Nights out gone wrong

[killa]

Was having a chuckle on another website about this. People were posting stories about nights out where they completely failed.

So I’ll go first, with my tale of Aftershock.

I was about 19 years old pretty much living with my newly acquired girlfriend, she lived with another girl who was seeing this guy from over the road. Me and this lad got on pretty well, he was a right laugh, so we decided we’d all go out one night, and hit the drinks.
So I’m sat with the girls in the living room when he knocks on the door, I let him in and in hand he has two shots or red liquid. He says ‘here ya go, try some aftershock mate’.
Now, I’ve had aftershock before, don’t particularly like it but what they hey its only 40% proof so I have the shot. He proceeds to pop back over the road and grab another. ‘Christ!’ I thought, it’s strong, but I’ve got to man up in front of the ladies, I know he’s a drinker so I better pace myself.
After a few tinny’s and giggles with the girls we head out to the first bar. The music’s loud, so are the kids, everyone’s having a laugh, so we began the rounds. At this point I’m well on the way, dancing around to cack 90’s dance tunes with the girls, it’s all good.
I’ve been counting the beers and I’ve had 4 pints in here, I thought, I was starting to feel pretty sloshed at this point, so I needed to slow the pace. Keep it together man!
I notice that this lad is now dancing all wonky and he looks trashed, slurred speech and that cheeky drunked grin you get when you know the ships sinking.
What’s going on!? I thought, we’re much more resilient than this, aftershocks nothing. After another hour he tells us that he’s gonna trundle off home, he’s mashed, and the way he was looking, I wasn’t going to stop him. That leaves me with the girls, and by now my vision is pretty impaired.
They take me outside as the bar closed and the fresh night air hits me like a train, I can’t see shit captain, what’s going on. Hoooold steady!

We get to the club we intended to reach and entered, I have no idea how I got past the bouncers because by now I was probably starting to go cross-eyed. So we’re in the club, it’s dimly lit, result. I make my way to the bar with the girls and get a bottle of beer. I don’t want it, but I need something in my hand to stop my arms flailing around as I try to control this mess. Some things wrong, I know that, it’s almost like I’ve been spiked or something. I should have asked to be escorted back by the girls but I continued to ‘party’ as much as bumping into men and women in a dark room looking crazed is partying.
Then I lose the girls, it’s mainly due to the lack of vision by now, I’m stumbling around the club trying to keep a straight face, sloshing drink on the people I ‘meet’. I find the stairs to the top room where I’m sure they’ll be as I can’t find them on the floor I was on.
As I reach the top of the stairs, I look left, look right, then walk forward. As I reach what looks like the outskirts of the dance floor a guy starts walking towards me. My aim, simply, was to get past him. ‘S’cuse me mate’ and I step to the left, he follows suit, I step right. ‘SORRY..’ try again…I did think he looked familiar…OH…I’m stood in front of a full length mirror, trying to avoid myself. Fuck. Sake.
I turn around to see a few people looking over, through the smoke and lights. I made a B line for the exit door and shoulder barged it, got half way down the stairs and buckled on the last remaining steps, ouch…got up, brushed myself down and bashed the door open into the ground floor.
Thank fu*k I found the girls!! I explain to them this boy needs to go home, and pronto…I had been calling but it was obviously too loud for anything like that. I turn for the door with them. As I leave the room to head down the stairs to the entrance I suddenly think I’ve gone and lost them again…I start to call them on my phone only to hear my girlfriends retro Nokia ring tone behind me. The bouncers see this all going on and decide I need to be removed, yeah, you and me both mate.

The morning after I woke up in bed, my shoes hanging off the end of the bed, fully clothed, and all the banging, shit music and tinnitus you could ever hope for in my poor poisoned head.

This lad comes over in the afternoon to assess the damage, he was particularly chipper for someone who began a night like that. ‘How did you like the shots man?’ he said.
I explained what I could remember, the sloshing drink, the blindness and my twin brother.
‘Oh right yeah, shit, well I should have told you mate, sorry, it wasn’t aftershock, it was Absinth’

CUNT.
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[The Artist]

I remember the time when I was away from home but my dad was staying with us for a couple of nights and I was so wasted, I walked into his room where he was sleeping and pissed all over the wall.

I still feel awful about it.

[Marmalade]

I'm no drinker, it happens rarely and has been so all my life.

One christmas eve I was seeing this younger burd who liked to party so we decided to go to this pub christmas eve with a couple of mates.

Southern comfort was my weapon of choice and i was on doubles and triples and got totaly wankered.

