newuser who brings some wise lessons.......

fastyan · Renault 5 Driver Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Karma :

hi all - have just been introduced to this forum and thought i would say hello and bring along a few wise lessons that myself and my friends have 'learnt' over the years.
i've had a look around and definately up for rideouts/track days and the like (especially as a few of my usual mates have moved further away or are under the thumb....)

i'm sure a few of you could add some to the list as well.... lol

Lessons 1-19, from the motorcyclists guide of 101 things not to expect or do when motorcycling.....

Lesson 1:
One should not rely on the fact that 35 miles has been made on the reserve light, and expect to be able to repeat this feat, especially when needing to be somewhere on time; for example riding to work

Lesson 2:
One should not be surprised if a mere 28 miles has been achieved when ragging the bike on the reserve light

Lesson 3:
One should not wear all black on a warm day if there is the slightest possibility that the bike may run out of petrol and require a push to the nearest petrol station

Lesson 4:
One should not disregard (bit of Word thesaurus action there! - shift F7...) the difference in the roads adhesion when braking from a dry road onto a wet roundabout, when trying to get somewhere in a hurry cos they're late...!!!

Lesson 5:
One should make note not to accelerate too hard in low gears whilst overtaking, as it makes it difficult to steer when your front wheel isn't on the ground!!!

Lesson 6:
Unless you have a readily available supply of clean underwear, sliding the rear wheel of your bike off roundabout exits to the entertainment of other bikers is best left to the experts........ or the purchase of a cheap runabout to practice on first (or use a mates...)

Lesson 7:
Motorcycles do not fly, therefore do not expect your motorcycle to stay on the ground when accelerating hard over the top of an incline. Be aware that it is best wherever possible that you should try and stay attached to the motorcycle whilst it is airborne

Lesson 8:
When taking a corner and things just start to touch down, don't expect the bike to be able to lean much further (also make note to move feet as far back on the pegs as you can)

Lesson 9:
Don't expect the novice behind you to make it round the same corner you've just gone round at 70 mph....

Lesson 10:
When riding in a group make a note of the person behind you and check they are still there regularly (see lesson 9) as it has been known that riding in 'two's' has resulted in the rider behind you suddenly disappearing and to be to later found in a ditch

Lesson 11:
Be aware of slippery rabbits that may happen to be on exactly the same line you wish to take round a tight right hand corner when you're doing 50 mph. As this may cause you to inadvertently take a tighter line, as to avoid slipping on the said slippery dead critter, and end up nearer the white line than is comfortable with your head a few inches away from the oncoming articulated lorry....

Lesson 12:
Just because you and the person in front of you are riding fast bikes doesn't mean that they would move off from a junction when you would (or at least look to see if they've gone first)

Lesson 13:
After lubing your ignition barrel to relieve sticky keys with WD40... and upon arrival at work, do not remove and put the key in your mouth while walking into the office.....

Lesson 14:
Riding a one litre bike : I have decided what my R1's like... with the R6 I was conscious of the speed vs ground vs skin loss vs vegetative state ratios... but the R1 is like riding with the Grim Reaper as pillion!! - and he wants to get his knee down!!

Lesson 15:
See lesson 8 - also note that although it looks very cool that the slight touch of a titanium exhaust on the ground will produce more sparks than your pegs or knee sliders, the resulting slide and sparks from the rest of the bike following it down the road however does not look very cool

Lesson 16:
Although some mammals can run at over 40mph, it is impossible for a motorcyclist dressed in leathers and wearing their bike boots to (especially in a gravel trap) - although the result does look funny when attempted

Lesson 17:
Whilst filtering through traffic you should keep an eye on the person filtering in front of you - otherwise if they happen to stop all of a sudden (as e.g. a coach may be blocking the traffic light) then you do not want to be using their luggage to activate your front brake and therefore end up sliding past them with the front wheel locked

Lesson 18:
If a bike is having trouble to start then the first thing to check is the kill switch - otherwise the colour of the language to be found coming out of your mouth after you have been trying to bump start it for a while may not be pleasant for passers by..

Lesson 19:
Despite friends vast knowledge of specific brands of motorcycles and their ownership of similar motorcycles don't expect them to remember small details like what a Yamaha ignition key looks like. Expectancies such as these often leave you confused and dazed as to why you can't turn the key in the ignition barrel.

Lesson 20:
If you are going to fall off/crash a motorcycle then you should ensure that it is yours (or pre-agreed that it won't matter). Crashing your dad's motorcycle is not recommended (especially if you still live at home and/or are trying to get your knee down for the first time)....

Shaun · Likes 'em bent Joined: 17 May 2003 Karma :

I've already read lessons 1 through to 16, I'm guessing you work with Helen, I feel your pain! Wink

Barker-CBR 600 · Could Be A Chat Bot Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Karma :

Fortuna · World Chat Champion Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Karma :

Or "try taking your R1 out of gear numb nuts".

mrchips · World Chat Champion Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Karma :

One I've learnt the hard way is don't wash your plug during your bike wash, and then expect to ride it two minutes later.
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stinkwheel · Bovine Proctologist Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Karma :

Lesson 21: I am NOT Valentino Rossi. I am NOT Valentino Rossi. I am NOT Valentino Rossi. I am NOT Valentino Rossi.
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I did the 2010 Round Britain Rally on my 350 Bullet. 89 landmarks, 3 months, 9,500 miles.

Rob W · World Chat Champion Joined: 09 Nov 2004 Karma :

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Silver · World Chat Champion Joined: 03 Oct 2004 Karma :

fastyan · Renault 5 Driver Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Karma :

Nighteyes · Dirty Bint Joined: 05 Aug 2003 Karma :

Nasty......nasty boys!! Crying or Very sad

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