What to do when you feel like you've had enough?

[aliarseXI]

If someone doesn't want to kill themselves, but at the same time couldn't care less whether they live or die what are their options?

Obvious alias account, and there has been a recent trigger to this, but the old demons are shouting again and I'm struggling to shut them out this time.

It's impossible to put into text. I have a lot to live for, and yet everything I've worked for I'm now letting crumble around me. In a nutshell, I feel like my life is slipping out of my control and I alternate between blind panic and complete apathy at this state of affairs.

If I were to see a doctor, what would be the impact of this on my medical records for the future?

What do you do when you don't give a shit anymore? Please note that this state of mind isn't a "one night stand", it's just I have the option of spilling my guts to you lot or escalating it "officially" and I'm not sure what the impact of that would be.

Please don't patronise me with platitudes about suicide - god knows I know enough about that and have seen it an unreasonable amount of times now in relation to my years on this planet.

Help please BCF

[andym]

Only thing that stopped me was knowing I was better than suicide...
Didn't stop me trying other ways... pushing myself too far after my bypass hoping that something would seriously mess up....

If you are really feeling that way then get in contact with NHS direct, tell them how you are feeling and they will offer help or contact your out of hours doctors number... or if you are feeling so low then contact the police and they can take you to the hospital where you will be seen by a doctor and possibly taken to your local (not sure if it's the PC term) but mental hospital where a psychiatrist will speak to you and give you any medication you might need.

There are a few people here that have been in similar situations, sorry I can't offer much help, I'm still not completely recovered myself

[Fairies attack]

To be fair I live with this everyday.

I lay awake at night plotting how to kill myself, in every perfect way, down to how to climb the tree (there is the perfect one).
But at the end of it all, I wake up and actually find I have to struggle through another day, laughing when I should and smiling at people who I really don't want to only to be polite.

I've lived like this for 6 years now.
The worst point was where I was living in Woolwich on a very racist esate, I got so upset one night I walked out in to the middle of the street and started shouting 'Come on the Niggers stab me.'
Been so close to killing myself that many times it is laughable, and I actually put that down to the reason why I can bring a bike back from crashing to a 'That was close' now.

You have everything to live for. In the past 2 years I have lost 2 homes, 2 good jobs, spent 6months on the dole, 1month in a factory, thought I had a good job, then lost it and now back in a factory stacking boxes on a pallet.

But life could be worse, and so could yours.
It may be hard to think of it right now, but you do have alot to live for.

Also alot of people don't know, but depression doesn't actually start with 'I want to kill myself.' 'I'm so unhappy.' It actually starts with general things like not looking after your appearance or not good time keeping where you had before. That is the first onset of depression, and the only people who can actually comment and off you some help about this is the people who have been there.

You are never alone when it comes to depression, it can range from having a shitty day, to loosing everything and being homeless in a day.
No one actually knows when you are depressed apart from you.

I regularly go in the pub and act like a smiley tit who is up for a laugh but really I am dying inside, for no reason just I am unhappy with myself, and wish I could be something more and make my family proud instead of having to work in a factory.

I must say after trying to kill myself a while back and getting knocked out by my best mate or neighbour (Still not sure) all the rest of my mates, decided they wanted to give me a good kicking for being so stupid, and scaring the hell out of them.
Personally I have done death watch over a mate who has lost it all, and was begging for us to let him kill himself and it isn't nice.
He eventually managed too, but all of us looking after him still blame ourselves for it.

Anyway, keep your chin up mate, the sun has to follow the rain and all that.
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Ariel Badger said - Ever tried Chinese preserved (100 year) eggs? Man are they rank, like eating fart flavoured snot.

[temeluchus]

I've struggled with depression for years, allowed myself physically to fall to bits, been homeless etc etc a long spell on the dole after being made redundant left me in a 2 year rut.

In the end, looking in the mirror and thinking "what the hell has happened to me" spurred me into action. I have moved cities, am working. The change of scenery has helped with the depression, whilst it is still there i do feel better generally. Whilst i have never felt suicidal, i can sympathise with the feeling of major depression.
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[WildGoose]

[Dazbo666]

I guess I've been dealing with varying feelings of depression over the last couple of years too. Not being in contact with my parents at the time that my father passed away was a major trigger. (There, I finally put it out there...)
Then, more recently it's been different financial troubles amongst other things.

I don't have any ideas about ending it, but I often struggle with some pretty strong feelings of depression at times.

So if the help, advice and treatment is available, surely it's better to try to get some help rather than trying to cope alone?
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[Rogerborg]

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[yen_powell]

Well I was quite chirpy this morning till I read this. Now I'm a miserable fucker as well, Cheers lads.
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[killa]

Sorry to hear you’ve arrived at that place.
I’d like to think if things got really hard for myself i’d remove myself from the situation and let the world take control. As mentioned above, a change of scenery could be a good idea...
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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Bike:- Yamaha TRX850 | Killas Biking History | Killas Gaming History | Killas autmotive history

[TheSmiler]

I've always believed that suicide was the easy/cowards way out takes more balls in my opinion to stand up and fix your problems than quickly taking your own life.