I know i made a complete cnut of myself in the car on the way home, back to my parents house but can't remember how.

As it was now christmas day i opened a couple of presents from under the tree and scoffed a packet of jelly belly beans and then passed out on the sofa.

Don't know how long after I woke, the room was spinning, I was feeling sick as fk, made it to the kitchen sink, barfed and had the tap running.....


......... 6am i'm awoken by my old man, i'm on the kitchen floor in what can only be described as a flood, sink had overflowed and had been pouring onto the kitchen floor for probably a couple of hours and i slept through it.

Luckily my parents are easy going, they were not best pleased but some not so understanding oldies would have seen my bags packed.

Ah, merry christmas
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[Barry_M2]

Many moons ago I worked 50+ miles from home. One evening my bike broke down and I ended up staying locally at a work mates house, so it would have been rude not to go out for a few beers!

To cut a long story short, I woke in the morning to find that I'd pissed all over the chair in the bedroom I was sleeping in. Obviously I didn't say anything in the hope it would dry by the time he got home in the evening, even if it might smell a little!


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[pinkyfloyd]

I once woke up in a hedge and to this day I cant remember how I got there. Must have been good.

Sorry I cant tell more of the story but its a blank from the moment I left the house as a little 17 year old to the moment I woke up disorentated in a field in the Craigantlet hills.
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[dextersaurus]

Once at a house party, not me, but a mate got completely trashed. We took him upstairs because he could hardly walk and he passed out on the bed so we all got back to drinking when we heard a lot of banging then a SLAM in the hall.

Went out to investigate and there's my mate laying at the bottom of the stairs.

Okay, not a good idea then

Took him into the living room and propped him up on a wee stool. how he managed to sleep on it, since it had no back, is beyond me, but he managed.

So... few hours later i crash on the couch. nice and comfy. another lad had passed out naked on the sofa, and some girl i never knew was curled round the portable radiator...

Comfy comfy, i fell asleep, not being too drunk.

All of a sudden i woke up, to see my mate's cock right in front of me, balls in hand and everything, and he was pissing on my shoulder.

I've never jumped so high and fast in my life. He was standing pissing on the arm of the chair, and it looked like he was trying to write his name. I didn't know what to do, i was just standing in the far corner in shock.

Once he was finished, he lay beside the naked dude in the sofa, under the covers. That made for an interesting reaction when they both woke up

Me on the other hand, i curled round the girl who was curling round the radiator, she then became my girlfriend for all of 2 weeks


ANOTHER ONE!

The first time i got laid because of my bike at a party, i was so cabbaged, i ended up spewing on her face midway, then kept going through her screams before she shoved me off her and ran to the toilet, and i passed out before she came back.

Good times, good times.

Dunc

[mysterious_rider]

LMFAO!



Ah. House party about a year and a half ago, had beers duct taped to my hands, and just had to down them as fast as possible before the other person, didn't do too many, it was just the sheer amount of alcohol (including cider) that I got rid of in a few hours.

Threw up about 25 times in the toilet. I'd be walking around like a zombie till 7am, going to the loo whenever i felt i was gonna hurl.

Same happened to me two weeks ago.
Drank a big 2L bottle of SB and had four glasses of vodka and coke in about 3-4 hours (downed all the vodka and coke in seconds, being a dick) threw up about 15 times.



Other times I haven't really failed. Out on the town I'm usually ok. It's mates when they pass out in front of bouncers that make me laugh., Especially if they are girls

[Minty]

After a nights drinking at The Moonshine in Croydon, I left and waddled my way across the road to where my then bus used to start it's route.

This meant that you'd often get on but be sat there for 5-10 minutes before he set off. All well and good but today the diesel fumes wafting around were not my friend.

The rear bus doors were open (probably contributing to the aforementioned fumes) so I stepped off and started to shout into the raised flower beds by Fairfield Halls for thems what know the area (dont look for my vomit now, it would have washed away).

Unbeknownst to me, that during the chunderage, my bus left and another different route bus rocked up.

Not wanting to take liberties, I hopped on and paid 'again'. Sat down feeling a little better. Bus sets off, wahey, I'm on my way to bed.

I kept staring out of the window, in my haze, and thinking, oh new route now is it? Slowly working my way to Bromley as it turned out - I live in the excact opposite direction. I decided in Hayes that I was going the wrong way and got off, rang the wife and tried to explain where I was.

