes lads with her milkshake when you've gone home, she's either...
1. bored of you
2. bored of herself

If you think this problem lies souly with her then watch yourself mate because it could get hurtful later. Sounds like she takes all of it for granted, lets loose when drunk and thats kinda worrying.
My girlfriend of 5 years went through a patch a little like this when her mum was wrongly diagnosed with cancer, she didn't have cancer in the end thankfully but when she thought she did my girlfriend was being very out of character. Staying out getting drunk and flirting (getting attention) her friends sorted her out in the end when i was abou to give up. So taking that in, whats your girlfriends excuse?
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