why can't men and women ' just be friends ' ?

[andy_71]

Dear Auntie BCF,

i'm a bloke fairly average blah blah...

about 6 months ago i got chatting to a like minded person that happens to be a woman... initially this did not seem to create any problems at home, but over the months the missus has slowly got more and more jealous to the point we are arguing on a regular basis.

at this time i would like to point out that i have no intention now or in the future of making any advances on this friend and as of yet my friend has never made any advances towards me either.

we chat most days...

what can i do or say short of loosing a friend to convince my missus that nothing is going on ?

Thnaks

[andy_71]

thats my whole point i chat regularly to many friends on a daily basis mostly while she watches the soaps, i am in the same room and make no attempt to hide any of my comunications.

it's just this one friend she seems to have a problem with, ok most of my mates are male, but i have a handful of female friends too, although i don't chat to those as regular as this one.

it just seems to me that she has decided to convince herself of an untruth and thats that.

Re. what if the tables where turned... been there done that told her that as long as she could assure me it would stay plutonic i had no objections, she broke off the freindship a week later go figure...

Andy

[andy_71]

oops noobiw itchy finger, sorry double post..

[Clanger]

By devoting some seriously decent quality time to your missus, affirming that it is her that you love. By not using your friend in any discussions...where it might be misinterpreted that you are comparing the two.

Being totally honest and above board with your missus about the stuff you chat about...not keeping any secrets, however minor they may seem to you.

Be honest. And, if your missus says that she is feeling vulnerable or worried, do NOT tell her she is being silly. Tell her you hear what she is saying, but she has absolutely nothing to worry about, ever. And listen to everything she has to say on the matter, however insignificant...she perhaps cannot help how she is feeling, but at least she is telling you how she is feeling...which is a good thing!

Good luck.
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[mooserx]

Has your missus and the friend ever met? Maybe if you introduced them to each other, then they would get on and then your missus could see that there is no attraction between you and your friend. Women have an intuition about male and female friends, they can tell if theres even the slightest of sexual attraction. If theres nowt between you and your mate then its all win.
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TL1000r-handful.

[andy_71]

Oh yes they have met more than once and whilst i can't say they got along particularly well they were pleasant with each other.

the problem ( maybe i'm just been a miserable git) seems to have got worse since my friend stayed here a few times, and i have stay at hers i did ask my missus to come along to but she didn't want to.

the reason for staying at each others was purely a convenience thing as we are both members of a club and the following days meet was nearer from one or other of our houses, we live some distance apart.

i am been slightly vague as i'm not sure my friend reads these boards or not..

[andy_71]

absolutely not, i have Male friends stop over and visa versa never says any thing then does she ?

[Clanger]

If this woman was your friend before your relationship with your missus, then I wouldn't be shocked by the whole you've stayed over there statement.

But this is a new friend. No wonder your missus is feeling threatened, I think anyone would. Now you've shared this little gem, I think you need to make a decision....is the relationship with current partner more important or not?
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind - Dr. Seuss

[WildGoose]

[andy_71]

Wildgoose, you've hot the nail on the head, in a normal evening no we don't talk much, and it's not always for lack of trying, she is a total soap addict and it feels at times that i am to sit there and twiddle my thumbs in silence, should i interrupt her viewing then i know she'll be in a mood all night.

when i've have got any sense out of her she says that she feels neglected at times, and wants to do more together, no problem... i suggest a few things and what response do i get... don't fancy that, ain't doing that, cost too much, just one excuse after another and yet she is unable to suggest anything herself.

bah life suck sometimes, might as well go back to reading books she even complained about that ! but not so serverely...

it does seem as if we are getting ourselves into a rut, think i could do with a holiday and cut my contact with everyone else i know for a few weeks ans spend some quality time with the missus.

[J0Al1]

It's fine to have a female friend or friends whilst in a relationship, but be sensative, you do not need to chat to her all the time . . . . that is not what (adult) friends do. . . . . only shcool kids. .

I can see why your missus is unhappy.

[WildGoose]

[bazza]

[Phoenix]

[J0Al1]

PS - Girls are always being told that blokes can't just be mates with guys which doesn't help. . .

Personaly, I don't think thats nesc true.

[Kwaks]

Got to say you had my sympathy....right up to admitting you slept over at hers
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[Hazylogic]

[ZRX61]

[Visitor Q]

I have hundreds of female friends, a lot of them through uni I was very close with and saw a lot of.

And 99% of them I would hit like a ginger stepchild, boyfriend or nay, given 20 minutes in a locked room together.

I did manage to stay living with a girl mate of mine for a month, damn near in the same room, basically as I knew her through my ex and the relationship was continued through lecture. I had jack shit interest in sleeping with her.

Had she not of had a boyfriend she was so attached to though

My point being is, men can have lots of female friends, but at the end of the day, sex underwrites it all. I mean honestly, say at one of these pre-arranged slumber parties, if she threw herself at you after a few you wouldn't be at all interested. She does in fact have a vagina doesn't she?

Christ, half my 'mates' at uni tried to fuck my ex/girlfriend. Men are bastards. So too right she's going to be a tad whiny that you devote massive amount of time to another girl, including sleepovers. One day, my son, /someone/ will initiate a good sound reaming.
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[J0Al1]

[WildGoose]

Bonny is of course right in a general sense, its having the strength of character to do the decent thing despite what your cock is telling you, that is key.

If you havent the respect for the person above the sex object (which is none the less fucking important) then you are wasting your time being in a long term relationship with them.
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[Skudd]

I have a female friend, known her since I was five years old, so have known her 36 years. We always hung around together as kids teenagers and early adulthood, we did do the rudies a couple of times but realised we were more mates than partners, both my and her's partners didn't get the friendship and we drifted apart due to spouse pressure. Now all these years later both of us are in the same boat, spouseless, and the friendship has been rekindled, nothing sexual although we do jokingly flirt knowing nothing will ever happen. It is good to have a true friend no matter what gender.
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[Visitor Q]

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[yuri2085]