Fortunately, that was her neck of the woods and she knew where I was. About 30 minutes later a cab arrives with a chuckling fella asking in a camp, sorry for me voice - "are you ickle man that's lost"?







I'll save the story of me ruining my mates shoes whilst he chatted up a horse, for another time.
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My fingers smell of your mum.

[Scythe]

I wasn't there but here's a classic one of my mates.

My mates (let's say B and C) went out in Birmingham and was staying at mate A's flat. They all got pretty wasted as per your usual night out, and went back to the flat and sleep. Mates B and C were awoken by stumbling around as mate A was getting up and climbing over them. They tried talking to mate A but go no answer. He then proceeded to open his wardrobe and pissed in his wardrobe, over all his clothes and shoes. More importantly, he had a plastic container (with no lid) which held all his books and work for that semester at uni, which he filled up with piss.
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2009 Yamaha YBR125 -> 2000 SV650S -> 2005 Kawasaki ZX6R 636

[Asharin]

I see OP visits B3ta.com then!!

I'll add something constructive later when I wake up more, just woke up after night shifts

[Fawbish]

The night out went fine, it was arriving home to my mate and another friend (girl) of ours.

I first picked up a box of Krave, and whilst they chatted away in the front room, I sat, popped them in my mouth, and then spat them, one at a time, at my mate. (Thankfully best mate, who just laughed about it)

When I bored of this, I stand up, announce that it is time for my bed, and give our female friend a good decent snog before making my way upto my room. Our house at the time was very small. Within about 20 mins, they both hear me chunder violently on and around my bed. Next to my bed was half my book collection.

My mate wanders up to bed after friendgirl leaves, and finds me swaying, in only boxers, over the sink of our shared bathroom, washing my books under running water.

I then proceeded to burst into tears and then go to sleep.


I remember nothing.

There are quite a few more.
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"Oh....it looks like Average Joe's is forfeiting the match!" - "Yeah, its a risky strategy but lets see if it pays off for 'em Cotton."

[Shaft]

Not so much a night, but a day out that took a seriously wrong turn.

Many moons ago, I worked for a national retail chain that went into receivership, just before Christmas; although they continued trading and I kept my job, my branch was closed, emptied and locked, almost immediately.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, it's Xmas eve and I've got a day off, so the plan is to pick up the GF, go and do some very last minute shopping, then back to hers for a family night in with a few bottles.

However, I get a call in the morning from my area manager, telling me the alarm on 'my' shop has been going off since the early hours and the cops have had complaints from the neighbours; so quick change of plan, get the keys, get the GF, turn off the alarm, tell the old bill, then continue as before.

I arrive at the AM's base store in Croydon and they've got some plastic cups and a box of wine on the counter, so I agree to stop for a bit, it would be rude not to; I have no more than 3 or 4 (no biggy, I can handle my drink) and leave, except I don't remember what happened next.

To this day, I have no clue how I got from Croydon to Bromley, the next thing I remember is stopping outside the GF's house and thinking I needed to close my eyes for a moment, which is no good, because now my head is spinning like a Zanussi on full noise!

I decide I need to lay down, but then I can vaguely hear my name being called; the GF has seen my car outside, but I'm not in it, so she's come out and found me laying (pretty much unconscious) in the road, almost under the back of the car, using the kerb as a pillow.

Somehow, she managed to get me in the house, up the stairs and into the bathroom, whereupon I spectacularly chuck all over the joint, walls, floor, bath, sink, everywhere in fact, except in the toilet; eventually, I crawl to her bedroom (I can remember passing her mum's slippered feet at some point) assume the foetal position on her bed and slip into a coma, for the next 8 hours......

When I wake up, the saliva fairies have been and magicked away every drop of moisture in my mouth, and there's a gang of navvies, trying to beat their way out of my skull with club hammers and pick axes.

It's now 9pm, the alarm hasn't been turned off, the shopping hasn't been done and the GF is spitting feathers, bullets and all manner of other unsavoury things.

I calm her down, she agrees to come with me and I struggle over to Carshalton, but in vain, as the residents have copped the raging arsehole with the alarm and smashed it off the wall, so it's off to Sutton nick to report that all is now well and hope that they don't ask why it took so long to sort out.

How the desk officer didn't nick me I'll never know, I felt like I was swaying around like a sapling in a gale and if I only looked half as bad as I felt, he must've known there something seriously amiss.

Anyhow, nothing was said and I went back to the car and another dose of tongue pie.

I don't think she ever believed I'd only had a couple, but it was absolutely true; I've no idea what went wrong, but it's never happened since.