An yes I have been in that situation more times than I'd like.
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[Alpha-9]

Dying is never better than living if you're not a vegetable.

What makes you think there's anything on the otherside and you wont just see a black/white void for eternity?

Motivation for you

Try the NHS open mind service IAPTS, I hear they're good https://www.iapt.nhs.uk/
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[yambabe]

[Kwaks]

Lying in hospital after being given just months to live, afraid that my body would just stop breathing by itself and I would suffocate, I thought through all the different ways to end it before I reach that stage.

Came to the conclusion that sod it, I will fight it to the bitter end and make the best of my situation. 11 months on I am still here, life aint too bad considering and I take each day as it comes. I couldn't take my own life as to do so would leave friends and family in a worse situation, if one of my best friends could fight his own health problems and still be here 5 yrs after his "use by date" then damn sure I will not let him down by not following his lead.
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[Hetzer]

"There comes a time in life where everything seems narrow. Choices have been made. I can only continue on. I know myself like the back of my hand. I can predict my every reaction. My life has been cast in cement with airbags and seatbelts. I've done everything to reach this point and now that I'm here, I'm fucking bored. The hardest thing is knowing whether I'm still alive."
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[Skudd]

[Lone-Wolf]

[quote="WildGoose"]

[LordShaftesbu...]

I like to drink.

[DrSnoosnoo]

I'm sorry to hear it. My Nan has recently (3 years ago and ongoing) fell into a deep depression. She speaks a bit like everyone has mentioned, where she wakes up and can't be arsed, worries about things she shouldn't and doesn't have to worry about. She's contemplated suicide - this would destroy our family. My Mum took her to the Doctors and all they can do is give you some drugs to hopefully help give you the kick up the arse you might need at times.

Hope you get yourself straight!
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[pepperami]

[Triumph1300]

Having both been there, and had my other half sufficiently depressed that she ended up in Hospital for 2 years, I can sympathise.

Get to either a Doctor, Therapist, whatever suits best medical professional, and talk.

You've admitted to us lot that your thoughts are are in a strange place.

By talking to someone, you can explore where that place is, and more significantly, the best way to get out of it (and drugs aint always the answer)

Best of luck.
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BWJ
Back on a BMW R80RT
Punctuation - the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit

[andym]

No offence, and I don't know if it was meant as a joke or not, but alcohol is not the answer... as my shrink says it might make you feel a little better, but in the long run if you are drinking and in the wrong frame of mind (I've been there many times), then you could end up doing something stupid.

Also one of the things that was recommended to me (because I don't want anti-depressants), is to do things that make you feel good (she went into the whole explanation about chemicals in the brain etc), if all you are getting is negatives then it will eventually drag you down, you need to start working on positive things.... stuff like not wanting to wake up, don't see the point in getting out of bed as it's just going to be another shit day and anything else that will drag you down just that little bit more.

Rather than just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, go out for a walk to somewhere you will enjoy, go out for a coffee (this one made me laugh cause I have a problem with lots of people around me when I'm sitting still), go see a movie, anything that'll make you feel good about you.

From personal experience, anti-depressants don't work, they don't take the problems away, they just upset the chemical balance in the brain.... if your world is turning to shit around you they just make you smile about it.

Have you thought about a new hobby or something? or something to keep you active? Sitting around and thinking it over is not the way to do it....

[LordShaftesbu...]

[GrumpyGuts]

I've struggled with depression for around 4 years. I have, on numerous occasions, tried to kill myself. I've tried hanging myself several times, overdosing, plotting to jump off a suicide hotspot, drinking, etc etc. At each attempt, I not only think of myself, but others in my life.

I know it's my body and I can do what I want with it, however I can't be selfish. I'll be leaving a right mess behind If I went through each time I'd tried to "depart". Depression is a right cunt and I just wished it just fucked off. I've been out of work for ages (on the doll), can't afford new clothes which I need, present circumstances (which I won't bore you with) and just general unhappiness.

I just prefer to look into the future and think that it will be a lot better than it is now. 4 years is a long time (with no meds at ALL) and ongoing, but I'm sure if I try harder to get a new job that earns decent enough money, I'll be on the right track to shift the horse shit I'm currently basking in.

In the meantime, why don't you try St. John's Wort? It's a herbal depression medication and I heard it is very good stuff. I haven't used mine, but others have said it works wonders.

Don't worry, you aren't the only one out there! Chin up!
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[Redoko]

Go out on the bike.
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[Clanger]

It's times like these that you should run out and do the things you've been too scared to do, such as:

A bungee jump
A parachute jump
Base jump

Something soooo exhilerating and scary and different, to make you appreciate being alive and being able to do something through choice, where others don't have any.
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