She never did let me forget that day.............
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[dragstaar]

I was going to go on a date once, and i got stood up and then I went home and cried myself to sleep in a dark room with a bottle of JD

I didn't really, I just went to her house and punched her in the tits and did her up the gary. then I got AIDS

[Slacker24seve...]

Got my drink spiked* on a pub golf night and ended up fleeing gatecrasher in Nottingham as I thought vampires were after me. I was absolutely terrified and just pretty much freaked out. Ended up on a railway track somewhere and the police picked me up after a chase through a dodgy looking estate.

As I was pissing when they caught me and wearing pub golf gear (tweed plus fours, a stupid jumper, a flat cap and something pink and hideous, all Oxfam's finest) in an area of Notts they later described as 'well dodgy mate' they put me in the cells. I got landed with £80 worth of Drunk & disorderly in the morning. I turned down breakfast too

Its funny now. It fucking wasn't at the time though

*I don't do drugs, before anyone suggests it.
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[Cptn. Awesome]

Last Saturday out was pretty dismal for me. We started off in the pub early so we could watch the match (England v Wales). Had 3 pints of Guinness and all was good. Wasn't even tipsy.

Mate arrives and takes us to Newcastle to begin the festivities. In Revolution, I got the first round (a Bee's Knees Pitcher). After finishing that and deciding it was rather nice we get another (and maybe another after that but I don't really remember).

That's pretty much all I remember, except for pulling a lass on crutches and the odd events of finding a clean pair of snazzy pants and a straw hat. I'm told however that I pulled an absolutely stunning lass and also bought myself en entire box of shots.

For some reason one of the bouncers wouldn't let me into Sinners...I think it was my stylish pants and he was jealous. Then I met up with my mates again and after getting some grub we went home.

I now have three random-ish lasses added on Facebook that are damn fit (but I have no chance with) and a number in my phonebook that I have no intention of ever using.
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Rides - '60 Plate Ford Fiesta Zetec 1.25, '03 Plate Kawasaki ZX6R B1H and an '87 VFR400 NC24

Naughty Fawbish: "An eagle is but an eagle until the suns flare blinds his prey." - Fawbish, 2010.

[andyscooter]

worst state ive been in in a club i fell asleep

with my head on one of the djs speakers

next awake moment was on the floor in the hall at home the next morning with my dad steping over me to get to the paper

i had drank more then ever that night

also had another were i drank all 24 cans out of a crate(weak lager not stella or anything) and awoke to find my missus shagging my then mate in the front room
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gilera runner vxr200 (chavped)
if its spelt wrong its my fat fingers and daft auto correct on my tablet

[Slacker24seve...]

[Adam.I]

[andyscooter]

[Minty]

I once chundered out of my bedroom window when I lived with the parents. Dad was not amused when he came back from getting the morning paper and looked at the sloping porch roof just below my bedroom window.

Cleaning vomit at 7.30 in the morning with a hose and broom is a great way to sober up.
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My fingers smell of your mum.

[mistergixer]

Dub Club, Tuffnell Park, middle of winter, sometime in the mid '90s:

The night started well, a visit to a cheery West-Indian gentleman in Finsbury Park saw me several hundred pounds financially lighter in pocket, but weighed down by a kilo or so of good strong weed.

I'd hooked up with some mates in Hornsey, passed on some of the green goodness, and chopped up a little more than a quarter ounce for the evening (Dub Club was always ram-packed, and it was only allowed to skin-up on the dancefloor otherwise the staff told you off, so i wanted to make it as easy as possible to build reefers.)

Anyway, we arrived the Dub Club, it was ram packed as usual (with me being one of the few white faces in the assembled throng)and Shaka was running some seriously heavy tunes. I built a healthy spliff, and started to enjoy the dance. More heaviness on the system, another spliff built and smoked to myself. Seriously heavyweight tunes running, time to build another fatty - it was to be my final build as the third used up all what remained of my quarter plus.

It was shortly after finishing the third (again, to myself), that i began to feel a little unsteady. Being the middle of winter, i was well togged up in a heavy coat, jumper etc. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara. I needed liquid. I needed sugar.

The queue for the bar was about 8 deep, and it took me an age to get to the front and buy a bottle of orange juice. I made it out of the melee at the bar, and was just about to have my much needed revitaliser...when someone bumped into me and the bottle fell to the ground and smashed.

Despair. Bottomless, black despair.

So, i rejoined the queue for the bar again, now feeling very pissed off, and quite giddy.

I caught sight of another white face queuing for a drink in the bar mirrors. Fuck, i thought, that bloke looks red as anything, he looks completely fucked, he's swaying, he looks like he could just topple over at any minute.

The realisation suddenly dawned on me that i was looking at my own reflection. At that same instant, the world went dark.

I came to, lying flat on my back on the floor, circled by a sea of dreadlocks, gently shaking me and asking if i was ok. One of them helped me to my feet, 'yuh cool?' he asked. Yeah, i replied, just had too much ganja. He chuckled deeply and passed me a drink, it tasted like nectar.

Sweat was pouring from me by the gallon, i went outside and leant on a bus stop, the cold night air chilling me nicely. One of my mates came out and helped me back inside, i spent most of the rest of the evening leaning against one of the bass scoops, apparently asleep almost upright.

Take it as a warning kids, three 3 gram spliffs all to yourself in a short space of time is neither big nor clever, and can lead to earning yourself the nickname of 'whitey don'.


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[dextersaurus]

Oh yeha, there was another time about a month or so ago when i was out with the ex missus, went back to hers feeling stone cold sober, got into bed, felt a tad ill....

woke up an hour later, couldn't open the window so i chundered all over it, and all over my hands then started crying, ate a kitkat chunky then passed out.

Then she decided she preferred girls and left me.

I think thats just an excuse

[27cows]

One night in the early 90s I got so out of it that I ended up (no idea how) on the back on an H100 (spawn of Satan - *crosses self*), sitting the wrong way round, wearing a dress but no shoes or lid, holding one of those flashing yellow road lights in one hand. I later woke up on the beach covered in a light dusting of snow, shivering, about five miles from home. I then woke up in my bed, still shivering, with absolutely no recollection of how I'd got on the back of the Honda...to the beach...to home again.

Never did find out who the dress belonged to either...or where the clothes I'd been wearing when I went out had gone to.
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[Catalyst]

19th Birthday last year was a night of epic proportions.

About 20 of us went out in red short shorts, Fila track tops, trainers and socks pulled up. All wearing sunglasses, basically looked like a group of 1980's football hooligans. Had about 3 hours worth of pre-drinks then onto the pub, about 5 shot trays and as many pints later we move onto the club. Dominated the dance floor and then we got in a fight so left to another club.

We weren't allowed in any other club because we were that smashed, and dressed up stupidly . Cue the brilliant idea of going into the titty bar!

3 hours later I had spent my whole months wage, I'd paid for a 3 girl 30 minute dance at one point! Got one of the dancers numbers but in the morning when I looked it was completely wrong, touch screens are complicated when smashed .

That was a very tough month, had to live out of my savings account.
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SlimRick - I can cook really well - but it's a useless skill, as I'm not a woman and it's their fucking job!

[Jayy]

I have many stupid stories like this but I will share one from a drug fueled night in Sheffield.

We drove up on the Friday afternoon, booked into the travel lodge and went out for something to eat and a few beers. There was me and two of my best mates. We were all staying in one room, as it's cheap and let's be honest, the drugs we had with us, we weren't going to be doing much sleeping.

Got ready and went out to Gatecrasher at the Magna center... 8 hours later, copius amounts of brandy and a cocktail of drugs, we head back to the hotel. It was 6am and we had to be out by 12pm. I decided it would be an amazing idea to bomb 3 grams of speed in one go. I've always stayed clear of speed after a bad experience on it (an even worse story) but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Come 9am I was completely wankered, I'd been out drinking since 5pm, taken god knows how many pills, sniffing beak and 3g of speed 3 hours prior. I was still drinking at 10am and suddenly had a serious urge that I was going to piss myself. I run into the toilet and just stand there trying to piss.... but it't not happening.

30 mins later and I'm still stood there trying to piss, I gave up and go and sit down. Within minutes that feeling of me needing to piss badly comes back and I go back in the toilet and the same thing, can't piss. This time I'm in there for even longer and it's approaching 12pm.

I had to explain that there was no way I was getting in a car for an hour and half journey feeling like I'm on the verge of pissing myself. They started getting pissed off with me but I refused to do it. After me speding another hour in the toilet, it was well gone 12 and the hotel manager knocked on the door and said we had to check out.

In the end, I paid £50 to get the room for another night and we stayed there on the Sat night as well just so I didn't have to sit in the car with that feeling. Most expensive piss I've ever had when I finally was able to go, after the speed and other drugs wore off at about 8pm that night. It felt like I'd just won the lottory when I finally released what I can only describe as a race horse piss.